(no subject)
Aug. 1st, 2004 04:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rmI've come to a conclusion about me and this working out thing and more specifically the origin of it.
In a lot of ways I am insanely fearless, because I trust my intellect to get me through difficult situations and out of bad ones. I've had years of the universe demonstrating to me that this is a good theory.
Physically, I'm a lot more fearful, and although I can fight through some of those physical fears well enough when I have to, it's definitely a big wall for me. And I obsess on it (see tirade from about a week ago).
So... I've decided to stop worrying about overcoming those fears, and start worrying about making my body strong and agile enough that I know it can respond to most situations bot in life in general and in the realm of acting. It's a manageable goal, and a fun one because I've convinced myself that if I do this, I'm going to get to do all sorts of other stuff.
With that in mind, I walked four miles today, bought gourmet groceries and lifted weights. Right now, my small silly short term goal other than looking and feeling better is being able to do a handstand. I've never been able to, and I figure if my arms can support my own weight, I'm going to feel a lot more comfortable with situations where I could fall or slip or otherwise have to protect my face.
I feel pathetic saying all this, that I have to... that everything makes me so nuts, but fine, fuck it. I don't not win. I do opt out too much. I'm not opting out here.
In a lot of ways I am insanely fearless, because I trust my intellect to get me through difficult situations and out of bad ones. I've had years of the universe demonstrating to me that this is a good theory.
Physically, I'm a lot more fearful, and although I can fight through some of those physical fears well enough when I have to, it's definitely a big wall for me. And I obsess on it (see tirade from about a week ago).
So... I've decided to stop worrying about overcoming those fears, and start worrying about making my body strong and agile enough that I know it can respond to most situations bot in life in general and in the realm of acting. It's a manageable goal, and a fun one because I've convinced myself that if I do this, I'm going to get to do all sorts of other stuff.
With that in mind, I walked four miles today, bought gourmet groceries and lifted weights. Right now, my small silly short term goal other than looking and feeling better is being able to do a handstand. I've never been able to, and I figure if my arms can support my own weight, I'm going to feel a lot more comfortable with situations where I could fall or slip or otherwise have to protect my face.
I feel pathetic saying all this, that I have to... that everything makes me so nuts, but fine, fuck it. I don't not win. I do opt out too much. I'm not opting out here.
