HP character piano bar hell

[rm]

Tonight tsarina, roadnotes, coyotegoth and Matt ("not even an HP fan, just a geek") and I went to Rose's Turn. After an offhand remark about the Phoenix Rising pre-opening night karaoke party and what I, in my Snape coat, should theoretically sing, we got on this thread of "the perfect karaoke/piano bar/cabaret songs for HP characters." Thanks to roadnotes we were able to document it. Now we present it to you. Please add your own.

Because it's not just obscene, but obscenely long -- cut tags!


Hermione
Like a Virgin
On My Own (from Les Mis)
I Want to be Dirty
Time is On My Side
Sugar Walls (yes, that was me)
Now You Know
Darling Nikki (no, that wasn't me)


Draco
Total Eclipse of the Heart
Popular (Wicked)
I Want it Now (Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory)
Seven Deadly Virtues (Camelot)
The Weeping Song (as a duet with Lucius)


Lucius
I Never Do Anything Twice
What Do the Simple Folk Do? (Camelot)
Kiss Them For Me
I Feel Pretty (West Side Story)
Personal Jesus
Master & Servant
Sweet Dreams
The Weeping Song (duet with Draco)
Sweet Child of Mine (originally a suggestion for Remus, but then a discussion on the note cards where we were all figuring this out ensued: "Just think how much more upsetting it would be if Lucius sung it." "to Draco---?" "Yes.")
Breaking Us In Two


Severus
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (Wicked)
Hurts So Good
I Don't Know How to Love Him (this is so hysterically funny to me that people should perhaps be concerned)
Don't Stand So Close to Me
Let's Make Lots of Money
Never Let Me Down
Missionary Man
Company Theme (crackfic!Snape)
Nobody's Side (Chess)
Breaking Us in Two
Route 66 (HomeFriesNazi!Snape)


Remus
Come What May (duet with Sirius)
The Way We Were
Sweet Child of Mine
I Try
Moonshadow
I am Stretched on Your Grave
The Wind That Shakes the Barley
Julia
Nothing Compares 2U
Fire and Rain
Constant Craving
The Show Must Go On
Stranger Song
Something to Talk About (or Trio in Azkaban -- thanks Curan!)
Under Pressure
2HB
My Heart Will Go On


Sirius
Werewolves of London (until Remus yells at him to shut up)
Ring of Fire
Purple Rain
You Wreck Me
Who Wants to Live Forever?
Forever Young
I want to be your Dog
Never Tear Us Apart
Nothing Compares 2 U
I'm on Fire
Princes of the Universe (w/ James)
2HB


Any Random Weasley
Twins -- Anything Yu Can Do, I Can Do Better
Bill -- She Loves My Tractor Dragon
Bill -- Walk Like an Egyptian
Ron -- Smells LIke Teen Spirit
Ginny -- Somwhere Over the Rainbow
All -- So Long, Farewell


Freakish Random Shit
Purebloods -- You've Got to Be Carefully Taught
Voldemort to Nagini -- Never Tear Us Apart
Harry & Voldemort -- With or Without You
Dementors -- Be Our Guest
Seamus -- I Want my MTV
Bellatrix -- Baby's on Fire
Lockhart -- Dr. Feelgood
Voldemort -- Bela Luogsi's Dead
Voldemort -- Heart-shaped Box
Hagrid -- If I Were King of the Forest
Tonks -- Last Kiss
Buckbeak -- Don't Fence Me In
Pettigrew -- Hotel california
Sorting Hat -- Tradition
Narcissa -- Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Hagrid -- Putting on the Ritz
Bellatrix -- Rose's Turn
Horcruxes -- Piece of My Heart
Tom Riddle -- Jumping Jack Flash
Bellatrix -- Troy
Bellatrix -- Queen & the Soldier
Viktor Krum -- Pretty in PInk
Death Eater Chorus -- Scary Monsters
Voldemort -- Paint it Black
Arabella Figg -- Witchy Woman
Lockhart -- C'est Moi
Bellatrix -- Gold Dust Woman
Ginny Weasley & Tom Riddle -- Don't You Want Me?
Minerva -- Knocking on Heaven's Door
Minerva -- Cat Scratch Fever
Minerva -- Acrobat
Minerva -- Celdonian Blues
Tonks -- Brass in Pocket
Pettigrew -- Tainted Love
Dumbledore or Voldemort -- Trust in Me (Jungle Book)
Squid/Castle -- Wild Horses
Neville -- Sweet Transvestite (I have no idea where this came from)
Fleur -- I Enjoy Being a Girl
Dumbledore -- Puff the Magic Dragon
Harry -- Heroes
Voldemort -- Lallabye (The Cure)
Harry -- China Girl
Rita Skeeter -- Everybody Knows
Squid/Castle -- Octopus's Garden
Dumbledore to Snape -- Don't Leave Me This Way
Aberforth Dumbledore -- Worst Pies in London
Rabastan LeStrange -- 18 & Life to Go
Bellatrix -- Polly
James & Lilly -- Jack & Diane
Neville & Luna -- Square Pegs theme
Narcissa -- Landslide
Narcissa -- Rhianon
Luna -- Spacedog
James & Lily's funeral -- Hey Jude

Comments

[torenheksje.livejournal.com]

Oh geez, I am *crying* with laughter over here...these are INSPIRED! I was doing fine until I got to the mental image of Lucius singing "What Do The Simple Folk Do?" and it was all downhill from there. This needs to be posted to Hogwarts Today. And ya'll are whacked (but in a good way.) :c)

*still giggling madly*

[rm.livejournal.com]

Do feel free to point them at it. I think "Horcruxes" might be my favorite. It makes them sound cuddly somehow.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

The Horcrux Hallejulah Chorus!

and I was just going on about fanmixes....

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

*dies* Not only is the idea of Draco singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" hilarious, but it's even more perfect if you imagine him doing the dance remix we heard the other day at our favorite gay hamburger joint.

I pretty much lost it after that one and so many of the rest of these had me cracking up and reading them to Nancy.

Re: and I was just going on about fanmixes....

[rm.livejournal.com]

I know I just saw your post and figured something was in the air!

Thank you!

We had a blast. I might scan in the orignal horrible notecards where we worked this al out.

Re: and I was just going on about fanmixes....

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

How about Lucius singing Klaus Nomi's version of Total Eclipse operatic style LOL

Re: and I was just going on about fanmixes....

[rm.livejournal.com]

Hahaha. I just tried to explain Klaus Nomi to tsarina and failed. Perhaps you'd like to try.

Re: and I was just going on about fanmixes....

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

"He's like David Bowie, only operatic and wierd."

Re: and I was just going on about fanmixes....

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

The Klaus File (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klaus_Nomi)

[ladyofthelog.livejournal.com]

Dementors + "Be Our Guest" = blows my mind.

You ARE talking about the song from Beauty and the Beast with dancing cultery and food, no?


Also, you've forgotten Remus & Sirius's duet - LOVE SHACK!

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yes on Dementors. I think that was roadnotes.

And you are so right!

[ladyofthelog.livejournal.com]

I think the Giant Squid should get to sing "Under the Sea," in that case.

Squid: *leering at Ron* Baby, it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me!

[ladyofthelog.livejournal.com]

Also: Voldemort to Ginny: Thank Heaven for Little Girls

[rm.livejournal.com]

that's almost sicker than my Sugar Walls thing.

Genius.

Forgive my lack of fan knowledge

[frawst.livejournal.com]

Is Severus singing 'I Don't Know How to Love Him' to Albus? Because the video of him walking around Hogwarts and catching Albus in his peripheral vision laughing with the children or talking to Minerva while singing it is now playing in my head, and I think I like it.

Re: Forgive my lack of fan knowledge

[rm.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I didn't get that far. It's hillarious directed at pretty much any character at all.

Re: Forgive my lack of fan knowledge

[frawst.livejournal.com]

true enough

Re: Forgive my lack of fan knowledge

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

I had envisioned him singing it to Dumbledore, myself.

[fuyukodachi.livejournal.com]

Needs more Lion King.

http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/classicdisney/beprepared.htm

[slythwolf.livejournal.com]

YES.

*ded*

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

I have almost coughed myself to death here, trying not to laugh with a painful sore throat.

Remus is drunk as shit, isn't he?

And I think it has to be Narcissa on duet on "simple Folk", of course. Tra la.

I must add requests:
Draco: "'Cause I'm a Blonde"
Hermione: "I like 'em big and Stupid" and "Stand by your man", God help us

Remus does "Candle in the Wind" and it's all sappy. He should probably also do "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" while he's still sober.

Tonks does a very cute "I'm GOnna Wash That Man Right Out of my Hair" while changing her hair color.

Somebody who is mad at Remus has to try to sing "I'm gonna buy me a Dog". It will just make Remus laugh.

GInny does "Someone to Watch over Me" and it's a bit spooky.

Hagrid probably thinks he does a really good Elvis imitation.

One of the Marauders needs to do "My Generation".

Draco does "When Doves Cry", of course.

Trelawney wants to sing "Memories" from Cats. Someone should stop her.

Lucius actually *does* do a rather good Frank Sinatra, but has to be goaded into it.

But Bella's ability to karaoke Diamanda Galas will take the prize, and possibly sanity points.

McGOnagall should do the proper, bitter version of "Send in the Clowns".

Voldemort has a scary falsetto which is well suited to "Stayin' ALive".

Harry and his mum should do the "Unforgettable" Cole duet.

Neville wants to do "I Shot the SHeriff".

And it distresses me to find the idea of Dumbledore singing "What a wonderful World" to be almost touching. This is probably because I can't hear how off-key he is.

My fiance plagues me with an industrial-goth cover of "Oops, I Did It Again" which is also well-suited to Voldemort.

Hermione will do "You're So Vain" after Ron does something obnoxious.

James and Lily: "Daydream Believer".

TOnks does "Suffragette City".

THey fight over "The Bitch Is Back" and who to dedicate it to.

I can't figure out who duets on "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me". The number of pairings are just appalling.

Nevile does that "Mmm Mmm Mmm" song and it's actually sort of working. Or maybe we're drunk.

"When a Ca-astle loves a Squi-id..."

My brain wants several of them to do YMCA.

Tonks belts out "Killing me Softly", and Remus refuses to do what he was supposed to sing next as a result.

DUmbledore mangles all the verses of "That's Amore" quite happily.

Voldemort with a falsetto is just frightening. He wants to do Michael Jackson's "Bad" now.

Various jailbreakers do "Jailhouse Rock".

TOnks does "Respect" unless someone beats her to it, and I'm sure someone should.

HErmione and GInny: "Always True to you, darlin' in my fashion".

Minerva is restrained from attempting "Stand By Your Man" when she can't quite make it to the stage. She and Tonks have been drinking heavily.

Voldy falsettos "Fame".

If we're doing CHess songs, the dementors want the diplomats' song.

Hagrid and Buckbeak will try to do "Wind Beaneath My Wings" and it is painfully bad.

Various dead-ish people do "Knockin' On Heaven's Door".

A very drunk Severus mangles "Secret Agent Man" because somebody made him do it.

Oh, I see. Narcissa's stayed sober enough to engineer them into daring each other into it, and that's why Lucius is is now singing "Vogue".



WHen everyone is too drunk to figure out who goes next, Remus sneaks up again and tries to do "Who Let the Dogs Out". Someone throws beer.

And I am stopping myself from filking House of the Rising Sun about the Hogwarts houses.

Can you tell you've enlivened an hour or two of snot-induced insomnia? Thank you.

[torenheksje.livejournal.com]

You're another dangerous person at this game. :c)

***Draco: "'Cause I'm a Blonde"
Hermione: "I like 'em big and Stupid" and "Stand by your man", ***

Yes. Oh, yes, indeed.

***Voldemort with a falsetto is just frightening. He wants to do Michael Jackson's "Bad" now. ***

"Because I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it..."

Oh. My. God. The visual *buuuurrrnss* us, precious! (Does he actually *have* a crotch to grab? Voldie in a codpiece is just wrong on so many levels......)

And as long as Elvis is in the building, I'll add Remus singing "Hound Dog" to Black.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

It could be worse; Voldie could have gone for "Thriller..."

[rm.livejournal.com]

We actually had the "empty chairs at empty tables" conversation but I don't think it made it to the note cards.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

I actually suggested "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables," although I see it as happening at around two in the morning, when the firewhiskey is almost gone, and Rosmerta doesn't quite have the heart to shoo him out the door.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Also, Voldemort doing "Fame" has done bad things to the inside of my head.

[moonlit-violets.livejournal.com]

A very drunk Severus mangles "Secret Agent Man" because somebody made him do it.

LMAO!!

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

ahahahahahaha, falling off chair worthy... brilliant...


I am a singer, would do a few of those for real you know... want to add to them but have to work, will later...

[rm.livejournal.com]

Well, there is that karaoke night at PR....

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

hmmm, I do think I will do something *evil grin*

[rm.livejournal.com]

Despite the fact that I _can_ sing, I have insane nerves about it and so pretty much don't -- that said, I might just do a shot and go for it, because this is all too funny. I just have to come up with one of those songs that they'll a) have on the karaoke machine, b) I know regardless of impairment and c) sound okay even when impaired.

[rufus.livejournal.com]

Remus and Sirius also duet with "Beauty and the Beast" (Bowie).

I fought the Law (and the law won) -- Sirius

Mama Tried -- Sirius

Remus does a stompy "Train in Vain" (the Clash).

We belong together -- Tonks to Remus, possibly also Sirius to Remus

Brothers in Arms -- Harry

Hold On (Tom Waits) -- Remus

Everything Louder Than Everything Else -- the Twins

Street Fighting Man -- Alastor Moody

The Grouch (Green Day) -- Severus

[rm.livejournal.com]

I can't believe we didn't think of "I fought the law"

[melebeth]

Ow. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

[britgeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

I'm putting this list together as a playlist on my iPod, I swear... :)

[schmidtybooger.livejournal.com]

You win at the internets.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Also? Ginny Weasley doing "Possession"... to Voldemort.

[slythwolf.livejournal.com]

Call me crazy, but I want Dumbledore to sing "Don't Fear the Reaper" and complain that there's not enough cowbell.

[mortyys.livejournal.com]

*here through Hogwarts today*

I was totally keeping the hysterical laughing in check, seeing as I have a house full of people, but I saw this comment and now I have four people *very* angry at me! I just could not hold it in anymore after this comment!

You all win at life!!!!

<3 Leigh

[beautyfulevil.livejournal.com]

OMFG That's hilarious! Someone should write the story for this. That list has crack!fic written all over it.

[moonlit-violets.livejournal.com]

Severus: Don't Stand So Close to Me
Bwaaaa! And my dirty little mind came up with Professor/Student pairings aplenty!

Next up:

The Gryffindor/Slytherin Potions Class does a song and dance number to Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall Part 2"... Directed by various Hogwarts staff members... one minor word change...

Students:
We don't need no education
We dont need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.


Snape: "Wrong, Do it again!"
Hagrid: "If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"
McGonagall : "You! Yes, you behind the bikesheds broomsheds, stand still laddy!"

[rm.livejournal.com]

This is genius!

[mayushi.livejournal.com]

*is here through hd_prophet*
That I can actually imagine the Weasleys singing So Long, Farewell is not going to do good things for my sanity. *giggles* I was pretty lost long before that - somewhere around the time Draco decided to sing 'Popular'... And the Dementors! And the Sorting Hat! "Tradition!" *dies laughing* I think I'm going to be grinning all day, after this! You guys are brilliant!

Someone should really really REALLY turn this list into a crack!fic.