rm | only you can prevent forest fires

48 hours ago I called 311 to report the open hydrant one block from my house. I was sick of it flooding the street and knew that such things cause dangerous water pressure drops for fighting fires. It's a terrible summer risk in the city. Sprinkler caps are available from the city, and if you don't get one, it's just lame. I saw on the news you could report these to 311 to solve it, and so I called.

311 transferred me to some NYC department or other. And the following annoying conversation ensued:

Me: Hi, I'd like to report an open hydrant.
Them: Like blasting or trickling?
Me: Blasting. It's an open hydrant without a sprinkler cap, and it's being opened every day and it's a hazard.
Them: Why?
Me: Because it drops the water pressure for fighting fires.
Them: So the water pressure in your building is screwed up?
Me: Well, yes (I lie to get her to take the report). But seriously, it's a hazard. It needs a sprinkler cap.
Them: Okay. I'll take that down I guess. So, the hazard is what? Water in the street?
Me: No. Yes. Look, you need to have someone deal with this.

Eventually, she takes my report.
Today, I'm pleased to report the hydrant is open, WITH A SPRINKLER CAP.

I know it will make you feel like a total granny narc, but you can report these things anonymously and should