sundries, mostly about bullying

[rm]

During Passover, the Vatican has compared the tone of the outrage currently being directed at the pope and the Catholic church over the various sexual abuse scandals to the persecution of Jews. NOT ON.

The FAA finally moves towards doing the right thing and relaxes some of its archaic rules about pilots and antidepressants. This includes an amnesty policy for pilots who are currently taking anti-depressants and lying about it for fear of losing their license.

The Pentagon has just realized that doing research on repealing DADT violates DADT.

The Superintendent of Schools where a girl hanged herself after being systemically bullied blames the victim over here on CNN. Apparently, you see, the dead girl was "a very private person." When people are insulting you at all hours of the day (at school, in the town, on your cell phone, on the Internet) and telling you that you are worthless and deserve to die and telling everyone else you're a druggie slut whore that deserves to die, you know what? You don't go for help. Because you only know one thing: it doesn't exist.

A New York Times article seems to indicate that bullying at the school is a systemic problem, and people knew about it in this particular case. Additionally, a girl who spoke up on the news about what happened to the girl who killed herself was then subsequently bullied herself; not that that was anything new either, apparently.

Meanwhile, an op-ed addresses the "Myth of Mean Girls," which is worth reading for the degree that it reminds us that there's not been a sudden increase in violence and harassment among girls due to the Internet or whatever else we're blaming this week. However, what the piece misses, to my mind, is the idea that just because the problem isn't new, doesn't mean the problem doesn't deserve attention.

I went to all all girl's school, and because of that you cannot convince me that brutality amongst women is the exception to the rule. Why would it be, when we are told at every turn that the only way to stand up is to knock someone else down and that our entire existence should be devoted to competing for scarce resources (men, beauty, love) without which we are nothing. I know all about mean girls. So is it possible the only reason I didn't kill myself as a teen is that once I was home they largely couldn't get to me and so I at least got a few hours off each day? Yeah, it's damn possible, but I also stole money out of my mother's purse each night, in case I had to run away; it wasn't like I believed one day things would get better.

Bullying, to my mind, has always been about the enforcement of supposed norms and of superficial order. Adults overlook it because it's "just one of those things" or because they went through it too or because they were bullies themselves (or still are). A certain level of bullying is even arguably convenient for disciplinarians -- let the kids keep each other in line, who cares if ti's like Lord of the Flies. I mean, let's face it, adults bully and encourage the bullying of children all the time. What we do to queer kids in this culture is just one example.

I finished the werewolf story. Apparently when given the slightest opportunity, whether I mean to or not, I write horror filtered through farce. I don't know if it's good or if it will suit, but it's in. I'm grateful.

Comments

[deza.livejournal.com]

It's nice to know I'm not the only kid who stole money to be able to get away. I regularly reported the bullying, to my parents if no one else. The only time something was done was when I came home with a dislocated elbow from a bus bully. My experience was if it didn't do physical damage, no one else gave a damn.

I'm actively working on this with my kids. I try to give them the sense of self-esteem that is the first defense against bullies. I talk to them about seeing things from the other person's point of view, both to keep them from bullying others and to help them see why other kids act out the way they do. I've let them know they can talk to me about anything, and they've seen me call teachers over incidents in the classroom. I feel like I'm walking a fine line, trying to keep them safe and keep them from becoming bullies themselves. It's a challenge.

[deza.livejournal.com]

Oh, and just to note--I tried to commit suicide several times, starting at 12. Still have the scars (cut wrists). I was just really bad at what I tried (pulling a scarf tight around my throat, not realizing I'd ease up the pressure when I passed out), or found before it worked (pulled out of the car before the carbon monoxide reached fatal levels). Having your stomach pumped (found with the empty bottle of pills) is not something I recommend.

[i-amthecosmos.livejournal.com]

I think the plastic bag over the head I tried at 12 might have worked-if I had taken some of my mom's Valiums to make me groggy first. Sitting around stone cold sober waiting to smother to death is against human nature-I ripped the bag off.