(no subject)

Well, A&G is now done and over, and I am show-free at the moment. I'm not freaking out, yet, but I'm sure I'll feel ridiculously at lose ends soon. This is a good thing, as it means I will get other things done. Just stopped myself from applying for another SMing job because it wasn't something that was well paid and it wasn't something that excited me, and I could use that time for auditions and classes and other projects. And now that I have the headshots, it's the sort of thing one must just get on with. Must find monologues I don't hate. Must find monologues other people don't hate. Must find a way to reveal myself as opposed to struggle through.

Lots of people I know came out to see A&G which was really nice, even if I felt somewhat awkward about it, because it was such a peculiarly personal and whimsical endeavor for me to be participating in. It was one of those late night decisions, when I applied for the gig, and like many decisions I've made, came from something somewhat silly, and turned into something really pure and simple. So it's been a journey, and one I believe in, not just as mattering to me now, but perhaps mattering to me later in ways that remain to be entirely seen.

(no subject)

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/04/27/fashion/27VIEW.html

I think criticizing wealth for the sake of doing so is extremely trite. And I really would like the economy to suck a great deal less, but this is an extremely perceptive piece on life here right now.

I've lived here pretty much my whole life, and I'll tell you, one of the weird side products of the boom times in New York has always been that the city stopped being for the people who lived here, and that's always been frustrating to me, even as, sure I appreciate that I can live where I do and that the subways are not the war zone of my childhood.

I can't stand this stupid smoking ban, because it means the streets of my neighborhood are filled in the evenings with people smoking outside of bars, and flicking their cigarettes about carelessly and obnnoxiously. I do get a kick out of all the places that are ignoring the whole thing, but I certainly don't get a kick out of going to a cabaret night and listening to the MC go on about smoking as if it were some naughty and exotic vice. Have we gotten that boring?

Speaking of which, I love this moment of cabaret and burlesque resurgence. And I love that I am not alone in the things that amuse me, but gods, do I think it's trite that burlesque and girls kissing are some sort of magical solution to our national sexual ennui.

Right now, we're a nation and a city desperately in need of a lot of things -- art, frivolity and sensuality all being high on the list. And they're there, they're creeping up on us certainly. But we're applying ourselves to them with such a grim necessity. Like going out on a Saturday night just to prove we now have the lives we didn't in high school.

We just, need to be a little freer with ourselves right now. There's so much keeping score these days, here at the so-called and not really end of the world.