stuff in the world I don't get

[rm]

Written earlier:

I'm on lunch break at film school.

This thing just happened where I went to plug in my laptop where I had yesterday and a woman in a polite and official manner said to me, "Oh there's a nominal fee to use the outlet."

I was embarrassed because I had used the outlet for free yesterday, so I removed my computer from it and apologized.

She said, "I was joking! I can't believe you fell for that!"

This is one of those moments that sort of highlights how hard it is for me to be in the world sometimes. Because I have absolutely no comprehension of why this just happened.

I understand that people who know each other engage in teasing sometimes. This can be funny and relates to us all knowing our foibles. Patty and I tease each other quite a bit, although sometimes she has to explain to me that I am being teased and it's okay -- although not as often in the past, as I'm getting better and getting when it's happening and why it's happening when it's her and that it's affectionate.

I also get that sometimes people say thing maliciously that are about their own insecurity and they use teasing as an excuse for the behavior. I had a good friend growing up that I used to do this to and her to me. I have an ex who often bullied me in this manner as well.

I even understand a stranger pulling a stunt like this (and it's not dissimilar to stunts I've pulled on friends, like the "packs of feral chihuahuas" thing).

What I don't understand is why when you realize the matter has been misconstrued in a way that's painful or awkward for both of you, why instead of stopping at "I was teasing!" or "I'm sorry" you would continue on to say "I can't believe you fell for that" which translates to me as "I was joking but you, complete stranger, are stupid."

I am not particularly angry or upset. I was very pleasant to the woman. I said, "I'm sorry, I'm just very embarrassed right now." I smiled and removed myself from the situation because I did wrong. Because it's not her fault that I completely don't get this very basic type of social interaction.

It's such a weird thing to me. Why don't I get it? I view people in a very nuanced way, am highly attuned to politics and social interaction. I get people. But I don't get some of the structures people fit into. And this was one of them. And I'm posting about it because I've never had a moment where it's been so clearly illustrated to me before.

A thing happened, that I COMPLETELY do not comprehend. I don't feel stupid or frustrated or sad. I just feel like "why would other people understand this?" "What is the purpose of this action?"

But hey, I'm waiting for take out sushi, and then it's back to class, where I will sit in the back to eat my sushi and keep my laptop plugged into a wall on the opposite side of where this occurred so that I can have awesome notes, because that, the how to, is more important than my not getting something and making a fool out of myself, both because I was gullible and because I didn't understand the ritual I was engaged with.

Aside from not being gullible (I was trying to be appropriate and kind), can anyone tell me what the correct response was had I understood the deception? Surely, pointing out the deception and ruining the tease would be as inappropriate as falling for it, yes?

Comments

[trinker.livejournal.com]

It is *not* an extrovert thing. Please don't conflate "extrovert" with "jerk".

Trinker, ENTP.

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

I...wasn't trying to and am sorry that I apparently came across that way. It just has seemed to me that a lot of uncomfortable social interactions I've had that I don't understand get chalked up to me being an introvert and not being able to "just deal with a joke."

Jo, INFJ

[trinker.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry your introversion has been used to hurt you. Thank you for your apology. "Not being able to take a joke" is a rephrasing of the nasty, "ha ha, only kidding!" bingosquare that I loathe. (As I'm sure you do, too!)

(I'm prickly about attacks on extroversion in geeksphere.)

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I'm really sorry that I upset you.

(I hear you and I'll definitely work on not letting my own past experiences lead me into doing that inadvertently. I think that both introversion and extroversion are fine and good things, certainly! And I'm shocked that people think geeks can't be extroverts. LOL whut?)

[trinker.livejournal.com]

We're good.

Yeah, there are some "geek vs. mundane" stereotypes that really grate on me. Introversion/extroversion is waaaay at the top. Extrovert does *not* mean "non-reader" !!!

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

Yay! :)

Yeah that's...a weird idea. Introvert also doesn't mean "doesn't enjoy a good party every now and then."

[jethrien.livejournal.com]

One of the better definitions I've heard is that extroverts draw energy from being with other people, while it costs introverts energy to be with other people. That doesn't mean that extroverts have to be with other people all the time, or that introverts don't like being with other people. It's just that at the end of an enjoyable party, an extrovert will be jazzed up and an introvert will be happy but tired. Different things charge different people's batteries. (I'm an extrovert and my husband's an introvert--if I spend too much time rattling around the apartment with just the two of us, I get antsy and unmotivated. If we go out to socialize too much, he starts to droop. He loves socializing with friends, but needs time to recharge in between. We strike a balance between the two of us, and it works well to keep either of us from going too far in any direction.)

[natf.livejournal.com]

And then there are misanthropic ambiverts like me that much prefer our own company and diversions yet can (given time and spoons/energy/health) be the life and soul of a party/room/interview if we know that it is for a finite time.