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rmSomewhere, out there is the guy looking just for you. This is not the opening to a tale of true romance, or even false romance. This is just one of the basic facts of being a dominatrix: everyone needs a speciality, and, whether they like it or not, everyone has one. It can be a particularly particular world.
Being a dominatrix is a little bit like being an actress. It's not just the wigs and the funny clothes; it's also thinking you have to be tall, thin, and busty to get work; and it's definitely the thing where you have to be happy to see someone even when you're totally not.
The percent of the time a domme gets a gig over another domme because she's prettier? Probably about 10%. What's really driving it? Whether she's wear leather, latex, or lace and what the client is into. For one, a dude doesn't want to pay for you to strangle him (non-euphemistically and not to death) if you don't know what you're doing. For two, if a dude wants someone to control him, he doesn't want to pay to teach someone how to be in control of him, Defeats the scenario a bit, yeah?
But that stuff? Just the basics. The basics aren't that interesting, and you could probably figure them out on your own.
More interesting? The guy who wants long red nails, and they better be real because he can spot fakes at 10 feet, and they just don't feel the same. The foot guy who doesn't want smelly pretty feet, but wants the dancer with the broken toes. The dude who's so turned on by women in blouses that button up the back that he brings a wardrobe (and scripts!) for the women he hires -- often "cutting" in the middle of scenes to make them rerun the dialogue. Short hair, long hair, body hair, crooked teeth, waist size, varicose veins. I could make this list longer, and much, much more surprising, but it would spoil several of my favorite gags in Dogboy & Justine so you'll just need to wait for those.
Anyway, the thing is, even knowing all this -- that sometimes a domme will get work for something she considers her worst feature (and everyone, take note: everything is a potential part of your marketing plan) -- the women who work in a house, and hang out in the lounge together waiting for clients compete not just in terms of dollars and books, but on who is most attractive. Not everyone does it, and not everyone is cruel, but it's the simple result of rejection in a world that tells you your value is in how you look.
And that world isn't the world of sex-work: it's the daylight public world we all live in together. So when the business tells a girl something that makes her ugly can make her payday? Sometimes that's liberating. Sometimes it pays the rent. Sometimes, though, it only enhances the need to find a way to say you're not the ugliest one in the room.
I never, ever want to be the person saying "all women do is cut each other down." Yes it happens, even frequently, but saying it happens all the time reinforces internalized institutional misogyny and that doesn't help anyone. On the other hand, women often don't support each other in the daylight, public world because we've subconsciously picked up the bullshit message that we are competing for supposedly scarce resources -- like men or respect.
In a house of domination, the women ARE competing for scarce resources. Assume 3 - 5 girls on a shift. Assume never more than two clients in the house at any given time and sometimes HOURS with none at all. Every women will not work every day she goes in. In most cases there is no shift pay, although extra cash can be picked up helping out the receptionist or taking phone appointments, but this generally won't do much more than buy dinner and maybe a pack of smokes.
Dogboy & Justine isn't a story I want to tell because I was a dominatrix. It's just a story I want to tell because it allows for explicit discussion of that which is usually implicit: the singularity of desire, the scarce resources problem amongst women, and the need to act to get through the day.
But, I'd also be lying if I didn't admit that having done the work is what allows me to be a part of telling it. That's complex. It both provides credibility (Girl knows what she's talking about) and diminishes it (Didn't you hear she's just a whore?).
It's not a secret I plan, or intend, to keep. I will never deny it. And once a week, I'm going to discuss it openly here. But if you notice me eliding over it the rest of the time, talking about other reasons for why this narrative and why this project, don't take it as a disavowal. Just remember that I come from a particularly particular world, and it's a place where everybody's got to act.
[ If you enjoyed this post, please consider contributing to Dogboy & Justine's fundraising drive on Kickstart.com. We need to receive at least $6,000 in pledges by December 21st in order to receive funding. As of this writing, we're 36% of the way there. Without you, the audience -- whether that's here or in our future theater -- there is no show. You can help by contributing money, boosting the signal, or just hanging out here and joining the conversation. Thanks for reading! ]
Being a dominatrix is a little bit like being an actress. It's not just the wigs and the funny clothes; it's also thinking you have to be tall, thin, and busty to get work; and it's definitely the thing where you have to be happy to see someone even when you're totally not.
The percent of the time a domme gets a gig over another domme because she's prettier? Probably about 10%. What's really driving it? Whether she's wear leather, latex, or lace and what the client is into. For one, a dude doesn't want to pay for you to strangle him (non-euphemistically and not to death) if you don't know what you're doing. For two, if a dude wants someone to control him, he doesn't want to pay to teach someone how to be in control of him, Defeats the scenario a bit, yeah?
But that stuff? Just the basics. The basics aren't that interesting, and you could probably figure them out on your own.
More interesting? The guy who wants long red nails, and they better be real because he can spot fakes at 10 feet, and they just don't feel the same. The foot guy who doesn't want smelly pretty feet, but wants the dancer with the broken toes. The dude who's so turned on by women in blouses that button up the back that he brings a wardrobe (and scripts!) for the women he hires -- often "cutting" in the middle of scenes to make them rerun the dialogue. Short hair, long hair, body hair, crooked teeth, waist size, varicose veins. I could make this list longer, and much, much more surprising, but it would spoil several of my favorite gags in Dogboy & Justine so you'll just need to wait for those.
Anyway, the thing is, even knowing all this -- that sometimes a domme will get work for something she considers her worst feature (and everyone, take note: everything is a potential part of your marketing plan) -- the women who work in a house, and hang out in the lounge together waiting for clients compete not just in terms of dollars and books, but on who is most attractive. Not everyone does it, and not everyone is cruel, but it's the simple result of rejection in a world that tells you your value is in how you look.
And that world isn't the world of sex-work: it's the daylight public world we all live in together. So when the business tells a girl something that makes her ugly can make her payday? Sometimes that's liberating. Sometimes it pays the rent. Sometimes, though, it only enhances the need to find a way to say you're not the ugliest one in the room.
I never, ever want to be the person saying "all women do is cut each other down." Yes it happens, even frequently, but saying it happens all the time reinforces internalized institutional misogyny and that doesn't help anyone. On the other hand, women often don't support each other in the daylight, public world because we've subconsciously picked up the bullshit message that we are competing for supposedly scarce resources -- like men or respect.
In a house of domination, the women ARE competing for scarce resources. Assume 3 - 5 girls on a shift. Assume never more than two clients in the house at any given time and sometimes HOURS with none at all. Every women will not work every day she goes in. In most cases there is no shift pay, although extra cash can be picked up helping out the receptionist or taking phone appointments, but this generally won't do much more than buy dinner and maybe a pack of smokes.
Dogboy & Justine isn't a story I want to tell because I was a dominatrix. It's just a story I want to tell because it allows for explicit discussion of that which is usually implicit: the singularity of desire, the scarce resources problem amongst women, and the need to act to get through the day.
But, I'd also be lying if I didn't admit that having done the work is what allows me to be a part of telling it. That's complex. It both provides credibility (Girl knows what she's talking about) and diminishes it (Didn't you hear she's just a whore?).
It's not a secret I plan, or intend, to keep. I will never deny it. And once a week, I'm going to discuss it openly here. But if you notice me eliding over it the rest of the time, talking about other reasons for why this narrative and why this project, don't take it as a disavowal. Just remember that I come from a particularly particular world, and it's a place where everybody's got to act.
[ If you enjoyed this post, please consider contributing to Dogboy & Justine's fundraising drive on Kickstart.com. We need to receive at least $6,000 in pledges by December 21st in order to receive funding. As of this writing, we're 36% of the way there. Without you, the audience -- whether that's here or in our future theater -- there is no show. You can help by contributing money, boosting the signal, or just hanging out here and joining the conversation. Thanks for reading! ]
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no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 11:40 pm (UTC)I copyedited this book, and found it fascinating. Not something I want to emulate--just not my thing--but fascinating.
http://www.iupress.indiana.edu/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=656228
no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 11:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 12:48 am (UTC)I went to an all-women's college in Oakland, Calif. my freshman year. It was...eye-opening...and not I suspect in ways that I was told it would be. I learned that women have the innate ability to cut each other and make each other bleed in ways men only wish they could. I also learned that it is the Dirty Little Secret that such women carry around with them everywhere they go. It ultimately became my undoing and I reapplied elsewhere after that year.
Curiously, I transferred to another women's college, but because it was part of a cluster of colleges, where we could take classes at any of them, and students from the other colleges could take classes on our campus, it felt so much more comfortable than what I had gone through.
I find those few women who don't get filed under baffle me/bore me/terrify me are those with whom I share a bond having nothing whatsoever to do with our femininity.
Does such undercutting happen all the time? Well, no. But it is almost always denied because nobody wants to spill that secret that our own sex is far more brutal.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 01:19 am (UTC)I can't contribute money-wise, but if you'd like something shiny to auction off for funds, let me know. I can do specialty shininess, too. :)
no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 02:29 am (UTC)I learned a lot about the trade, and I'd never considerit whoredom. There's a real art to it.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 03:06 am (UTC)You have just convinced me to donate to your play.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 03:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 06:17 am (UTC)Thanks for sharing your words, as usual.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 06:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 06:14 pm (UTC)Congratulations on your success.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 07:27 pm (UTC)I'm looking forward to hearing what you talk about. Your LJ always, always feels like a story about a person having an experience. Does that sound simplistic, like I've just defined narrative? I don't mean it to be. That "a person" element is frequently lacking, in my view.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-28 10:44 pm (UTC)DON'T FORGET TO VOTE! (Linketies)
Date: 2010-10-31 03:29 am (UTC)