maybe if I write this I will feel better

[rm]

While my coming out process was both vague and not narratively interesting, I've noted before and will surely note again that V for Vendetta (the graphic novel, thanks) played a role in it. I wrote this for Yuletide a few years ago, and if you ask me to tell you why fanfiction matters, this piece is part of that story.

I cannot believe that I sat on the couch last night watching the men vying to be president seriously (such as it is) debate whether healthcare is a right or a privilege. Leaving aside matters of capitalism and socialism, our broke ass country and our ideological fears -- doesn't everyone have a right to live? to be helped if they can be helped? Isn't it simple? At least philosophically?

So today I am angry.

I am angry that someone I've known for fifteen years is facing a medical crisis that may very well affect the rest of his life: if not in terms of health, then surely in terms of finances. Because he's uninsured.

I am angry that his partner is facing racism and insensitivity from a medical staff that doesn't seem to understand that we fight for those we love, even when they're uninsured, even when we're scared.

I am angry that I have so many friends who are also ill and uninsured and facing what seems to be a constantly combative medical system.

I am angry that my mother, who is insured, had to pay for an MRI out of pocket because her insurance company told her she'd have to wait 6 months to have another one, eventhough the suspicion of cancer was there then.

I am angry that my own very real medical condition which has ruined my teeth, given me permanent nerve damage, increased my risk of cancer and has caused me immense amounts of pain went undiagnosed for 30 years because I was merely a woman who was oversensitive in the eyes of doctor after doctor and even in the eyes of my family.

I am angry at a medical establishment that wants me to be ashamed of how I look, because of the very same disease they weren't willing to discover I had.

I am angry at doctors who tell you to lose weight before they even look at your stats.

I am angry at the medical fetishization of pregnancy and aging, that taxes our system and harms the experience of natural processes when drastic interventions are not needed.

I am angry at a drug industry that concentrates on the most lucrative therapies instead of the most needed therapies and pushes pills with significant side-effects and low efficacy for non-life threatening conditions.

I am angry that my trans friends have to be declared mentally ill and then save and save and save to afford treatment insurance deems cosmetic.

I am angry that a woman I fence with couldn't even get the shattered teeth removed from her mouth when she was in a bicycling accident, because again, just cosmetic!

I am angry (and grateful and sad) that every broke, struggling, one bit of bad luck (or less, some of them are already there) away from a system that won't help them person I know is digging deep to help the person who won the bad luck sweepstakes this week. But I don't want these lessons in the beauty of our friends or the eternally exhausting nature of triage based on convenience and money.

I am so angry.

I am angry that sitting on the couch last night watching the debate with Patty, I felt like Ruth and Valerie.

And so I am angry at the people who tell me the results of this election won't really matter, won't really change my life, won't really put me at risk, won't really be the possible end of all things.

I am angry at people who tell me to calm down, as if I am merely a hysteric. As if my friends aren't at very real risk of dying from failed policy.

The election matters, and lives do, in fact, hang in the balance.

And if you think that doesn't include yours because you are insured, healthy, financially stable, straight and not in the military, well good for fucking you.

But it's now looking like equal marriage rights will be outlawed in California. You know what that affects other than human dignity? Health insurance.

Get it?

Comments

[wyrdwriter.livejournal.com]

Well said! Although my experiences aren't exactly the same, I AM PIZZED over the same issues. It's all so WRONG and I am SO MAD...and I feel the politicians really don't look at these important issues, these very real problems, as anything more than campaign platforms to help them get elected. I don't want them to tell me what I want to hear, I want them to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Thank you for posting this! At least I know I am not alone in my rage.

[lorem_ipsum]

Thank you for your eloquence.

[schmidtybooger.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this. It kills me that people don't understand the crisis our country is facing in terms of health care and the impact this election will have on that.

[eac.livejournal.com]

"I am angry at people who tell me to calm down, as if I am merely a hysteric."

My traditionally very Democrat mother (who is not voting for president this year because she hates Obama) tried to dismiss my concerns about health care, equal marriage rights, ending the war and global warming couple of weeks ago. She characterized me as a hysterical Californian because I believe that these issues are the ones that will make or break the future for my daughter in this country.* She believes that the rest of the country doesn't think these things are important, and that Obama won't make a difference about them anyway.

I'm on the verge of not speaking to her because every discussion is teettering on the verge of outright screaming matches. Mostly, though, I cannot understand how she can take these positions will so little care for other people.

*I know these issues affect everyone RIGHT NOW, but I thought if I used her only grand daughter as the example it might be more effective. Not so.

[tommx.livejournal.com]

I am angry right there with you. And this election affects all of us.

Yeah, I'm healthy, straight, white, etc. You know what? I'm scared as hell both for myself and for all of those I love.

I'm so disgusted with what these fools, these tiny tiny men have done to a world that should be a fucking paradise for all who live in it.

I honestly wish I lived in a state where the race was closer and my vote would count towards tipping the balance our way. Maryland is resolutely a blue state. Even so, you better believe I'll be the first in line to vote.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm healthy, straight, white, etc. You know what? I'm scared as hell both for myself and for all of those I love.

And that's because you have the misfortune of not being naive. And I'm beyond grateful to you for it. You know?

[laurab1.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about your friend and I'm angry on your behalf. It really is so completely ridiculous that the USA doesn't have a national health service. I need a blood test at my GP's, because the bone density scan Endocrinology sent me to the orthopaedic hospital for showed a thinning. None of those things have, or will have cost me anything. Because I live in Britain.

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

Who said this election doesn't matter? Good God.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I cannot think of how to convey this to my father, who as a Vietnam veteran feels that he must vote for McCain and has not listened to a word Obama has said since he made some sort of statement that the American people didn't "owe" McCain anything. I have been unable to find the quote, and Dad couldn't remember where he'd heard it. I hate that. Yes, I know that the debt owed to veterans is incalculable. Yes, etcetera etcetera, Dad. I know you're sensitive about how truly horrible people were when you got back from Vietnam. But that was a very long time ago, and it doesn't mean we should just blindly vote for a man who has spent the entire intervening time being a complete prick, as near as I can tell.
But I have managed to make coherent arguments to my father about gay marriage and about the need for women's reproductive freedoms. So maybe I can make an argument to him. I just need to keep reading things like this, to remind me why it matters.

So thanks, it really does help.

[mobobocita.livejournal.com]

Give him this to read, it gives a pretty honest opinion that those who were with him in the POW camp had of McCain.

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/23316912/makebelieve_maverick/print

[schpahky.livejournal.com]

I live in a state that a) gave me free care when I was living below the poverty line, and b) now mandates health insurance for everyone, and I still see the horrors you describe.

Every day I am grateful to work at a place that has such good health insurance. Every single day. It is worth more to me than my salary. No one should have to hesitate to go to the ER because they are afraid of financial ruin. No one should find a relationship more alluring because the other person has health insurance (as covered in the NYT recently). But this is the climate we're in and it scares the shit out of me. Thank you for outlining the situation so clearly.

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

Yes, this.

If there's one thing that makes me even remotely regretful to have moved over here, it's the state of health coverage (and now is most certainly the time to look at universal health care: with the economy in the tube, it just makes sense to bail out the common person's right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness - because otherwise who will prop up the banks/government?). Thank heaven Obama seems to have his head screwed on straight over the (ridiculous) "right or privilege?" question.

... NYT cite what where omg.

[drfardook.livejournal.com]

I'm not entirely sure where we got the illusion that we're all going to be young and strong forever. We're never going to fall victim to happenstance or our environment or the results of our own long term choices. We're certainly never going to become frail nor loose our eyesight nor find it difficult to walk and find our world suddenly shrinking down to the size of a bedroom. That's a problem for other people.

Caring for others is just something we're going to have to take a hard look at and see where we have to make cuts. After all, its other people, possibly irresponsible people who get sick.

Who the fuck are these people?

When did "we can't" become our mantra?

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

If they keep cutting health care and I can't afford the meds that keep me from losing my sanity over all this, I seriously consider forming a gang of crazy vets and angry cripples and go assault the people who are responsible for the health care situation. I may be a cripple, but anger might fuel a few good whacks with my cane - enough to make them see what it's like.

[lavendergem.livejournal.com]

I certainly didn't mean to offend you with my last comment, and i sincerely apologize for that. Please forgive me if I came off as callous or flippant or insensitive. That was not my intent.

The fact is, I'm not healthy, I'm not insured, and I'm not even employed-- having been laid off due to "cut-backs" in April.

But I'm also not going to allow the ineptitude of our government (no matter who is in charge) to dictate my life and happiness. I choose hope. I choose love and kindness. It is not naive to see the evil and brutality of this world, and reject it in an effort to build something else, an alternative. I look for solutions to problems that do not rely on the mercy (or lack thereof) of our governmental agencies. It is brilliant that folks are rallying for your friend, and I wish we could see more of that kind of thing-- real people taking care of real people.

I do not judge anyone for the choices that they make with their lives, and I am bothered by the fact that many folks do, and it is tragic how humans treat one another. To me, it is important that we can be happy with the choices we make, regardless of what others think about it. I don't need the government to approve my relationships, or validate them. I don't need the government to tell me how I should give birth or raise my child. I don't need the government to tell me what foods are good or not, or what kinds foods I can or cannot grow, or what I should or should not do to those things before I can eat them. I don't need the government to tell me I have to take certain medications, or shots or whether I should vaccinate my children. Heck, I don't need the government to tell me whether I can remove a closet from my house or not!!

My life, your life, is none of the government's business. Their business is building roads, making sure that no one is killing or stealing from anyone else, and to provide infrastructure. Today, they have taken great liberties with your life and mine, and it is wrong. And that's not going to change with this election. It will get worse, no matter who is elected. Liberty is not guaranteed by the constitution anymore.

So I pursue my liberty without regard to the government's dictates. I don't care what they say I can or cannot do; I will live my life without apology, and without permission and with the knowledge that who I am and what I am the government can NEVER take away from me. They may inconvenience me, they may piss me off, they may throw me in jail, take my children, take my home, kill me even, but they will never win. They will fall. A mandate from the people, a revolution, a war... History turns on a dime, and they will never ultimately win out. Unless you give up hope and let them.

[newsbean.livejournal.com]

In the effort to make a more just world, why should those people who are popular and well-liked fare better than those of us who are by nature recluses? Why is her friend and more deserving of being taken care of than I am?

I don't think this is the case. I think we should take care of people whether we know them or not. I am MORE THAN WILLING to pay some of my tax dollars to know that the old woman whose family has abandoned her will be taken care of. That the drug addict will get rehab if they seek it out. That people who could otherwise not be productive members of society become productive because we provide them with basic health insurance.

You want a more just and beautiful world? Why can't we elect a government that also believes in building a better place. Why should they be the only segment of our society we don't seek to transform? If we hold elections and our officials are held accountable, I believe they are MORE accountable to us than corporations only held accountable to their shareholders. Direct accountability is better than capitalist accountability. Why? Because we've been trying the capitalist accountability method and it clearly hasn't been working.

My more just, perfect world involves a government that cares about its people. Not a government whose only purpose is to get us into wars that bleed our economy dry.

[1-mad-squirrel.livejournal.com]

Again I say, this needs to go to the New York Times.

[kenazfiction.livejournal.com]

...And even being young, white, employed, reasonably healthy *and* insured is no guarantee: After my 2 bouts with melanoma, my dermopathologist advised me that I should be very careful not to lose my coverage on my husband's currently-fairly-lenient plan. He said I should be aware that if I were ever to lose coverage and had to insure myself (i.e. not on a group policy), they could conceivably deny me coverage due to my 'pre-existing condition.' Or else I'd have to pay out the ass for "Major Risk" coverage. I'd be screwed-- I get moles biopsied every 3 months; each visit would cost me over $750 out of pocket. Of course, if I don't get the biopsies, and another melanoma develops and moves beyond Stage 0 or Stage 1, the cost to both my finances as well as my body would be far, far worse...

[newsbean.livejournal.com]

And, you wouldn't necessarily be able to buy "Major Risk" coverage. I had heart surgery, and there isn't an insurer on the planet who will sell me an individual policy. At any price.

(I'm lucky to live in a state that has a high risk pool. I can't afford to be uninsured.)

[virginia-fell.livejournal.com]

You are completely right to be angry, so I won't tell you that I hope you feel better soon. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel now. I do, however, hope that we can get some changes made so that humans will be treated with some damn dignity once by a government that so far only seems to care about citizens before they're born.

[archmage-brian.livejournal.com]

You really need to publish this, in some form.

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

I agree. :)

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

The next person who tells me that 'The U,S. is the Greatest Country in the World' is going to get web-slapped.

There's not one serious political candidate in the entire country that is left wing enough to admit that that the United States should follow the rest of the developed world in adopting Universal Public Healthcare.(In Canada, there's not one serious political candidate who is fool enough to publicly oppose it.)
I love the United States. I love its people. I just wouldn't want to live in it*, and I sometimes wish that it were farther away.

For what it's worth, your country is daily in my hopes and prayers.

*If I ever move there, assume True Love. No other motivation would justify it in my mind.

[natf.livejournal.com]

I love the United States. I love its people. I just wouldn't want to live in it*, and I sometimes wish that it were farther away.

Yes. That. I did almost emigrate from the UK to the US in about 2001 - I am eternally grateful that I did not.

[sykii.livejournal.com]

doesn't everyone have a right to live?

Only if they haven't been born yet.

Seriously, well said.

[chaos-by-design.livejournal.com]

Heh. Yeah, seriously.

[norda.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

Great post. I hope that it strikes at least someone who wouldn't have voted.

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[sociallyawkrd.livejournal.com]

I certainly fall into the category of my life isn't in the balance and still sure as hell agree with you.

Kelly

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yup, because the message is anyone's can be, at any time. Because the current state of shit is fickle and scary.

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

I am angry for all the reasons you list above.

I am angry that I pay so much in health insurance because Draco's heart condition mandates it, but have to pay for most tests out of pocket and I still have no results but for the occasional shrugged shoulder.

I am angry that I can't have this piece of metal taken out of my side because it too is deemed cosmetic.

I am angry that we live in this rich nation, the land of freedom, and I cannot marry the one I love, not in the federal sense.

I could go on ...

[sociallyawkrd.livejournal.com]

I think the obvious thing is we are all getting a little less free here every day. As I like to remind those around me freedom means a lot more than just getting to carry your gun all the time. It makes me sad as much as angry.

[marcmagus]

Interesting. I thought that was one of the most interesting questions posed in the debates, and the responses were actually somewhat telling.

I'll note that the question was right, privilege, or responsibility. If anybody had said privilege, they would have pretty much shown themselves a cold and unfeeling with no care for the suffering of others (nobody did).

The right vs. responsibility issue is an interesting discussion which drives directly to the heart of the health care debate, and the fact that we as a nation are so conflicted about it is pretty much exactly why our health-care "system" is such an abomination; in trying to satisfy both sides, we have something that just plain doesn't work.

The answer is non-obvious (in the general sense) because it is *not* a right in any of the usual phiilosophical senses of the term. It's certainly not a "natural right". It is, however, extremely desirable that all people have access to a reasonable standard of health care regardless of their means. There isn't much agreement as to what constitutes an acceptable and effective means to achieve such ends, and of course it ties into the ongoing debate as to the relative efficiencies of government bureaucracy and corporate bureaucracy.

"Right" says anybody in America should be able to demand health care (whatever standard is meant) and get it, presumably at cost to the taxpayers. "Responsibility" says, because it's apalling that there are people in our wealthy country who can't even get basic health care, it's the responsibility of those who have enough to make sure that those who don't can get this basic need met. It's non-specific whether this should be via taxes or voluntary contributions or what, though it's likely to more suggest the latter.

I think most of the real debate is between the people who believe that a large system based entirely on voluntary contributions is doomed to failure because not enough people will donate enough money/time/energy to see it succeed, and the people who believe a system based on a large government bureaucracy is doomed to failure due to the inherent inefficiencies of such.

You are absolutely justified in being frustrated and angry with the unsystematic mess we claim as a "health care system" right now. And the results of the election *definitely* matter in this respect, although I fear both plans are too simplified and short-sighted to bring us to the goal of providing a reasonable standard of health-care for everybody in America--but which one we pick will definitely change things.

[sinonmybody.livejournal.com]

WORD. This made me cry out of my own frustration with things. Many of which are on this list. <3
Thank you.

[nekosensei.livejournal.com]

I agree with everything you say here. I volunteer for the Obama campaign on a regular basis because I am scared silly by the fact that McCain and Palin might get into office. I've gone on door-to-door canvassing trips to Wisconsin twice now. I plan to go again this weekend. I decided to do this because, if McCain does get elected, then at least I tried to do something other than sitting around and whining about Bush (like I did in 2004).

As you mentioned before, one of the many things that scare me about McCain is his health insurance plan. It doesn't seem to do anything to help those people who can't get health insurance because of pre-existing conditions. As for my case, I had a pulmonary embolism back in January. If I hadn't had insurance, I would be 30,000 in the hole right now for a week long hospital stay. I am absolutely terrified of losing my health insurance through my husband's work (which might happen if McCain implements his health insurance plan because my husband works for a small company) because, if you've had one PE, you're more likely to have another one. I won't be able to buy an individual plan. No one will touch me with a ten foot pole.