rm | (no subject)

This has been _such_ a fucked up roller-coaster of a night. From a whole bunch of types of good to a whole bunch of different types of bad.

I'm having a hard time adjusting to NYC still. I hate the realization that I simply can't be free of my neuroses here because I grew up here and I will always remember how to feel persecuted here. And I'm not sure how I feel about the realization that it wasn't that I convinced myself that I loved Sydney sight unseen, but that I convinced myself it loved me sight unseen -- and that's the thing about New York -- I can love it all I want, but the bitch don't love back, which is _fine_ until you've been somewhere else. It'll be better when it's warm. It'll be better when I'm not menstruating. It'll be better when there's daylight and I can go to bed at midnight every night and get up at five a.m. (because really, that's the schedule that makes me feel happiest and most productive, but I can't do it in this season).