(no subject)

[rm]

Pretty tired and noncommunicative right now. Had three auditions today, don't know if anything will come of any of them, but it's damn damn exhausting. I spent more time on the subway today than anything else, and accidentally bought disgusting low-fat guacamole at Whole Foods.

I'm going to go see King Arthur tomorrow, eventhough it looks positively awful and it apparently doesn't even touch the infamous love-triangle, although I'm sure if the film doesn't contain some slashy brilliance somewhere, someone I know can at least make some up. Keira Knightly will have every lady I know surely painting herself with weird blue patterns come Halloween though, so it'll be good for something at least.

I'm struggling with a lot of stuff right now... mostly the grind of what is often fantastic, but also often a pain in the ass. Among other things Counsellor allowed me to become a more informed performer, in terms of what I'm good at, what I need to work on, what the industry is like, what potentials I have _right now_ and so forth, and it's made me self-conscious in a way that has inadvertantly rocked my confidence, and it's showing in auditions right now. It's not something I'm happy about, although I suspect it's one of those normal developmental phases as far as these things go. There are stakes now, where there weren't before, at least in my head.

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[orien.livejournal.com]

While I was reading an essay about Odin, I came across a line that put me in mind of you. I will quote it in context, lest it be too ostentatious.

Odin is lord of death, and battle, and the galdric arts. Of poetry, and inspiration, and of finding things out. Of madness, and pain, and music. He is the god of transformation, of transcendance. His way is the way of growth through death and rebirth. He has, perhaps, one gift to give and that is the gift of hardship, of challenge. Perform, he says, or die.