so that happened

[rm]

At about 5am, I sat bolt-upright in bed from a sound sleep in agonizing pain in my left lower back. My first assumption was that it was a muscle cramp¹ and an initial hot shower seemed to help. Afterwards, I laid in bed, but no position was comfortable, Googling kidney things. The pain started to increase again and I took another shower that didn't help.

But the time I got back to my bedroom, I could not move my left leg except by physically lifting it with my hands because of the amount of pain I was in. I got dressed, shaking (this is probably when i first started going into shock), and somehow got myself downstairs and into a cab, but I could not stand upright and all positions were agony.

At urgent care it got much worse and they told me I would either need to take a cab to the ER or an ambulance. I didn't think I could do it a second time, and asked for the ambulance (I have insurance, but worry, A LOT over what the bill is going to be for all this). I was definitely in shock by the time I arrived at the ER, with a BP of 103/50 and a heart rate in the 80s. I remember my temperature, which had been normal, spiking weirdly too. So that was fucking lovely.

At some random point I realized I didn't know what hospital they'd brought me to and effectively didn't know where I was.

They got me on an IV pretty quick and a lot of things happened I don't remember the order of, but I was twittering it, because I thought it would distract me or some shit. They did a pregnancy test. I was cranky (but I just want you to know, I was really really nice to everyone!). Eventually the doctor came in and said it sounded like a kidney stone or infection.

Kept telling everyone I had to be on a plane to Bristol on Wednesday night. "You'll get there," everyone kept assuring me.

Had a cat scan.

Turns out it's a kidney stone, about 2mm. I should pass it on my own, within the next week. It's moved out of the kidney, so the worst of the pain should be over, but until it gets to my bladder, there might be some more. Which is all fucking lovely when I have to get on a plane in two days (First my Mac, now this? WHAT THE FUCK UNIVERSE?).

The bad news is I have at least a 50% chance of recurrence, and that's before we consider my family history (my father has had surgery for stones and had them for YEARS). The other bad news is that because of all of this they want me to radically reduce my intake of meat and cheese, which would be less difficult if I didn't have celiac disease and have to eat a ridiculous amount of calories daily and am funny about food texture. So when I get back I'll go to a nutritionist or something.

Right now I have some aching², occasional twinges and am completely exhausted. And I want to punch a bunch of dead fictional characters in the face. Patty's probably even crankier, since she got woken up with all this too as I paged her in Ohio at some point around the ambulance portion of the morning.³

Fucking hell.

Prescriptions filled.⁴

Also, and this is totally gross, but Internet, I MUST TELL YOU: they gave me a strainer so I can see when the stone passes.⁵

---

¹ I've had a few intermittent incidents in the last couple of months where I've felt like I've thrown out this same part of my back in bed, but now suspect this has been the stone all along.
² By which I mean it feels like I've been punched in the kidney by someone who knew what they were doing.
³ Fucking kidney stones. Baby, your girlfriend is old.
⁴ CVS has me down as a man.
⁵ Come on, we all know you come here for the fun trivia.

Comments

[rm.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That makes me feel less crazy about the pain-level and the ambulance and everything. The only reason I didn't say 10 on the pain scale is because they said "10 is your leg being cut off." But hoooo shit, felt like a 10 to me.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Kidney stones are notoriously 10s. Seriously.

[fmanalyst.livejournal.com]

I think most people will agree that kidney stones hit 10. Any time I've had them, the doctors had no concerns about hauling out the big guns when it comes to pain relievers.

I'm assuming your flight is set up to be coach. Is there anyway you can upgrade your seat assignment to something roomier and more comfortable for the long trip?

[rm.livejournal.com]

I've been trying -- my flights are both sold out. If upgrading would be financially viable for me, it's not even an option. Ah well, it is what it is.

How was your thing, btw?

[fmanalyst.livejournal.com]

The conference you mean? It was great. Very small, but that made for great conversations. I should really write it up.

I hope you're feeling better now.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

There is usually a dispute between whether kidney stones or gallstones are the most painful things ever. I know women who can say that one or the other is vastly more painful than childbirth.

[sanat.livejournal.com]

This. I remember reading a male comedian's essay about passing a stone. When an attending nurse mentioned this was the closest men could get to experiencing the pain of childbirth, he made a mental note to buy his wife flowers once he got out.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

Some of my gallbladder attacks had me in a cold sweat, writhing in agony - so I hope for rm's sake the kidney stone isn't as bad!

(Getting rid of that thing was the best thing I ever did.)

[aynatonal.livejournal.com]

I've got a reasonably high pain tolerance and I remember being just appalled by how awful it felt. I had mine in college, and I ended up going to the hospital in a campus police car (nearest emergency vehicle available in the middle of the night in rural Ohio), so I'd say your ambulance was entirely appropriate :)

[eacole72.livejournal.com]

A friend who as in a car accident that caused 2 inches of her femur to be ground to dust said the kidney stones have been more painful than the bone pain was. My husband actually drove while he was having his first attack and said that his world narrowed down to 2 things: the pain, and keeping the car in the lane.