rm | what part of blood and sodomy do you not understand?

If big words, constant cursing, elitism or my utter intolerance for poorly behaved audiences offends you, turn back now.

Patty and I have just returned (well, I'm at work and she is encamped with me) from seeing Red Bull's Edward II at the behest of many, many friends. The audience was abominable, so much so that I am shocked no one lept out of their seat (or off the stage) to strangle the complete fuckwits sitting behind us.

How, exactly, do you wind up at a production of Marlowe's Edward II and not know that it involves a great deal of blood and sodomy? Granted, the twits behind us thought it was by Shakespeare.

The play, which preserves Marlowe's language is set in a heightened, quasi-modern reality and opens with a brief sequence set outside a gay bar.

"Well, they just got right to it didn't they?" the man behind me says very loudly.

This is a small theatre, and this is not a movie. I can hear you, the fucking actors can hear you, shut the fuck up.

But the highlight, as it were, came during an absolutely pivotal and brilliantly staged execution scene involving guns pointed at the audience. Two characters get rather believeable shot in the head. The gun is pointed at the third, and the complete arsehole behind me says very loudly, "Please, God, don't miss him."

THIS IS NOT A MOVIE. WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU.

I saw the actor twitch, and then continue on, but OH MY GOD, you bastard, what gives you the right to take every single person in that room out of that moment?

Fury and wrath.

At the end, this same prick was complaining about all the TMI. It's a play. Plays don't have TMI. They have stories that you either find relevant, enjoyable or necessary or not. For the love of god it's Marlowe -- gay, athiest, spy -- WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT?

Other than that, the play was utterly exceptional -- particularly in staging and performance. I have a lot to say about it, but I have to stop seething first.