sundries

[rm]

Tonight Patty and I are dining with friends of hers, then tomorrow it's my parents, and then Wednesday it's just us and Thursday night she gets on a plane. Deep breaths. What's great about Cardiff is this time I won't have to go those two - three weeks where it's impossible to hear from her. Those are always the worst.

Right now I have two pitches out that I'm waiting to hear on. My goal for the fall, if I can manage it, is to always have three things out awaiting answer. That way, nothing looms too large and neurotically in my head, and I produce more and get stuff done. Also, if someone says no, most of these things can be retooled for other potential markets/outlets/mediums/whatevers.

Meanwhile, 'tis the season in New York. We're just off Fashion Week, now moving into the New York Film Festival and shortly into the New York Musical Theater Festival. It's the most wonderful time of the year -- that is, if you care and have the time and the cash and the clout. Me? Any year I can't get into the opening night of the NYFF always feels slightly tragic to me. I saw Akira Kurasowa's Ran with my parents the year it opened the festival, sitting up in the balcony in a hand-painted sweatshirt dress and a big clunky antique anklet on that had been my grandmother's in the old country. Kurasowa spoke and everyone below us was in black tie, and you could feel in the air that it mattered. It's one of the only times I can think of where I wasn't where I wanted to be, but it was happily close enough.

Speaking of that time of year -- it's time for the Regency Assembly in New Haven CT -- October 16 & 17th. (yes, Dragon*Con Recency people, I still owe you a post, but you should come to this!). Baring extreme social excitement, this will probably be my last public outing before I leave for my 5 weeks in Europe at the end of that month, so if you want to say hi, come to Connecticut.

Girl on a Whaleship! In 1868 a six-year-old girl went with her family on a 3-year whaling voyage and kept a journal, now scanned in and available online.

The Deseret News has been sympathizing with illegal immigrants, angering much of its conservative and devout Mormon readership.

At the polls, it's anger vs. despair and that breaks down along gender lines: men are angry, women are despairing and may stay home from voting. I could make comments. I could make a lot of comments, but they'd reinforce a lot of gender dichotomous stuff I work hard not to believe in or pay attention to when it comes to my opinion other people, so I'm just going to let it sit there, because you're all smart enough to draw your own conclusions.

Paul Krugman, meanwhile, on the rage of the rich. Btw, it's worth noting that study after study show that something like 98% of Americans, when polled, define themselves as a higher economic class than they actually are. There's some interesting lines to be drawn through my first voter rage link to this one, in light of that.

Keeping kids safe from the wrong dangers: statistically, it's irresponsible to put your kid in your car and drive them to the orthodontist; they're a lot safer if they walk there. Alone.

The German foreign minister has entered into a civil partnership. Good on him. Article linked because it notes how civil partnership in Germany conveys most of the same rights as marraige, oh, except tax benefits and the right to jointly adopt children. I'm so sick of all these "I suppose that will do" footnotes. Also can you imagine having such a high-ranking openly gay official in the US? Yeah, thought not.

So, Boardwalk Empire: Scorsese is at his best when he's working with music, and the same is true for this show so far. Much of the rest of it feels flat, and it's perhaps my own biases (and the heavily rhythmic trailers) that left me feeling this was something of a disappointment. On the other hand, Scorsese is also often at his best when working with small New York stories, so there may be hope for this, even as Atlantic City is on the fringe of New York. Certainly, it's no surprise to me that what shines the most in this show so far is the surprisingly sweet and wry face of the young Al Capone, a figure who is so far, merely a winking footnote to the audience. "Think about what this man will become!" the show cries. But I want the show to tell me a damn story. I'll be fannish if I'm fannish, and I'm happy to do the intellectual work, but the show should do its own hopefully compelling narrative work.

I've also seen a bit of discussion about the presentation of race in the series (notably, an early sequence showing a white band in black-face). Yes, it's historically accurate. But, that doesn't make it unreasonable for people to talk about how it makes them uncomfortable or whether or not showing this moment is necessary to the construction of the show. It's not appropriate to dismiss that conversation, even if you ultimately disagree with the conclusions any particular person involved in it reaches.

Last night on Angel: We watched "Number 5" and the one about Wesley's robot dad. Both episodes are problematic, and both episodes are saved by their heart and their performances.

I really, really did not know what to do with "Number 5". Is this Angel does Tarrantino? How much of this is as things happen in a supernatural reality and how much of this is as heightened (un)reality narrative bias? Is this racist? Should Whedon ever be allowed near anything that pretends to be about South American or Latin American or Hispanic cultures? Ever? Because I remember "Inca Mummy Girl" and so do you. On the other hand, it had such a small, gentle, touching ending, and I do like the idea that everyone, even the dude you think it just a punchline has an important, meaningful story and deserves your respect.

The Wesley's robot dad episode has its own set of problems. Namely, robot ninjas raining from the sky. Ninjas are a crappy shortcut in terms of narrative and racial presentation (faceless Asian horde, seriously?). On the other hand, the performances knock this out of the park -- we see the awkward Wesley we remember from Buffy, we see a man who is both too ruthless (Wes, just because you have nothing left to live for and would happily give up your life for the greater good, doesn't mean everyone else is on that page) and too generous (for fuck's sake, TELL FRED) to be happy, and, ultimately, we see a man who doesn't know quite what to think about his own childhood. Was his father merely cruel (not that words don't do a lot of damage) or as was referenced in an episode way back (Patty had to remind me) actually physically abusive? What makes Wesley the worse man? the desire to connect with his father or the desire to kill him? None of this works without Alexis Denisof being able to run rings around a simple script (again, ninjas? must we?).

This is also an episode that speaks, again, to so much of early Torchwood -- Wesley and Angel touching base after a night of professional disasters. Wesley, worrying about how their fearless, remote, miserable leader is doing, more than being worried about his own pain related to robot girlfrienddad. I can see watching this and shouting at the TV "what is this? Why is it here? What is the deal with these two? It makes no sense!" and I see how you get from here to Jack/Ianto "Cyberwoman" - "They Keep Killing Suzie" -- because none of that makes any sense either, it just seems to thanks to sex.

It's worth noting that if I write about pop-culture and race on here, I invariably get a lot of Hetalia ads.

Comments

[alt_universe_me.livejournal.com]

Okay, so this is off-topic for this particular post, but I just had a conversation with a friend where I mentioned that new House MD is on later, and she mentioned that she started watching Covert Affairs, and that Amber from House is on it!!! I LOVED AMBER. So, yeah, my friend says she basically watches for her, and I will probably be doing that too. AMBER!

(Sorry to be OT, but you're the only one I know of on my flist that watches this, and I had to tell someone :)

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

Walking home from school is variable. A lot depends on how far away you are from school and whether your kids have to cross a major road.

I wanted my daughter to start walking home on her own in first grade but she didn't feel comfortable with that until 3rd grade. So I'd walk up to school and fetch her on the days I didn't work. At third grade I said, "You're old enough. Do it. You'll be fine." And she was and all was well though she was really concerned at first.

Kids younger than first grade need to walk with someone older. Our local elementary school allowed older siblings to walk their younger siblings home. Packs of kids were allowed to walk home from our local school together starting at about 2nd grade, especially if there were older kids (4th or 5th graders) in the group.

For her middle school, the kids could take the public buses home and the youngest kids are 11 (6th grade). Up until this year, the students even got free rides on the public buses. Unfortunately due to budgets cuts, that service is gone.

The kidlet's dad doesn't think she's old enough to ride the buses on her own yet but I think she could. We're still negotiating that.

It's weird because I'm the country kid. I grew up in rural southeastern Virginia without public transit anywhere and I want the kidlet to learn to navigate public transit to get herself places on her own.

I didn't walk much as a kid because nothing was within walking distance. And the one time I walked home from my high school (I was 16 or 17), which was about a mile and a half from my house, I got called in to talk to the principal because it was too dangerous for me to walk home. (Admittedly, there were no sidewalks and people drove like maniacs on my road but my parents let me collect aluminum cans all the time, on my road, by myself.)

My husband, who's the suburban guy, is way more conservative than I on letting our daughter ride alone. We take her on all forms of transit, all over the place (she's ridden subways and buses in San Juan, NYC, San Francisco, San Diego, Atlanta, and DC), so it's not an aversion to transit. It's the letting her out in a wide world that isn't particularly kind to women. I'm of the learn to deal with it now, when you have someone to help explain it and he's of the shelter her a bit longer mind set.

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

But, that doesn't make it unreasonable for people to talk about how it makes them uncomfortable or whether or not showing this moment is necessary to the construction of the show. It's not appropriate to dismiss that conversation, even if you ultimately disagree with the conclusions any person particular person involved in it reaches.

Thank you.

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

Being out in the middle of no place, rural Virginia, I never spent a night alone until sometime after I hit college. The closest I came may have been a half night when I was 15 (dad was working shift work and my grandmother and sister were visiting relatives), though they could've arranged things so that was the daylights and 4pm-midnight shift section, so that dad was home by 12:30 am.

I don't tell her about cracking her head open or putting her eye out. She does thought have to sit in the backseat and there will be negotiations when she gets to be old enough to drive. (I do not think 16 year olds have enough life experience to drive in the metro DC area.)

My mother was killed in a carwreck and my sister gravely injured. I know how dangerous cars are and when the kidlet asks to sit in the front seat I say point blank, "No. It's too dangerous. I'm not risking what happened to your auntie happening to you."

[alt_universe_me.livejournal.com]

True, I think the playgrounds usually are designed for smaller kids. My son is three and is big enough for most playground equipment. I don't honestly know what I'll do when he's older--if he's not with me, then he's with another family member, he's never unsupervised. Of course, the maturity levels between 3 and 4.5 are huge, so who knows? I think it depends on the maturity level of the individual child--I'll just have to wait and see when my son is ready to play by himself without constant supervision.

[browneyedgirl65.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this fascinates me. I pretty much grew up outside too (born in 1965 for a point of reference). I'd get home, grab my bike and ride around the neighborhood for a few hours until dinner time. (Never mind the fact that I walked approximately two miles or so to school every day with my younger sister.) I'd stop by random houses and talk with people -- there was a guy who was usually working on his car in the garage that I'd talk with, that kind of thing. I remember my friend and I making "perfume" and going door to door selling it, and so on.

I never see kids outside unattended anymore. At best I'll see a kid not quite old enough to drive walk to the bus stop (and that's only since moving to the city). It doesn't seem right, kids normally want to explore their environment, I'd think.

Between that and the huge rise in processed foods and soft drinks, it's no surprise to me that we as a nation are increasingly more sedentary & heavier. I don't know if attitudes will change yet again or not. Maybe once everyone's injected with a permanent GPS tag and can't not be found, we'll stop hovering? (1/2 snark there)

[browneyedgirl65.livejournal.com]

I remember fearing for my life as a pedestrian in parts of Boston ;)

[elusis.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much exactly it. The study I'm thinking of showed that the majority of Americans think they will, at some point, be in the top (10%?) of wage-earners. So when they interview a Walmart cashier about tax money going for social services (services which that cashier may well qualify for thanks to the ridiculously low wage sie is getting paid, a wage which may well mean that the cashier does not actually pay income tax at all), the cashier is likely to talk about how the government shouldn't be taking "my money" to give to "those people." Of course, there's also heavy racial code going on here too.

Thanks, Ronald Reagan!

[elusis.livejournal.com]

The writer's commentary on ep. 12 of "Six Feet Under" is all this self-conscious but very revealing commentary from Jill Soloway about how she's constantly screwing things up in dealing with the Latin@ characters on the show - putting Mexican stuff in the Puerto Rican characters' mouths, inserting bits of Spanish that just exasperate the actors, etc. On the one hand, I was incredibly aggravated with her (not least for how she insults the viewer at least three times for "having no life" if they're watching the commentary, but mostly for her "well I just can't help screwing it up because I'm so white" attitude). But on the other hand, it was pretty refreshing to hear an author talk frankly about making cultural mistakes, making the effort to do cultural research to get things right and still getting caught out, and acknowledging that the problem is her lack of knowledge, not POC's "sensitivities" or some other de-rail.

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

I lucked out and the playground was really close. If I hadn't have been able to see it from all of the windows in the kitchen, and been able to talk to her whilst she was playing there, from the back deck without shouting, I wouldn't have let her go by herself.

Maturity levels fluctuate and kids mature at different rates. Adults knowing this and keeping it in mind is half the problem. Too many adults want a one size fits all kids set of rules, and when you add in really bad parenting choices (adults letting a 6 year old take care of a three year old whilst they're at work) you get really strict rules that disallow a 10 year staying at home with an 8 year old whilst mom runs to the store 1/2 mi. away for milk and pizza. Or over concerned people in the grocery store parking lot commenting on the fact that you've left your kids in the car whilst you pushed the cart to the corral.

[alt_universe_me.livejournal.com]

Exactly, there is no one-size-fits-all for kids. People keep asking me when I'll start my son for kindergarten, if I'll keep him back or not because he's a September baby. It's like they want me to decide right now, when I can't possibly imagine what he'll be ready for in 2 years. I do my best to do what is right for my son individually at the time, not what is 'the correct way' for a 'typical three-year-old.'

[malle-babbe.livejournal.com]

Or at least derived from "Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy" as riffed on MST3K back in the day...

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

See, what I recall from the Obama campaign was "households over $200k" as a baseline for higher taxes, not counting the expiration of the Bush tax cuts.

With retirement + a second career + a second earner in a household, it's not hard to hit $150k. The Clinton-era tax bracket for this group was slightly higher and we're just reverting to that level, so the sky is not falling.

However, I'm not certain it's wise to raise taxes for households making under $200 with the economy where it is, however. People have also lost house value, and are reluctant to spend as they normally would on things like new kitchen cabinets, and it's KILLING retail. The little store where I bought my kitchen tile is out of business. I make 5% less than I did two years ago but I don't want to spend money on things like this to improve my house anymore, because I don't know that my job is secure and my house is worth less than I paid for it now, so screw it.

As for kid safety, I think the problem is that hardly anybody lets their kids walk anywhere or do anything unsupervised now, so there are fewer kids out there, creating the illusion that it's weird and unsafe to do this (and maybe it's safer when there are hordes of kids walking to school, anyway, because there you all are, walking within plain view of each other, rather than being the sole kid by herself).

I do live in the burbs and I don't even see kids in their BACKYARDS. They're all at planned activities or playing games on the wii, I guess. I don't know.

[sevendayloan.livejournal.com]

I never watched Numero Cinco because I just had a feeling that it would make me feel super uncomfortable and just generally be a shitty episode, but the way you're describing it makes me want to give it a try. I could use some tv with a bit of heart right now, even if the execution leaves something to be desired.

I actually really love the ROBOT NINJA episode, just because I think the emotion in the acting is stellar. My relationship with my parents never came anywhere near abusive, but I can absolutely relate to that desperation to please and Alexis just nails it for me.

[sevendayloan.livejournal.com]

Oh, these are brilliant. Thanks for posting. :D

[elisi]

My pleasure. I've been eagerly awaiting the time when I could post these links! :)

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

The summer I turned 11 was when I was allowed to go to the park by myself. I got into super heaps of trouble once because I'd been playing with this group of boys and they'd peer-pressured me into trying to jump off this really high thing in the park. I was just about to climb up it when my mom came by the park walking the dog and caught me. So that put the kibosh on that for a while.

But, 6th grade (a couple months after the above incident) was when I was allowed to start taking the bus home by myself. In 8th grade I was allowed to take the bus to school, but I was, under no circumstances, allowed to take the subway to school. Until the following year. (I started taking the subway on the weekends, though. Often I would take the bus anyway because I knew the routes better.)

I felt very restricted in my freedom as a tween and teen, but mostly out of comparison with my older brother. The problem there was that he had lots of friends in nearby neighborhoods, I did not. So where my brother's friends were a short walk or bus ride away, my friends pretty much required the subway, or at least two buses. So it was a weird combo of accessibility and supply. I'm sure there was also some sexism involved, as it's a lot easier to worry about a 5' tall teenage girl than it is to worry about a 6'2 teenage boy.

I was, however, allowed to go to Boston the summer before my senior year of high school. I was accepted at the Berklee College of Music songwriting and guitar sessions, a week a piece. There was no supervision to speak of, and I definitely got up to shenanigans that my parents wouldn't have appreciated, but probably expected. My mother's sole request of me was, "Don't ever go to someone's house." Which, honestly, is pretty good advice for any seventeen-year-old going to another city.

[graene.livejournal.com]

I've yet to read that article due to kids waking from nap, but on the whole I do think our society is inappropriately paranoid about kids. They are so accustomed to always, always being with an adult that when neighbor's kid was let off at the wrong bus stop - it's own not-knowing your neighborhood issue - she didn't know who or how to ask for help about being lost. Fortunately, mom had marked her bag with name, address and phone number. OTOH, we did get a notice from local police within the last month about a guy seen three times in a nearby neighborhood trying to entice tween girls into his van, so I know moms are going to be better about meeting the school bus for at least the next several months and you can't really argue that.

[mercurybard.livejournal.com]

I'm currently in Luxembourg, and one of my coworkers (who lives in France) was talking about how in the week before school started, he took his kids (6 and 8, I think) and practiced riding the bus to school because this year they were both going to have to take the public bus by themselves every morning.

Cue me blinking for a moment while I tried to process that. (I'm from Houston which fails at public transportation and grew up in rural Michigan where it was nonexistent)

[myrrhmade.livejournal.com]

I really responded to Empire. I think the culmination of gorgeous cinematography + costumes + music/mood made me swoon. Although it reminded me a bit of Spartacus inthat I imagine the first few episodes will be more perfunctory than the rest of the series once it gets going. Also, I about spit out my wine when he said his name was Al Capone. =]

[mercurybard.livejournal.com]

I recall having a conversation about kids not playing outside anymore when I was in my late teens with a friend whose younger half-brother didn't play outside and was getting overweight. Both of us spent most of our childhood and adolescence out of doors.

Mind, I lived in a rural area and our yard was HUGE and in the middle of nowhere, so the chance of us being hit by a car or snatched off the street was minimal. Still, we had boundary rules (do not go past the second tree on one side of the house or the garbage cans on the other--there was a deep ravine with a sudden drop-off behind the house), but we also walked a quarter mile to the bus stop to wait with the other kids starting in kindergarten. And since we were on the farm route, it might be a good half hour before the bus came.

When we moved to the Houston suburbs, suddenly there were a couple dozen kids on the street and pick up games of roller hockey almost every day after school. When we out grew that, I used to walk by myself to the neighborhood park to sit on the swings and think (I was a strange, melancholy child due to undiagnosed chronic depression).

I don't have children of my own yet (though I am thinking seriously about adoption), so I don't know what'll go through my head when it's my kid. Though, honestly, I'll probably end up being labeled a 'bad parent' for letting my kid be too Free Range.

[graene.livejournal.com]

more or less in response to this whole thread: we definitely are more protective/worried about the kids these days. Mine are both under five and the nearest park is across a major road. The rule is that they have to have an adult with them outside now and probably for a few more years, in large part because that's the way all the other moms on this quiet cul-de-sac articulated it when I moved in and only one has a child younger than my eldest. It's also that we found a baby copperhead in our driveway the first spring in this house. However, I will run in and out of the house, unloading groceries or visiting the bathroom with the 4 1/2 year old outside alone or with the toddler.

I can remember my mom being furious she had to pay for the schoolbus until I was in third grade and then railroading the principal on my younger siblings being allowed to walk home with me as soon as I was. I'm not sure I felt ready to walk home when I was younger than that, but then all the older neighbors took the bus at that point too. My siblings, otoh, never waited for me to 'pick them up' from their teacher, so I was always getting in trouble about that, but they felt just fine walking home on their own (~1.5miles).

I watch other kids at the playground and try to guess ages for when it'll be ok to let mine go alone. As far as the grocery store thing, it's nice around here in that if I notice or am noticed leaving kids in car while returning cart, the observer just tends to stand at their car and watch until mom is back, nod with a smile and continue on.

As far as being alone, I'm pretty sure that was legally defined where I grew up (chicago 'burbs), but that many people also ignored that. I know there were scandals about liquor cabinets being broken into during jr high, as the HS 'babysitters' were only to happy to join the party.

public transit was a default way of getting to and from school and in HS of visiting friends in the city proper.

As it is, I'm thought weird because my kids are ready for and asking their friends about sleepovers. Though the whole spending one night a week at the grandparents for years now when I taught in the evenings is undeniably a factor there.

Neighborhood girl I mentioned in other comment will probably try to transfer to same school we're trying to get ours into so we can share meet the bus duties/carpooling/etc until theirs is old enough to walk the neighborhood crew home.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Are you open to a discussion about how to make your daughter a safer driver, eventually? I don't know you except through rm's journal, so I don't want to intrude.

(I'm sorry for your family's loss.)

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

People are weird about public transportation risks in general, and being a lifetime non-driver (who did not grow up in a big city!), I find it unfathomable.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

First, I have to note that I am really uncomfortable with the "we don't let kids run around any more and that's why they're getting FAT!" comments above. Speaking as, well, a fat girl who walks everywhere and played outside a lot, thanks.

Second, I have to note that I'm kind of peeved at the Free Range Kids gal being treated as a statistical expert. I'd rather have the article quote someone she got her numbers from, you know?

Third, one thing that's changed as far as I can tell in terms of the subjective nature of risk assessment is neighborhoods. My parents knew their neighbors, more or less, even when they were transient student rentals. My parents now live about ten blocks away from where I grew up, but they don't seem to know their neighbors as well.

I'm not particularly qualified to say much more, because I grew up in dense college-town suburbia and now live and parent in an urban setting, so it's hard for me to tell what's changed across-the-board in terms of community organization (both spatial and interpersonal) and what hasn't.

I'd feel uncomfortable letting my kids run around my neighborhood without supervision not because of kidnapping fears, but because of traffic--the same reason, more or less, that I have indoor cats. Our yard has a water feature that can't be fenced off, so no running around the back yard unsupervised either. We don't have a front yard. So we go on a lot of walks and we drive or take public transit to parks a lot.

There has definitely been a change in parenting expectations, too. You're expected to have a much higher level of engagement, especially with younger children, than I remember being true during my childhood. This is the aspect that I find most creepily intrusive. Independent play, and lots of it, was crucial to me. I was definitely not neglected by my mother sitting by a tree reading her book while I ran around.