rm | sundries

Last night we had awesome Indian food. After being totally disappointed by this place's dopiaza in the past (to be fair, it's not on their menu, but they will make what's not there) and not being able to get a table at the place we wanted to try, I had their palak ghost and it blew me out of the water. So yay. And we picked up gluten-free cupcakes for me beforehand and went for icecream (I had honeydew icecream -- not sorbet, icecream!) afterwards.

writerinadrawer Round 4.08 voting still on. Only six stories to read this week, because this will decide the top 5. Also, this was a prompt near and dear to my heart, so I look forward to when voting ends and we can discuss.

graduate_maria auctions continue through tomorrow. I'll post a list of 1 and no-bid items later today.

Officials, including the governor, in CA are pushing to have the stay on the Prop 8 overturn lifted. While this is unlikely to happen, it is more likely now than it was. Boies, meanwhile, thinks the 9th Circuit will rule on the case this year, and that it is a "dead certainty" it will go to the Supreme Court, presumably in 2011. I've been involved in conversations about equal marriage cases and the Supreme Court since 1990. I can't believe it's taken this long; I can't believe we're here already, and wow, is it profoundly nerve-wracking.

A few days ago

bitsyrant posted a thing about transphobia on Family Guy and then, more problematically, from the creator of Family Guy when asked about the thing on the show. This led to a discussion in

redstapler's LJ that you can't read because it's friendslocked, but it included someone asserting at length that not disclosing trans-status before a sexual encounter is like rape. That conversation has now turned into this post.

Look folks, you are not entitled to other people's bodies being the way you expect/desire them to be. When you start taking someone's clothes off and what you find isn't the expectation in your brain and you're not into it anymore? You know what you do? You cool things off, explain what's not your bag, and call them a cab.

Here's what you don't do: You don't berate a woman for false advertising because it turns our she was wearing a water bra. You don't hand a woman a razor, shove her into the shower and tell her to groom herself better because her choices related to how much hair she likes to keep on her body don't work for you. And yes, I've been the target of both of those moments, more than once, and I sucked them up because I was stupid enough to think I was in the wrong and thought I should take whatever help was to be offered to me in matters of how to be a woman, correctly and appropriately.

I have, conversely, had people disclose all sorts of things to me before we went to bed because they were afraid being human was a dealbreaker and they had been conditioned to believe that the only way to talk about their flesh was to confess it. Once: "I'm fat, you know." I know, I am touching you through your clothes right now and I totally know you are fat and I am totally into you.

So when a trans person doesn't disclose to you right off? When you don't find out until after or during your moment of desiring them, or kissing them, or engaging in sex with them? Guess what? You didn't get raped. Or tricked. Or used.

What you got was a moment with someone hoping, not just that you'd still like them when you found out, but that you wouldn't beat them to death for wanting someone for which you might not get societal approval points for having.

The people you fuck aren't a game. You don't get to level up if you score the girl with the right hair color, breast size and landing strip. If you're ashamed of screwing someone whether it's because she has short hair or hairy legs or a penis, that shame is your problem and not her damn fault, not for a second.

And you know what the best response is if you suddenly find yourself wanting someone and hating yourself for it? Don't fuck them. And if you do it anyway or change your mind later, and can't get over your shit? The best response is not making completely inaccurate, devaluing, dehumanizing statements about fucking rape.

Nobody owes you most of the shit you think you're entitled to. It's just that damn simple.

Also? Before anyone makes another annoying analogy, yes, it's reasonable and appropriate to hope/expect/desire someone disclosure their STD-status to you.

But guess what? Being trans is not a communicable disease. Neither is having small tits or hairy legs. You aren't owed this information in advance because you are not actually harmed by not having it.

Are you writing Inception fanfic? If so, this is useful and hilarious.

Women prefer men who wear red. I feel less shame about the awesome brick-colored Ianto-esque dress shirt in my closet now.

South Cape May: the town that was.

Last night on Buffy, "Storyteller" and "Lies My Parents Told Me." "Storyteller" is a great fucking episode, even if what it has to say about story is at times something I radically disagree with and/or unclear. But it's funny and poignant and advances the plot and makes Andrew awesome and solves narrative problems.

"Lies My Parents Told Me" is a stranger, more complicated episode. We have to contend with Spike's incestuousness and the costumes of no actual discernable historical era. Also, Robin being in this anti-vampire gave to avenge his mom? Fine. Robin being in this anti vampire game to kill Spike? Fine. Robin having his creepy, osessive, cross-covered shed for vampire killing? Makes Robin a way less interesting character than he could have been. Blarg. Also, Giles, you're an idiot.