(no subject)

[rm]

It's not even noon and I feel like a superhero with a chronic sinus condition. Sinuses not related to superhero-ness.

Unrelatedly, I really hate when people get all suicidal on LJ. I don't mean to make it sound like an inconvenience -- that's not what I mean. D. announced he was going to kill himself on MySpace and either no one noticed or everyone just thought he was being a goth, so when other people do things that can be construed similarly, I tend to freak out, because wow, people just look the other way. I've 911'ed on someone's suicide threats twice in my life, and of course, in both cases, later they were all like "that's not what I meant" which was entirely not true -- everyone I knew backed me up on it, but it was horrible, and this stuff just freaks me out. Especially as most people do just look the other goddamn way. Better safe than sorry -- I mean it's someone's life for fuck's sake. It boggles my mind that people are more afraid of being embarassed than someone DYING.

Man, it's been a day already, hasn't it?

I'm listening to Scottish music, chugging Airborne and wondering what else Monday is going to bring.

Comments

[manycolored.livejournal.com]

There's something really uncomfortable about it. When I did it, I felt so unsure of myself, always second-guessing whether I'd been factually or morally right at all. On the one hand, I felt like I'd probably done the intelligent, principled thing. On the other hand, I felt like I'd made quite a mess and come off as a buffoon.

[mobobocita.livejournal.com]

I even have those "friends" who will threaten for attention.

I'm stupdified that someone would want that kind of attention.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Ditto. In one of the two cases I cite, everyone we knew was like "well thank god he'll stop that shit now" but of course, he got months of mileage about how I was so evil for causing EMS to physically drag him out of his apartment. What did he expect from a goodbye cruel world note?

[lllvis.livejournal.com]

gah...

Suicide certainly isn't anything to kid about. When you say it how can you not expect anyone to take it seriously? But then in what you've described it's the ultimate attention-getter that falls flat because once they cop to not having been at all serious about it, people get upset with them.

Geez.

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

I've done that before, and as someone who lost his first friend ever to suicide, I don't take it lightly, so if they are just seeking attention or playing about, they would have to deal with a wrath that will be worse than death.

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

ohh, by "done that before" I mean helping out a suicide call ...

[rm.livejournal.com]

Word.
Very public visits from EMS tend to cure people of their impulse to be assholes in this regard.

And that utterly bites, man.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Much better to freak out than assume they're exaggerating, I'd say. Particularly since a friend of mine did get suicidal on LJ about a week ago (legitimately, though thankfully the post spurred enough immediate calls and emails and visits to stop her), and so all other mentions are still causing me to be 'oh my god don't die!'.

[fuyukodachi.livejournal.com]

Last time I tried to talk to someone about feeling suicidal and having lost the will to live, they screamed at me. This has happened to me with four different people. Otherwise, people ignore me. I think being screamed at makes me feel worse, particularly when I went to all of these people because I needed help talking myself out of it, and told them that.

I've never posted a "good-bye, cruel world" note. Like most people, when I was serious, I was doing it by myself. I wasn't killing myself at anything, or anyone, which I think a lot of the internet dramabombs are. I am probably some weird 1% of the population in this.

I have lost people to suicide. I have lost people to other forms of sudden, surprise death. I know how horrible it is, and I don't particularly want to put my wife through that. But I really need more of a drive to survive than that, and that was why I'd try to talk to people.

I've been feeling this way on a regular basis since I was 12; I don't suppose there's much point in getting upset or concerned, anymore, but when I specifically reach out to someone because it's really bad this time, or my circumstances feel really dangerous, it's unbelievably shitty to get ignored or screamed at. I really hate being told that I'm selfish, or being dramatic. I'm not entirely sure what's dramatic about a quiet and private conversation with someone I supposedly an trust. I'm also not sure what's selfish about asking someone for help so I don't fuck up the lives of people I love.

I've been dealing with this feeling this way most of the time lately. Yesterday was a frightening day. My mood about the whole song and dance is a little fresh, because I kept wanting to tell people help me yesterday, and couldn't or wouldn't because I didn't want to upset them, and there was nothing they could have done, anyway.

[hangedwoman.livejournal.com]

Urgh. I've gotten to the point where I have virtually no sympathy for most of those folks and will cheerfully tear them a new asshole when the fuss has died down. My favorites are the ones that yell at people afterwards for calling the police. Oh gee, I'm so sorry that mandatory hospitalization was a fucking inconvenience for you.

I say this having suffered from chronic depression since I was a child, and remembering first feeling seriously suicidal when I was 8. And having done a few interventions for others, starting in high school. If you really wanted to be dead, you wouldn't say a damn thing about it.

[hangedwoman.livejournal.com]

I understand. I've been there since I was at least 8. And I understand the difference between "good-bye cruel world" and "I need help."

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

So true.

It did, and all the more because he took Our dream castle ruin with him via fire. I'll never forgive him for that one.

[mizg.livejournal.com]

A man recently hanged himself on camera in a chat room. People were egging him on because they didn't think he was serious. Finally they realized that he really was doing it and someone called 911, but it was too late. We all need to be careful with what we say, and careful with what we do, but we must all take the risk of offending someone rather than risk letting them harm themselves.

[alabastardragon.livejournal.com]

An 'ex' of Mine was taking an OD once when I had her on the phone and I arranged for someone over here (I was in the UK and couldnt call 911 from there) to call them and stop her. Her mother thanked Me and told Me she'd be forever grateful but of course everyone involved in it hates Me now.. ho hum..

[delchi.livejournal.com]

Went through this in HS myself. She was legitimately trying, and I stopped it. I'll never get the sound of her screaming " I HATE YOU " as they wheeled her away out of my head. Still, better to have done something and all that.

I'm careful to put disclaimers in things that I write where I think that someone could interpert it as the ' goodbye cruel world ' note. I won't deny that I have had such thoughts, but I have never followed through on them - and it helps me to write out why one is feeling that way.

As far as D goes, that was a series of compounded tragedies, and his own determination. There were plenty of people who would have helped him out of his situation, and he knew it. He never was much one for taking assistance. I can't fault him his decision, but I can't say I'm too terribly pleased about it.

[coridan.livejournal.com]

Hey, R! Metcha at Lunacon, a pleasure!

And false suicide alarms online are like they are in real life - the height of irresponsibility.

Now, I have people close to me who go through severe down swings. I keep an eye on them, and attempt to take seriously what they say. Usually, getting them talking reveals what's going on, and some support can help them out of the brain chemical induced bad period. For peeps who have long term depression problems, all you can do is lend support and try to keep out a critical eye. I try to tell my peeps who feel that they are in a bad place to keep me involved, let me know what I can do for them, and that I love them.

That said, I've been lucky enough to not associate with someone who makes active suicide threats on a regular basis. I do have one person who is a bipolar such as myself, and while she has confessed to suicidal thoughts and feelings, she hasn't done anything stupid, yet. I tell her that I would miss her and her brownies very much. That usually makes her smile.

CB

[rm.livejournal.com]

Hey, which person are you that I met at LUnacon? Are you the fellow who hung out with Ellen and Delia and so forth in the lobby? Or are you a guy from the room 170 party? I'm terrible with names. I want to add you, but I want to know what part of small world theater you are first.

[coridan.livejournal.com]

I'm from the RM 170 party. I also bumped into you at the Consuite, and made the Lady Une comment about your costume at the time. In Rm 170, I went on a Bush tirade, for which I am rather embarassed - hey, I had a few drinks in me! :)

I'm not in theater, I am strictly fandom.

CB

[rm.livejournal.com]

Oh, okay. Cool. I know who you are, you're not the guy who is related to someone that would make it inconvenient to friend you and as such I will add you now.