on helping people

[rm]

I've been trying to avoid this situation for a while, and it's not working.

I try to post links when people need help because I have a friendslist of 1,100 people, some of whom actually read this thing and some of whom on given days in given circumstances are willing and able to provide assistance, whether that's financial, logistical, advice, etc.

And I don't really have a system for posting those things. If I see something that seems like a problem the Internet can solve, I tend to post it, although sometimes I forget (i.e., the now more awful than it was before case of the late Steve Perry).

I can't vet everything for a scam, because, hey, I'm not a private detective. And what seems a worthy cause or a good plan to me may not seem one to you. That's cool. That's how it goes. I have the luxury of making a mistake with my $5. A lot of people don't. And a lot of people who do, don't want to. That's all chill. And way not my business.

What's not chill is stuff where I'm being insulted or told I must do something or told I must do something in a certain way (all of which has happened lately mostly in private communication. What this isn't is me harshing on anyone's public, cordial skepticism. Charity doesn't work without skeptics and vetting, and those functions are important too. This is a response to both a too-much-email problem and a nastygram problem).

Whether you engage with these things or not, isn't my business. And whether I donate or not in these circumstances, isn't yours (sometimes I do, sometimes I don't). And certainly, I never, ever want to mislead anyone.

But now I'm getting not only an increase in requests, but an increase in criticism about what I both do and don't link to, and that isn't helping anyone.

Additionally, I'm keenly aware that too many such things dilutes the level of action people are willing to take, which also falls into the area of "not helping."

So here's the new rules, which quite frankly are about the same as the old rules, other than I'm going to say "no" a lot more (something which, frankly, annoys me to have to do):

1. If I've never met you in person -- whether you're the asker or asking on behalf of someone else -- please take the no graciously when I say no. And mostly, these days, I'm going to say no. (BTW, knowing me doesn't mean your thing is definitely going to get in; it just means that our conversation about it may be different if it doesn't).

2. If I've met you in person and the request is for a third party, feel free to ask and sometimes I'll say yes.

3. If it is a fandom auction or similar -- i.e., there's an exchange of something for assistance -- that I will link to no questions asked beyond it being for a reasonable cause (i.e., don't bring me political/social causes that I oppose or the auction to benefit your random vacation).

4. If we've never met and I've posted links on your behalf in the context of an ongoing issue, I may be willing to do so again. It's chill to ask.

5. My blog, my whims. Sometimes I'm gonna break my rules because something grabs me. So it goes.

And yes, I still have to do ALL THE HTML EVER to put together that awesome list of charities I had you all recommend a while back.

Any questions?

Comments

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

The fundraiser aspect of the internet is pretty amazing. I would have been so so screwed had people not helped me pay for my transmission last year.

I can see how people get addicted to asking. And I see the backlash happening. Some people get very angry when they are not helped - they feel entitled, or they feel slighted ("I'm not a famous musician or writer so no one's going to help me"). Others see how easy it can be to have people donate to a cause or a project and they take advantage of that, to the point where they're defriended because their readers feel like every other post is a request for money.

I wish people policed themselves/their requests/their needs better. I've no doubt that legitimate needs and even attempts at alternative income (as in "cyberfunded projects") aren't being posted because people are afraid of being seen in the same light as people who ask all the time. I don't doubt it because I see the discussions that end with, "Well, I'm not going to do it because people will think I'm like so-and-so, or that I don't really need it."

I like the idea of communities and organizations set up to help out a cause at a time, and when I have a steady income I'll look into participating in something like that.

I really respect your wish to help others, and your goal at being cautious in what you do choose to post. Ultimately, you don't owe anyone any signal boosting. I hope the people being less than gracious towards you come to understand that.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I would hate to see people conflating these sorts of efforts with both crowd-funding for creative/community projects as well as people asking for charity in clearly not appropriate circumstances.

I think crowd-funding is a great way to get art, especially independent film, off the ground. Kickstarter.com has a pretty awesome model, which like the fandom-auction scenario sees people get premiums for donating and a bunch of other safeguards.