rm | the other thing that is going on

My mother called me crying earlier about my father's health. She took him to the ER the other day because he was in agonizing pain and couldn't walk. They found nothing wrong, then he felt better, now he has huge pain again mainly in his thigh but radiating to the knee and up to the hip. They say it's not sciatica. The back pain, which the doctors said was they think him passing a kidney stone is now gone, but he's bedridden and my mother is in tears and screaming at me because I don't have a diagnosis or a solution.

I'm frustrated and stressed, feel annoyed that the fact that I work and have responsibilities too isn't acknowledged, and then I'm a callous bitch when I try to get anyone to calm down, give me information and look at our options. Also, My father is 75 and has been in poor health for a long time -- at this point everything doesn't get to be an emergency. Also, doctors are not gods, and my mother needs to be more aggressive with them -- especially if her mode of operation is going to continue to be her withholding information from me, then resenting me, then giving me information and then yelling at me when I don't know how to act on it instantly.

Of course, there are other dramas here. As a daughter I am supposed to be a caretaker, but I'm not. My mother complains she's not strong enough to lift my father to help him with basic tasks. Well my dad weighs 200lbs, so neither am I. Also, one of the longest incidents of my parents berating me as a child came when I accidentally walked into my parents bedroom when my father was changing clothes. I'm sorry, I know as parents get older we deal with these things and depersonalize them, but no. I'm not signing up for their issues or my father's fear and resentment of me for being female.

I am rambling and am calmer about all this than I seem.

I do wish someone would tell me why the fuck I have two different birthdays before my parents die though.