yeah, that's why I do it

[rm]

My sense of my body tells me the back of my head is heavier than my chin, and that even if it weren't I'd pretend, as I do not, in fact, need to see my feet to walk; my posture is proud and I forget this offends.

I dress, when I dress (as opposed to throwing on crap), in a very particular fashion. What surprises me, when I stop to think about it, is that people never make fun of me for the clothes. If I get comments at all, they are gracious and lovely. Well, people at work made fun of me for a few months for wearing my pants tucked into boots, and then the whole world decided that was fashion, and I was smug. I'm been just ahead of the curve for a few years now, and I've been enjoying it.

Today I wore one of my bustle skirts, which, while costumey, is worth noting was purchased at Urban Outfitters. The second I got onto the subway a woman burst into laughter and started speaking extremely loudly to her friend across the aisle as if I were not there between them.

The friend nodded at her derision of me.

"Oh no, you got to see it from behind. It's all this messed up laundry, we know she don't have an ass under there, she thinks that's gonna get her something."

I turned and glared at the woman. This is usually effective. I made eye contact with her until she looked away, and then she continued. Despite every impulse in my body, I didn't move; instead I watched the other woman's young son wave a baseball bat between his legs and declare it was his penis. His mom didn't notice, because she was dying to see the stupid ass on my skirt and telling her friend so loudly.

Finally, a seat opened up, and you're damn right I'll move for that. In doing so, the woman with the son was able to see my skirt, and also started howling. "Ugly!" she shouted, and the first woman began to make fun of my posture, by sitting up straight, holding her head up high, and then wriggling.

I leaned forward in my seat. "It's a bustle. And you're rude."

Eye contact again, but no acknowledgement, she turned back to her friend and continued on. I grit my teeth, and eventually they got off the subway, the little boy still waving the whiffle ball bat between his legs. I tried to ungrit my teeth and failed.

People rarely fuck with me about my aesthetic deal these days. I suspect this transpired largely because this morning I wanted to dress masculinely and couldn't because it was too hot out, and with my general aesthetic sense, it's just impossible when it gets warm, so I felt a bit in drag today and perhaps my discomfort registered. I don't know.

The fact remains that how I dress and how I look has a sense and consistency to it. The fact also remains that I'm all for gossip, opinions and even scathing remarks, but you either address it to the person, or you keep it under your breath, you don't hoot and holler your obliviousness and you do not mock people for carrying their body with dignity.

I'm a ridiculous soul, but not in this sense. And it really sucked.

Comments

[saltbox.livejournal.com]

1. Yuck, what a bummer.

2. I want a bustle skirt, but am worried I'm too short (5'2") for it. Doesn't help that I'm awkward with heels.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I have 4 skirts with bustles -- one that's quite traditionally so and three that we call bustles in moderns clothes but actually aren't (the bustle is more under teh ass than over it). And only one of them is long. I think they would not work with flats, but would work with flat boots in a way where your height would be a non issue.

[saltbox.livejournal.com]

Really? They make short bustles? I should look for those.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the skirt I got from Urban Outfitters has a great tradition bustle and it's knee lendth in front and only about 2 inches longer in back. And this was within the last four months.

[saltbox.livejournal.com]

Nice! Though I haven't been able to buy stuff from Urban Outfitters since I learned the owner donates lots to pro-life/abstinence groups. But I'm sure that means there are knockoffs.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yup, and you know, this was the first thing I bought tehre in _years_ for that reason. I tried to stop myself and just couldn't.

[saltbox.livejournal.com]

I'd find it hard to pass up as well! So I don't even go near those stores anymore.

[saltbox.livejournal.com]

3. Be proud of your ability to bother people. It's a power, for sure. I've tried for years, and failed. See, e.g., me with shaved head. "Aww, look at the little girl with the shaved head--isn't she cute?" Or me with the septum ring. "Aww, look at the little girl with that thing in her nose! Usually I think that's ugly, but she looks adorable!" Me in my supermuscular weightlifting period. "Aww, look at that cute little girl with her muscles! Isn't that just sweet?" Coming from all walks of life--male, female, old, young, white, black, hispanic, Asian. My essence, alas, is entirely unthreatening. I make up for it in court, where I (usually) kick ass, without any prior threats because apparently I am unable to make them. But you should be proud of your ability to threaten, because you can do a lot more with that.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Oh I am proud of my ability to bother people. Honestly, I always have been, but I've never been comfortable with that until recently. it's sort of a +10 coolness thing with the HP geeks I know, and I've been embracing it ever since.

[saltbox.livejournal.com]

Me, I've learned to make do with my essential nonthreateningness (my round face v. your long, is my guess). Hurts more, I tell myself, to be beaten by someone who looks about sixteen.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I thinnk that's a very fair asessment. And yeah, large it's the long face. And the nose. And the looking down it over the top of my glasses thing.

[saltbox.livejournal.com]

I wish I had a nose to speak of. Probably why I have such a nose fetish. I look down over my glasses, too, though, but apparently that also is "cute."

[rm.livejournal.com]

People tell me it's cute on me too, but I think they just have a perverse sense of the word.

[saltbox.livejournal.com]

Nah, I bet it looks good!

[melebeth]

Oooh. Bustle skirt.

On a more serious note, in the book Friday, Heinlein made some comment about rudeness being the first sign of the downfall of a society, and I can not help but agree. I am horrified that anyone would set such an awful example for their child. If you can't say something nice, whisper it under your breath. (Keeping it to yourself is probably too much to ask.)

And, for what its worth, I would kill for decent posture and (from your pictures) your fashion sense. If I saw you on the subway I'd probably wait till I was on my way out and say , in passing, "You look aggravatingly phenomenal, I wish I could pull off outfits like that with such flair."

Of course, I also walk up to strangers on the street and verbally admire their clothing when it's terribly exciting. Like the British guy in the gorgeous antique military coat I saw down by NYU about a month ago. The buttons made me all swoony. People should be admired for displaying individuality. It's nice when someone isn't impersonating a sheep.

[rm.livejournal.com]

OH I wish I could have seen that fellow!

One day we will have to meet up btw, at an audition or otherwise. It's too ridiculous.

[melebeth]

He was mega-shiny.

I was actually going to lie in wait for you at Blood Wedding, but I ended up deciding to get to class on time instead. That was _definitely_ the wrong decision. It was a very boring class. :)

[schpahky.livejournal.com]

I just think of that woman fishing for her button under our table that night and saying to you, "I saw your skirt and I thought, oh, she'll understand."

The lady who harrassed you will be karmically punished for not knowing what a bustle is.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Thank you for pinpointing EXACTLY what triggered my irritation. Fine, think I look ugly or think I look like a total pratt, but at least know _why_ goddamn it.

[raaven.livejournal.com]

People are shitheads.I'm sorry that you had to deal with one of the shittier, today.

And just think, she's PROUD of her rude ignorance. Gah.

[marzipan-pig.livejournal.com]

The bit about the boy and the penis/bat is interesting.

I had to look up (modern) bustles on the web since I hadn't realized they had come back, and while I'm not crazy about the style (and it would make my butt look fat), it does seem like there's a better way to handle it. I could imagine someone saying 'Did you know your skirt is hiked up in back?' if they really didn't get that it was an understood style.

Honestly, saying "Did you see that woman's skirt?" and then asking you what it is might still have been rude but at least included you in the interaction and given you the opportunity to claim your own outfit, you know?

[rm.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Like it's totally cool for her to think it was ugly, it might even have been acceptable for her to communicate this to her friend in front of me, or to me directly, but woah, this! It was so loud too. So so so loud. It was one of those oments where everyone on teh train kept looking at each other trying to decide if they should get even more uncomfortable!

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

I think this ties in to the opposite of one aspectyour behavior; it's the "We can speak loudly about whatever we like in front of the servants/underclass/human-shaped things of no account, because they don't matter, and if they're intelligent enough to be humiliated, then good for them" mindset.

I don't know if that came out clearly, but it's the "you're nothing but a target" bullshit.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I had to read that twice, but yeah, totally.

[crazycatlady.livejournal.com]

See, you've got far more restraint than I do. I would've taken the little boy's bat and crushed her larynx with it.