i'm in a good mood, even if we might all be dead

Today's performance was much better I think, for me, and all the way around. However it is a very stressful show with a ton of entrances and exits, costume changes, very long monologs, major technical stuff, etc., so I would be hesistant to really even attempt to engage the entire cast's mood after a performance.

I had a lovely audition for a student film just now, that I actually enjoyed. Probably because I was too tired not to. I tend to think I won't get the part because of the look they want, but that's fine, it would be a logistical nightmare anyway for me -- but I'll worry about that one way or the other when it happens. It was just fun, and it made me feel good about my skills, and they asked me to do my contortionist trick.

Meanwhile, I have further interest from some jobs I applied for, including the _dream_ part-time job and a job ASMing for an opera company (not a huge one, but larger than what I've worked with in the past), and another audition next week that I must try to squeez into my calendar when I'm a little more settled in (I jsut got home).

I am feeling mildly annoyed with Reproductions. I called to reorder headshots the other day and they were rude and terse. Today I had to call to see if my order was ready as while they normally call to tell you you can pick up, they didn't bother this time. More rude terseness, and I didn't have time to get there. I'll go Monday and it doesn't realy matter that I only have three of the headshot I use for most things in my possession until then, but it's actually causing me a vague sort of awareness -- I'm discovering that I have hoarding tendencies on a number of fronts.

I read this great article in Paper tonight, that theorized that the reason every conversation everyone has about the world being so weird lately is because we're actually dead. The president starts a war for a bogus reason, admits it, and everyone shrugs. We elect the Terminator governor (I have a rant about the entertainment/politics phenomena for another post). It rains for 38 days straight and no one cares. Everyone on TV is queer, the economy is in the shitter and the average NYC apartment costs almost a million dollars. Why is this? Well because maybe 9/11 was much worse than we thought, and we're all dead and this is purgatory. The piece was poetic and funny and had many more examples of how bloody odd it's all gotten. It's a great read, and is worth skimming through next time you're in Barnes and Noble.

I called my father earlier to give him the schedule for the show, and he started telling me how a) I should model and b) I can do runway modeling and c) he can probably put me in touch with people because he works in advertising and knows people. A) and C) are true, and I'd be more than happy to avail myself of his connections to whatever extent they may or may not be useful.

B), however, is a bizarreo-land delusion (models who are 5'6": Kate Moss, who weighs like a head less than me, and I like my head) that perhaps has some basis in the times when he started his career, but I really don't know. Explaining this politely while on a cell phone in Barnes & Noble only furthered my fascination with the We Are the Dead theory.

I'm a little stressed and a little crazy, but I feel like people are rooting for me, and that they expect me to make something of myself, that they see light and energy I often repress or misuse or something. I don't know. Yay optimism. Maybe I'm just jazzed because the owner of Criff Dogs told me, "You're on a billboard! It almost made me get hit by a fucking car!"

Raining, so I'm thinking it's a soup and grilled cheese night.