grr bad!fic

[rm]

Dear all porntastic fanfic writers in every fandom ever:

Can we never, ever refer to ejaculate as "essence" again?

Please?

Thanks!

Comments

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

I would second the call with regard to Emeril, but I've had hot makeouts/oral sex while Food Network is on, so it's already basically ruined.

The real question is whether or not Jack shouted "BAM!" when he achieved orgasm.

[rm.livejournal.com]

The "BAM!" you just heard was my head slamming into my keyboard.

This has been about the funniest thing I've ever posted thanks to the comments (but you wouldn't believe how many people have unfriended me over it).

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Uh. Do you require medical attention?

And I'm a little stunned. Unfriended? Really? That blows my mind a little bit. Huh.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Ah now. Just been laughing so hard over every comment to this thing.

Meanwhile. Yeah. I can never tell if it's fannish people who are offended or non-fannish people who really wish I wouldn't talk about cock so much.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

See, that's the thing. Either way, the people running and screaming are missing out. Here's why:

• Cock is at least amusing even if you're not into it. I mean, really. Did someone just glue those bits on? It's like someone just wandered past and went, "Right. Here's your tackle. Just stick that on right about...oh, close enough."
  
• What this needs to be is a call for submissions for use of "essence" in dialogue as an embarrassed euphemism for semen. Example: The police constable gave Ianto an uncomfortable look. "Well, you see, the coat was covered in the perpetrator's, ah, essence, as it were..."
  
• I'm sure I had a reason number three, and therefore justification for the bulleted list, but that's escaping me just now. Instead, I'll tell you that last night I ate some of my boyfriend's leftovers from Waffle House. With barbecue sauce.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Oh man. I totally woke Patty up laughing at this. It's a real toss-up as to whether the second or third bullet point killed me more.