sundries - fandom makes me sad

[rm]

A few days ago I talked about how using homophobia in Glee fanfics both makes sense and can be squicky like some H/C is squicky.

Since then, I've run across a huge number of fics that have everything from Blaine's parents being mildly uncomfortable that he's gay, to Blaine's dad hitting him for bringing a boyfriend home. Quality of the fics have ranged all over the place, and is totally besides the point.

Because every single one of those fics has multiple comments that say "this is what would happen if I came out to my parents."

Which really makes everything in the fandom feel different from over here. Now sure, fandom is full of people working out their shit (I do it, you do it, we all do it -- Draco has an eating disorder and wears leather pants, it's just how it goes) with various levels of artistry and subtlety, so none of this is news.

But it just fucking broke me.

Side note to Glee fandom: If you're going to write stories where somehow you have to reference New York private schools, and you don't know things, please just ask me. Because someone totally just wrote a non-gender swap fic that put a boy at a major all-girls school here. No. LET ME HELP YOU.

I am not crafty like this, but am tempted because I am a freak.

In other news, I'm sick as a dog (stomach and sinuses and I've been in bed since 10pm last night waiting for the room to stop spinning) and have to teach tonight.

Do you know what tomorrow is? PATTY WILL BE HOME IN ONE WEEK.

Comments

[eac.livejournal.com]

My brother, who is 34, recently came out to my parents and I. He apparently failed to tell us until now because he was sure my parents would disown him. (And he didn't tell me because he didn't want to trust me to keep the secret from my parents.)

My parents haven't got the most progressive views around gay issues and I know why my brother wasn't able to tell them. Being beaten or thrown out or erased because you're gay was the story of our generation.

Here's the thing, though - my dad was crushed because he couldn't believe my brother didn't trust him, and both my parents have, in fact, been accepting. There's a difference between telling your parents that you're gay at 17 and telling them at 34, obviously, but I hope some of the kids are wrong about their parents.

Also, I hope you feel better.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a lot of this mirrors my experience. And I should write about this, because there's this perception (that I've become aware of through several different email communications lately) that I'm brave and always out/speaking my truth. Didn't come out to my parents until I was in my 30s, and a stupid doctor told me my undiagnosed celiac might be cancer. Sometimes no one has obvious forms of courage and that okay.

(Meanwhile, thank you.)

[eac.livejournal.com]

From my perspective, the delay on telling your parents just means you know what you're talking about. :)

(Also, my brother also spent a lot of that time trying to date girls because if it happened to work in any reasonable way it would be easier - from his younger perspective - not to deal. Except, you know, it didn't work.)

[rm.livejournal.com]

I didn't do that at least, as I dated as I pleased. What lingers in my mind is, I think, a suspicion my parents have that something either happened with men to put me off them, or that's why my ex and I didn't work (no, not there were a hundred bazillion reasons we didn't work, and maybe 1% of those reasons had anything to do with sexual orientation and gender and was like, seriously, SERIOUSLY not a big deal). But coming out is awful enough. It's just far too squicky to have to get into the rest of it.

Right now I'm watching my parents try to navigate (finally, after about 5 years) the "We have a gay kid" territory. Should my mom do more for gay rights? (she says yes!) Can we talk about gay characters on TV? (suddenly, yes!) Does she totally freak out if I may any joke about gender roles that doesn't frame me as very and obviously feminine at all times? Also yes. So struggle struggle struggle. Do I wonder if it's all too much to ask? Totally. They didn't sign up for this shit. Or at least, they didn't know they did.

[eac.livejournal.com]

It's pretty thorny territory all around.

I have no idea where my parents will be about this stuff in 5 years (and to some degree it's not my business - I feel very strongly about gay rights and I love my brother, but it's his life). My mom has taken an "I always knew" posture. My dad is clearly trying to process something about his own masculinity with respect to my brother, but he says it's not my brother's problem. Neither of them wants to talk about it, which might suit my brother just fine. *shrug*

(And for an outside check - I've done the expected thing and married and had kids, so my mom has to process other things she doesn't like about me. I should have gotten a PhD and taught; I don't have a significant career, *my hair was cut in too masculine a way*, etc. etc.)