sundries - fandom makes me sad

[rm]

A few days ago I talked about how using homophobia in Glee fanfics both makes sense and can be squicky like some H/C is squicky.

Since then, I've run across a huge number of fics that have everything from Blaine's parents being mildly uncomfortable that he's gay, to Blaine's dad hitting him for bringing a boyfriend home. Quality of the fics have ranged all over the place, and is totally besides the point.

Because every single one of those fics has multiple comments that say "this is what would happen if I came out to my parents."

Which really makes everything in the fandom feel different from over here. Now sure, fandom is full of people working out their shit (I do it, you do it, we all do it -- Draco has an eating disorder and wears leather pants, it's just how it goes) with various levels of artistry and subtlety, so none of this is news.

But it just fucking broke me.

Side note to Glee fandom: If you're going to write stories where somehow you have to reference New York private schools, and you don't know things, please just ask me. Because someone totally just wrote a non-gender swap fic that put a boy at a major all-girls school here. No. LET ME HELP YOU.

I am not crafty like this, but am tempted because I am a freak.

In other news, I'm sick as a dog (stomach and sinuses and I've been in bed since 10pm last night waiting for the room to stop spinning) and have to teach tonight.

Do you know what tomorrow is? PATTY WILL BE HOME IN ONE WEEK.

Comments

[graene.livejournal.com]

Yay for Patty home soon. You feel better, please. like, now.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Do you ever think you *should* contact those kids, just to tell them 'if they did, you come and tell ME about it?'

Because, oh I would. I tell every kid I can, every time I can.

You've done nothing wrong, there's nothing you need to feel bad about...you don't have so much as a parking ticket for anyone to complain about.

That's my lifelong Republican Mom, in 1972, when she had to make funeral arrangements for the surviving partner...because no 'family' could be found.

Boy, she was mad. She made a heck of a lot of sense, even then too.

[firefly124.livejournal.com]

Sorry you're so sick. Feel better soon. Yay for Patty coming home in a week though!

[e-scapism101.livejournal.com]

Parents like that make me sad. I hope my children know that the only thing that concerns me about their future partner(s) is that the partner(s) treat(s) my child well and is a good person. Plumbing has nothing to do with it.

[eac.livejournal.com]

My brother, who is 34, recently came out to my parents and I. He apparently failed to tell us until now because he was sure my parents would disown him. (And he didn't tell me because he didn't want to trust me to keep the secret from my parents.)

My parents haven't got the most progressive views around gay issues and I know why my brother wasn't able to tell them. Being beaten or thrown out or erased because you're gay was the story of our generation.

Here's the thing, though - my dad was crushed because he couldn't believe my brother didn't trust him, and both my parents have, in fact, been accepting. There's a difference between telling your parents that you're gay at 17 and telling them at 34, obviously, but I hope some of the kids are wrong about their parents.

Also, I hope you feel better.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a lot of this mirrors my experience. And I should write about this, because there's this perception (that I've become aware of through several different email communications lately) that I'm brave and always out/speaking my truth. Didn't come out to my parents until I was in my 30s, and a stupid doctor told me my undiagnosed celiac might be cancer. Sometimes no one has obvious forms of courage and that okay.

(Meanwhile, thank you.)

[eac.livejournal.com]

From my perspective, the delay on telling your parents just means you know what you're talking about. :)

(Also, my brother also spent a lot of that time trying to date girls because if it happened to work in any reasonable way it would be easier - from his younger perspective - not to deal. Except, you know, it didn't work.)

[rm.livejournal.com]

I didn't do that at least, as I dated as I pleased. What lingers in my mind is, I think, a suspicion my parents have that something either happened with men to put me off them, or that's why my ex and I didn't work (no, not there were a hundred bazillion reasons we didn't work, and maybe 1% of those reasons had anything to do with sexual orientation and gender and was like, seriously, SERIOUSLY not a big deal). But coming out is awful enough. It's just far too squicky to have to get into the rest of it.

Right now I'm watching my parents try to navigate (finally, after about 5 years) the "We have a gay kid" territory. Should my mom do more for gay rights? (she says yes!) Can we talk about gay characters on TV? (suddenly, yes!) Does she totally freak out if I may any joke about gender roles that doesn't frame me as very and obviously feminine at all times? Also yes. So struggle struggle struggle. Do I wonder if it's all too much to ask? Totally. They didn't sign up for this shit. Or at least, they didn't know they did.

[eac.livejournal.com]

It's pretty thorny territory all around.

I have no idea where my parents will be about this stuff in 5 years (and to some degree it's not my business - I feel very strongly about gay rights and I love my brother, but it's his life). My mom has taken an "I always knew" posture. My dad is clearly trying to process something about his own masculinity with respect to my brother, but he says it's not my brother's problem. Neither of them wants to talk about it, which might suit my brother just fine. *shrug*

(And for an outside check - I've done the expected thing and married and had kids, so my mom has to process other things she doesn't like about me. I should have gotten a PhD and taught; I don't have a significant career, *my hair was cut in too masculine a way*, etc. etc.)

[cookiedough.livejournal.com]

Yeah that is something you see a lot all over Glee fandom. Because Glee is - while it certainly has cult aspects - it is such a mainstream show, watched by a lot of 'civilians' (do you get what I mean by that? Like... 'Normal people', casual followers, people who don't know about fandom) - for a lot of people, Glee is their first FANDOM. In the same way that - and I hate to make this comparison - the same way that Twilight was a lot of young people's first fandom and brought them to the internet.

So you get a LOT of people, with Glee, who, before Glee, were 'normal people.' A lot of them sheltered or from conservative backgrounds. That's why this show is so fucking important, because it's so mainstream, it GETS to these people who, unlike you and me, don't see Buffy or Torchwood or what have you. You and I watch Glee and maybe have criticisms on how issues of otherness are tackled. But there are all these kids who watch it and have literally never even been exposed to these issues before, and it is CHANGING them.

I've seen more young people (and older, I guess) saying similar things about their families in the comments of Glee fandom than I EVER have anywhere else. It made me so shocked at first. But then I realised, it's not like other fandoms, it's not a bunch of brave little nerds sorting out their issues, it's mainstream America getting hit in the head with a brick and waking up.

There are people with stories of how their moms were homophobic until Kurt made them realise they should love their kids.

There are people - regulars in the fandom - who WERE HOMOPHOBIC THEMSELVES until Glee taught them it was wrong.

It's truly sad, truly messed up, but also - this is what this show is doing and reaching. Even if it doesn't always get it right in the eyes of people like us, who have education and experience on how things should be realistically and respectfully tackling - this is what this show is doing.

[rm.livejournal.com]

You are like the third person to make that Twilight comparison to me in the last 24 hours.

And yeah, normally comments like this are few and far between in the other fandoms I've been in. I don't know how to process it. I want to save everyone. But it's not my business and I can't anyway. This experience keeps getting weirder.

(and yay if it's doing something about some of the weird homophobia I've encountered in fandom -- HP fandom in particular was notorious for pockets of that).

[torn-portfolio.livejournal.com]

Oh my, I'm not trying to ignore the quality of this post, but...you linked my tutorial.

*flabbergasted*

[rm.livejournal.com]

Wait, wait, THAT WAS YOU?

YOU ROCK SO HARD.

And it's totally one of those things that will turn into a craft mishap, but I'm so doing it.

[torn-portfolio.livejournal.com]

*blushes - hard*

YES, THAT IS ME!

*ahem*

*whispers* Eight of the warblers have these shirts. I've just been given the specifics for Darren's shirt as well. *is excited*

And thank you! Seriously, if you have any questions, let me know!

[rm.livejournal.com]

Way too cool. WAY TOO COOL.

I totally have to do this this weekend, because if Patty has to witness this it will just be too horrific for words.

[idunn.livejournal.com]

Man, what is it with everyone being sick as a dog lately? I hope you feel better soon.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

We've got a place here in CoMo that does random custom shirts in about an hour for around $20. So, er, If you can send me a clean image...

Actually, it sounds like you're in excellent hands. Scrap that evil, evil suggestion. You do not want to hire me as a middleman. GET CRAFTY. SEND PHOTOS.

[rm.livejournal.com]

You! <3

Can they do red on navy?

Because yeah, I can totally tweak the stencil image into a clean image, because I am a photoshop god.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I really should do it myself, but it seems like such a car crash - (cats, fur, dignity.... bad)

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

I am almost certain that they can. Do you have ethical objections to American Apparel? I think they carry one other vendor. You're a small, right?

Define "red" for me. Crimson? Wine? Eye-searing crayola?

The only caveat: it's not traditional screen printing so much as a...sort of a sheet vinyl thing. It seems to hold up reasonably well in the wash -- I've had my "I [heart] polypraxy" shirt since Novemberish and it seems to be alright -- but it may weather a little differently.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I will define red for you. But yeah, American Apparel and I are not friends. At all. Which is a shame because they are so ethical about some things, but punch my anger buttons liek WOAH. We shall consider the options.

(Why do I feel like this whole Glee thing is going to turn into another case of "cosplaying the wrong thing at the wrong con" in the tradition of Doctor Who at a Harry Potter con and Inception at Gally?)

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Let me call over there today and see what they stock. I think the other vendor they carry may be Hanes, but I don't know what colors and limitations they have. I could also ask if they're okay with bringing in other shirts; I know that Old Navy had some nice navy-on-navy ringer tees in the mens department last time I was there.

Also, I'm not sure you can cosplay the wrong thing at a Doctor Who convention. Dimension-hopping time travel! JK Rowling is canon! Rose wants a bit of Spock!

Well, okay, there is no Noddy, but we like to gloss over that. Er.

[rm.livejournal.com]

There is so much crossover fic I am trying not to write. SO MUCH. OMG. I need to write more of my little Boston saga, since I know I will have no time on the next Boston trip, wherein I have 8 hours of meetings both days I am there (much, again, at Harvard, which is what set this all off in the first place).