Yes, I realize that, to do what you want to do, you pretty much have to be in either NYC or LA. And, frankly, I wouldn't wish LA on anyone. I must say that I have, while reading your LJ, frequently thought that living far, far away from your parents for an extended period of time would do you both a world of good. For one thing, they might learn to appreciate you more for who you really are.
Each family dynamic can have limitations - and benefits. When I was first exposed to my wife's Chinese family, I thought the parents had way too much power and control over their kids - and I thought the lack of, what I considered to be, appropriate boundaries to be somewhat frightening. For example, my wife’s family would be overjoyed if we moved in with them. On the other hand, my father would be utterly appalled at that prospect. Over time, though, I have seen how some of the benefits of their closeness play out. I would be the very last person to suggest that my mother-in-law hasn’t treated me like a son. I am extremely grateful for all their warmth and caring. At the same time, my wife has seen some of the strengths of my dad's approach - which is a lot more relaxed.
A guy I read once observed that the filial piety that is part of Confucian cultures keeps the people in them from growing up. Worship your parents, he thought, and you'll stay a child forever. I mentioned this to my wife, fully expecting her to denounce it, and was surprised when she agreed with this caustic assessment wholeheartedly.
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Date: 2006-04-11 09:57 pm (UTC)Each family dynamic can have limitations - and benefits. When I was first exposed to my wife's Chinese family, I thought the parents had way too much power and control over their kids - and I thought the lack of, what I considered to be, appropriate boundaries to be somewhat frightening. For example, my wife’s family would be overjoyed if we moved in with them. On the other hand, my father would be utterly appalled at that prospect. Over time, though, I have seen how some of the benefits of their closeness play out. I would be the very last person to suggest that my mother-in-law hasn’t treated me like a son. I am extremely grateful for all their warmth and caring. At the same time, my wife has seen some of the strengths of my dad's approach - which is a lot more relaxed.
A guy I read once observed that the filial piety that is part of Confucian cultures keeps the people in them from growing up. Worship your parents, he thought, and you'll stay a child forever. I mentioned this to my wife, fully expecting her to denounce it, and was surprised when she agreed with this caustic assessment wholeheartedly.