rm | sundry

Rain didn't start 'til after I got home, much to my relief. That said, I adore wind, when there isn't rain inolved, so being out in the world today was awesome. It is absolutely my element, to a point that's a little weird.

When I'm in a place where I'm writing, all my characters get my attention in different ways, mostly with physical gesture, which of course is the sort of statement that only people who have a similar phenomena or process understand. One of them has taken to grabbing around my waist really tightly, and I'm more than a little puzzled as to what that's about. After all, my characters are supposed to be my security blankets and not the other way around.

There was a bit of scotch in the afternoon today, that I should have eaten prior to indulging in. In thinking about a range of stuff going on in my life right now, I'm sort of shocked at how self-protective I am. Especially considering my lack of internal-censor and general inability to not express a lot of things I shouldn't. Without getting into a discussion on the existence (or not) of The Self, this is very interesting to me, just because of the degree to which my early-twenties understanding of myself and my artistic endeavors was _all_ about wanting to talk about things that are common experiences that we all treat as secrets and viewing self-revelation as a right, art and obligation. And while I still have a really generous spirit towards those ideas, and agree with them albeit in a broader, more theoretical, you-don't-need-to-know-what-i-ate-for-breakfast sort of way, (also in a stubborn where's-your-great-American-novel-now? way, but that's another story), it's become extremely clear that I want people to hunt me down, and I want to lead them on with breadcrumbs, and I want them never, ever to win. Which is one hell of a cross between defensive wounded-child testing behavior, witty urban unpleasantry, and primal trickster hooha. That's a thing-and-a-half. For about five-and-a-half reasons.

In less introspective but still utterly surprising news, the bodega across the street now has the green Swedish almond candies that