unreal

[rm]

While by and large society is preoccupied with thinking about female bodies, body image and body ideals, we sure do suck at discussing it.

Probably because it's not very catchy to say something like "it's good for your body to be the size it wants to be at its healthiest and good for you to enjoy the flesh you're living in to the utmost." Especially when most of us don't get to be as healthy as we want -- I'm not, and I'm one of the lucky ones.

Plus, it's much, much catchier to say stuff like "real women have curves" or "there's something wrong with you if you're attracted to fat/thin/boyish/thick/curvy/WHATEVER chicks" or to rag on people for being a size 4 or a size 24.

You know what? It all sucks. And I know men don't escape either -- on height and hair and width of shoulders, timbre of voice and god knows what else, but I can only tackle so much at once.

I will be the first to admit that I enjoy privlege by being a skinny chick. I get that. I really do. But being skinny doesn't make me less female and being boyish doesn't make me less deserving of desire and none of it, if I'm lucky, have sense, and work hard, should effect my sense of worth as a person.

This is one of those things that I want to write eloquently about, but know I probably can't without pissing someone off in same way I really don't intend.

I shouldn't have to always follow up any discussion of my size with "but I have celiac disease, it's not like I try to look like this." I also shouldn't have to deal with people, including medical professionals, assuming I have eating disorders because that's somehow easier than actually speaking to me.

I look the way I look. I happen to like it. It's probably a product of my celiac disease, other medical stuff and the fact that I danced 8-hours a day during large chunks of my childhood and work out like a maniac now because fencing owns me. I hope that I enjoy myself enough in general that I'd like the way I looked even if I were an entirely different size. I don't know. Given our society, I can't imagine I'd get away angst free. Hell, I barely, barely get away angst free now. After all, I'm making this post.

Because I believe in the fictional life, the self-created life, the multiple life, I'm not sure I know what a real anyone is. I'm certainly not going to sit here and say what a real woman or man or person is. I'm happily a bit fictional, but it isn't because I wear a size four.

We should be able to talk about our bodies without judging each other. We should be able to talk about what we desire without judging each other (who here has heard or intuited some version of "I want you so bad, but my friends wouldn't understand?" or been told that they can "do better" because the person they loved and thought was sexy beyond all sexy wasn't mainstream hot?).

I'm very happy in my very strangely fluid life. And if you don't think I'm a real woman, that's all well and good. But it's not because of my goddamn size.

Comments

[coridan.livejournal.com]

Going along an entirely different track -

The reason it seems that north american white culture is obsessed with body weight and curves is because of the intimate relation between weight, social class and marriageability. Media projects to us an image of the ideal body form, which is often times contradictory, based on context. Being heavy seems both a combination an indicator of moral fiber and a subtle signal as to economic productivity - for example, being heavy seems to be an indicator of little self control and being a lifestyle choice - while being extremely thin, while more favorable, seems to still be an indicator of overall mental health with it's associations with various eating disorders. All of this seems to be a set of signals for woman to abandon ownership of their bodies - the only set of factories in the world which can produce that one engine of political and economic power that leaders lust after more than anything else, labor (ie, labor being people. Control how people are produced and raised, you control their labor.)

Our cultural surround gives us so many cues, it's hard to deprogram yourself. As a male, while I no doubt don't get it as hard concerning my weight as a woman would, I do get it. What I struggle to do is to look past appearances and worry about health and personality issues instead. For the most part, it's not been a problem with me - I've had fantastic relationships with heavy and thin girls. But, again, its hard to look past the knee jerk reaction, and making a judgment over the long term based on what people do and say is harder than judging based on a 3 minute first impression. The erroneous idea seems to be that together people will make the effort to make good first impressions, and that people who don't match common media impressions of attractiveness lack the wherewithal to make themselves attractive and are therefore lazy and stupid. This is, of course, blatantly untrue.

denchi, I don't know if I should salute your ex for being straight or sock him for being horribly rude. At least the jerk is out of your life, hopefully - someone who is so self absorbed where looks is the main criterion for them isn't worth your time. I'm sure you look great!