PSA: Queer

[rm]

(This is an outgrowth of a comment thread I'm having with someone in their journal. If that someone is you, no worries, we're cool).

Queer (as an adjective, we will not be using the noun here) is not inherently synonymous with gay and lesbian or LGBT.¹

Many LGBT people do not like or choose to use queer and/or feel it to represent something additional or instead of gay and lesbian or LGBT.

Because queer was originally a slur and not all LGBT people like to use it,² it's generally best that straight people don't use the word unless talking about people and groups that self-identify as queer.

Queer can be considered a non-assimilationist word. Some LGBT people who are not interested in getting equal rights by proving we're just like straight people prefer the term. (This is like when I rant about how "I'm queer and you can tell and I like it that way.")

Some non-trans people who are gender non-conforming use the term or variations there of (i.e., genderqueer).

Some trans people who are additionally not straight use the term as a shorthand way of encompassing multiple identities.

Some people who would traditionally be called "bisexual" use the term to avoid the reinforcement of a binary gender dichotomy.

Some people prefer queer because it removes the separation between men and women in the LGBT community, breaks down barriers between bisexual and other orientation identities, and can be more inclusive of the T part of the LGBT (which often gets pushed aside, because oppressed groups can be crappy to each other too).

Others like it because it's only one syllable.

Additionally queer is sometimes used to encompass kink, polyamorous and other non-traditional relationship styles in a way that may or may not be related to LGBT individuals depending on the community.³

As usual, I don't speak for all LGBT or queer people, just myself and my experience of our communities. If you have questions or more to add, consider the comments a free for all. I'm particularly interested in other people's sense and connotations for the word as ongoing discussion in the original thread is revealing that they are highly varied.

---

¹ A commenter reminds me that LGBT is just not enough these days, nor is LGBTQ, which you'll also often see. The full acronym these days often includes not just LGBT, but Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual and more.
² It's also just been brought to my attention that age may be a factor in how one reacts to queer so this PSA might seem more or less peculiar to you depending on your age.
³ Please see comments for additional discussion of this as there is disagreement on this one. It is problematic for many, and I tend to agree, although the arguments for its inclusion in queer also make a lot of sense.

ETA: Please read the comments. This is such an awesome display of diverse identities, respectful discussion about fraught issues and random people making friends I can't quite get over it. I am loving the LJ today.

Comments

[sevendayloan.livejournal.com]

I id as bisexual rather than queer, but I couldn't put my finger on why. I considered switching terms to try to avoid some of the more unfortunate associations and stereotypes that come with bisexuality, but somehow it felt uncomfortable and ill-fitting. I don't if that means that I'm too binary, but it's a good example of how one label doesn't work for everyone. I'm not queer, I'm not pan, I'm not a lot of things. I am attracted to both men and women. And I think that that's okay.

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

I ID as bisexual as a preference too - though I use queer as a short hand in some situations, it's not a label I'm 100% at ease with. I don't necessarily feel IDing as bisexual is restrictive in terms of binaries (and I'm not even sure one can be too binary in their personal presentation/preference, that's sort of their own comfort zone). I find it best suits my mindset - and my preference is to have an ID that's in wide usage outside the queer community. I couldn't be bothered telling people I was pan or omni and having to always explain what that means (maybe that wouldn't happen, IDK, I've never tried, but I think it would - specially where I live). And, while sometimes I might not be so binary, that's not information I need to be giving to people every time I come out.

[sevendayloan.livejournal.com]

Exactly! I feel like I have enough trouble explaining that yes, bisexuality does exist and that no, I'm not going to cheat on my boyfriend, thankyouverymuch. At this point, I really can't imagine going through the rigmarole of explaining 'pan' or 'omni' unless it really suited me better. Which it doesn't, so. Bi it is! :)

[weirdquark]

And on the other side, I feel bad about not identifying as bisexual because in a way it feels like I'm just avoiding the associations and stereotypes thereof, but it also just doesn't feel right to me even though in the past I have and in the future I would be fine with dating men or women. Pansexual kind of works, but I think that pansexual implies that you find a particular gender presentation attractive regardless of the sex of the person involved, and I fall more into the "likes gender as a performance" regardless of the gender presentation of the person involved. Which is possibly not what is meant by pansexual? So, queer.

[sevendayloan.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone should feel bad about identifying as one thing over another. &hearts What you're talking about is a perfect example of why the term 'queer' works for some people! I get what you're saying about pansexuality, though. It does sort of imply a totally lack of interest.

[eredien]

Pansexual kind of works, but I think that pansexual implies that you find a particular gender presentation attractive regardless of the sex of the person involved, and I fall more into the "likes gender as a performance" regardless of the gender presentation of the person involved.

I think most of the people I know perform gender(s) on a regular basis, for fun or life, or both. I know I do.

I've switched to using "pansexual" instead of "bisexual" mostly not to reinforce the gender dichotomy, but also because I find it has a useful implication which I want. I think that using the word "pansexual" as my sexual-orientation identifier immediately gets across two things to the people hearing it: acknowledgment that there is a multiplicity of genders without strict definition of what those genders might be, and that those people are explicitly included in my sexual orientation as people I'm attracted to. I find this super-helpful, as I am most attracted to people who blur or cross gender lines. So it's helpful to have a way to imply that with the language I use in social settings.

I've never felt that "pansexual" carries an implication that you find a particular gender presentation attractive regardless of the sex of the person in question; I almost use it to signal the opposite--the less I can pin down anyone's gender presentation, the more likely it will be that I am going to be physically attracted to them, and that I do find various gender presentations more or less attractive depending on the sex of the person in question...

I feel like "queer" or "genderqueer woman" is almost a better sexual descriptor for me right now than it would be a good orientation label...

But YMMV. We should talk more sometime soon about this; it's fun!

[eredien]

I guess part of what I am trying to say is: "By saying I am pansexual, it doesn't mean that I want to fuck everybody. I will be more interested in fucking you if are able to look or act, in terms of gender, a little bit like 'everybody,' though. I will be definitely interested if you are happy to play around with that in a multiplicity of ways (such that you appear to be different genders at different times, or play with presenting as more than one gender at once, or are hard to pin down as any gender, etc.)."

[weirdquark]

I came across the definition of pansexual as being attraction to a particular gender presentation in the Allies meeting; not sure where they got it. But I found it interesting and useful, because if you're attracted to people who present in a particular gendered way, whether they're biologically male or female, and only when they present in that way, that may be different than being attracted to both men and women, or being attracted to people whose gender presentation is vague, or changing.

[weirdquark]

and that I do find various gender presentations more or less attractive depending on the sex of the person in question...

Yeah. My ex-boyfriend made a hot slutty goth chick. I'm much less interested in slutty goth chicks when they're actually women -- at least when they do 'slutty goth chick' the way he did. And guys in tuxedos are nice and all, but not as nice as women in tuxedos.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Bisexual is the word I used until I found queer and it is still the main word I use aside from "queer", "gay" and "lesbian" (yeah, I feel comfy with all those words, though none as much as queer) and over time I've found that bisexual is just something that brings on too much doubt and not very nice questioning from a lot of people, straight and not.

"Are you sure?"
"Isn't it a phase?"
All the classics, and I just don't have the energy to deal with that any more. Maybe that's a cop out, but with queer, there seems to be an assurance that I fucking mean it.

Good comment!

[sevendayloan.livejournal.com]

Doesn't seem like a cop-out to me. The question can get so freaking frustrating; sometimes I just want to bang my head against the wall. I've definitely noticed that fewer people question 'queer' the way they do 'bisexual.'

[tekalynn.livejournal.com]

I ID as bisexual because that's the term that clicked with me when I discovered it. I also use "bisexual" to reclaim it. I don't believe it's an inherently derogatory or limiting term, and I prefer it (for myself) over "pansexual".

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

I tend to hang onto "bisexual" myself, simply because to me "queer" feels like an umbrella term for someone who either doesn't fall tidily into any of the LGTBQIA (QUILTBAG, I love that!) boxes, or who falls into multiple ones, or is so wild and flamboyant that their sexuality winds up being "queer" in the sense of being "odd".

In truth, if there's such an orientation as "geeky", then I am it - I tend to like geeky people, be into geeky things and activities.