maybe if I write this I will feel better
Oct. 8th, 2008 09:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rmWhile my coming out process was both vague and not narratively interesting, I've noted before and will surely note again that V for Vendetta (the graphic novel, thanks) played a role in it. I wrote this for Yuletide a few years ago, and if you ask me to tell you why fanfiction matters, this piece is part of that story.
I cannot believe that I sat on the couch last night watching the men vying to be president seriously (such as it is) debate whether healthcare is a right or a privilege. Leaving aside matters of capitalism and socialism, our broke ass country and our ideological fears -- doesn't everyone have a right to live? to be helped if they can be helped? Isn't it simple? At least philosophically?
So today I am angry.
I am angry that someone I've known for fifteen years is facing a medical crisis that may very well affect the rest of his life: if not in terms of health, then surely in terms of finances. Because he's uninsured.
I am angry that his partner is facing racism and insensitivity from a medical staff that doesn't seem to understand that we fight for those we love, even when they're uninsured, even when we're scared.
I am angry that I have so many friends who are also ill and uninsured and facing what seems to be a constantly combative medical system.
I am angry that my mother, who is insured, had to pay for an MRI out of pocket because her insurance company told her she'd have to wait 6 months to have another one, eventhough the suspicion of cancer was there then.
I am angry that my own very real medical condition which has ruined my teeth, given me permanent nerve damage, increased my risk of cancer and has caused me immense amounts of pain went undiagnosed for 30 years because I was merely a woman who was oversensitive in the eyes of doctor after doctor and even in the eyes of my family.
I am angry at a medical establishment that wants me to be ashamed of how I look, because of the very same disease they weren't willing to discover I had.
I am angry at doctors who tell you to lose weight before they even look at your stats.
I am angry at the medical fetishization of pregnancy and aging, that taxes our system and harms the experience of natural processes when drastic interventions are not needed.
I am angry at a drug industry that concentrates on the most lucrative therapies instead of the most needed therapies and pushes pills with significant side-effects and low efficacy for non-life threatening conditions.
I am angry that my trans friends have to be declared mentally ill and then save and save and save to afford treatment insurance deems cosmetic.
I am angry that a woman I fence with couldn't even get the shattered teeth removed from her mouth when she was in a bicycling accident, because again, just cosmetic!
I am angry (and grateful and sad) that every broke, struggling, one bit of bad luck (or less, some of them are already there) away from a system that won't help them person I know is digging deep to help the person who won the bad luck sweepstakes this week. But I don't want these lessons in the beauty of our friends or the eternally exhausting nature of triage based on convenience and money.
I am so angry.
I am angry that sitting on the couch last night watching the debate with Patty, I felt like Ruth and Valerie.
And so I am angry at the people who tell me the results of this election won't really matter, won't really change my life, won't really put me at risk, won't really be the possible end of all things.
I am angry at people who tell me to calm down, as if I am merely a hysteric. As if my friends aren't at very real risk of dying from failed policy.
The election matters, and lives do, in fact, hang in the balance.
And if you think that doesn't include yours because you are insured, healthy, financially stable, straight and not in the military, well good for fucking you.
But it's now looking like equal marriage rights will be outlawed in California. You know what that affects other than human dignity? Health insurance.
Get it?
I cannot believe that I sat on the couch last night watching the men vying to be president seriously (such as it is) debate whether healthcare is a right or a privilege. Leaving aside matters of capitalism and socialism, our broke ass country and our ideological fears -- doesn't everyone have a right to live? to be helped if they can be helped? Isn't it simple? At least philosophically?
So today I am angry.
I am angry that someone I've known for fifteen years is facing a medical crisis that may very well affect the rest of his life: if not in terms of health, then surely in terms of finances. Because he's uninsured.
I am angry that his partner is facing racism and insensitivity from a medical staff that doesn't seem to understand that we fight for those we love, even when they're uninsured, even when we're scared.
I am angry that I have so many friends who are also ill and uninsured and facing what seems to be a constantly combative medical system.
I am angry that my mother, who is insured, had to pay for an MRI out of pocket because her insurance company told her she'd have to wait 6 months to have another one, eventhough the suspicion of cancer was there then.
I am angry that my own very real medical condition which has ruined my teeth, given me permanent nerve damage, increased my risk of cancer and has caused me immense amounts of pain went undiagnosed for 30 years because I was merely a woman who was oversensitive in the eyes of doctor after doctor and even in the eyes of my family.
I am angry at a medical establishment that wants me to be ashamed of how I look, because of the very same disease they weren't willing to discover I had.
I am angry at doctors who tell you to lose weight before they even look at your stats.
I am angry at the medical fetishization of pregnancy and aging, that taxes our system and harms the experience of natural processes when drastic interventions are not needed.
I am angry at a drug industry that concentrates on the most lucrative therapies instead of the most needed therapies and pushes pills with significant side-effects and low efficacy for non-life threatening conditions.
I am angry that my trans friends have to be declared mentally ill and then save and save and save to afford treatment insurance deems cosmetic.
I am angry that a woman I fence with couldn't even get the shattered teeth removed from her mouth when she was in a bicycling accident, because again, just cosmetic!
I am angry (and grateful and sad) that every broke, struggling, one bit of bad luck (or less, some of them are already there) away from a system that won't help them person I know is digging deep to help the person who won the bad luck sweepstakes this week. But I don't want these lessons in the beauty of our friends or the eternally exhausting nature of triage based on convenience and money.
I am so angry.
I am angry that sitting on the couch last night watching the debate with Patty, I felt like Ruth and Valerie.
And so I am angry at the people who tell me the results of this election won't really matter, won't really change my life, won't really put me at risk, won't really be the possible end of all things.
I am angry at people who tell me to calm down, as if I am merely a hysteric. As if my friends aren't at very real risk of dying from failed policy.
The election matters, and lives do, in fact, hang in the balance.
And if you think that doesn't include yours because you are insured, healthy, financially stable, straight and not in the military, well good for fucking you.
But it's now looking like equal marriage rights will be outlawed in California. You know what that affects other than human dignity? Health insurance.
Get it?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 03:14 pm (UTC)The fact is, I'm not healthy, I'm not insured, and I'm not even employed-- having been laid off due to "cut-backs" in April.
But I'm also not going to allow the ineptitude of our government (no matter who is in charge) to dictate my life and happiness. I choose hope. I choose love and kindness. It is not naive to see the evil and brutality of this world, and reject it in an effort to build something else, an alternative. I look for solutions to problems that do not rely on the mercy (or lack thereof) of our governmental agencies. It is brilliant that folks are rallying for your friend, and I wish we could see more of that kind of thing-- real people taking care of real people.
I do not judge anyone for the choices that they make with their lives, and I am bothered by the fact that many folks do, and it is tragic how humans treat one another. To me, it is important that we can be happy with the choices we make, regardless of what others think about it. I don't need the government to approve my relationships, or validate them. I don't need the government to tell me how I should give birth or raise my child. I don't need the government to tell me what foods are good or not, or what kinds foods I can or cannot grow, or what I should or should not do to those things before I can eat them. I don't need the government to tell me I have to take certain medications, or shots or whether I should vaccinate my children. Heck, I don't need the government to tell me whether I can remove a closet from my house or not!!
My life, your life, is none of the government's business. Their business is building roads, making sure that no one is killing or stealing from anyone else, and to provide infrastructure. Today, they have taken great liberties with your life and mine, and it is wrong. And that's not going to change with this election. It will get worse, no matter who is elected. Liberty is not guaranteed by the constitution anymore.
So I pursue my liberty without regard to the government's dictates. I don't care what they say I can or cannot do; I will live my life without apology, and without permission and with the knowledge that who I am and what I am the government can NEVER take away from me. They may inconvenience me, they may piss me off, they may throw me in jail, take my children, take my home, kill me even, but they will never win. They will fall. A mandate from the people, a revolution, a war... History turns on a dime, and they will never ultimately win out. Unless you give up hope and let them.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 04:15 pm (UTC)I don't think this is the case. I think we should take care of people whether we know them or not. I am MORE THAN WILLING to pay some of my tax dollars to know that the old woman whose family has abandoned her will be taken care of. That the drug addict will get rehab if they seek it out. That people who could otherwise not be productive members of society become productive because we provide them with basic health insurance.
You want a more just and beautiful world? Why can't we elect a government that also believes in building a better place. Why should they be the only segment of our society we don't seek to transform? If we hold elections and our officials are held accountable, I believe they are MORE accountable to us than corporations only held accountable to their shareholders. Direct accountability is better than capitalist accountability. Why? Because we've been trying the capitalist accountability method and it clearly hasn't been working.
My more just, perfect world involves a government that cares about its people. Not a government whose only purpose is to get us into wars that bleed our economy dry.