sundries

[rm]

It's trying to decide if it's snowing or raining. I dropped Patty off in Zurich earlier so she could do more shopping, and I had to go back to work, so -- sadface -- but we'll be together again on Friday! She should be at the airport to get back to the UK now.

This visit was SO GOOD and SO NEEDED. Last night, I spent many, many hours booking our UK stuff. This is the plan, because you care:

- I arrive in Cardiff on Friday evening, and she'll pick me up at the station (oh, hey, does anyone know how much a cab is between LCY and Paddington?)

- On Sunday we check into the St. Davids and do absolutely nothing for 24 hours.

- On Monday we check out of the St. Davids and then take a train to Hereford and the bus from there to Hay-on-Wye where we spend the night at The Swan.

- Tuesday we come back to Cardiff.

- Thursday, I cook Thanksgiving dinner for whoever is around.

- Sunday, we go down to London and stay at a ridiculous hotel. We also go to our favorite restaurant in Brick Lane and wander around Camdem.

- Monday we do something until about 2 or 3 when we have to head to Paddington, where she catches a train back to Cardiff, and I catch a train to Heathrow for my 8pm flight.

Needless to say, I spent A LOT of money on rail tickets last night.

Anyone have any opinion on taxis from LCY to Paddington around 1pm on a Friday? Cost and time? My bags are really heavy and I don't really want to use the tube for the trip, but if it's going to be a total clusterfuck to be above ground, I will.

One of the 6 variables that needed to be resolved for me to visit Patty for a week in India when that trip happens got resolved yesterday. There are, however, 5 other variables that remain unanswered, so we just don't know anything yet. If not this time, some time, but the possibility feels particularly portentious now, if complicated.

Random crap I need to get done: the TEDWomen contest thing; my DragonCon 2011 app.

This may make me a bad person, but South Park is about eleventy billion times funnier in German. This is less true of Family Guy and The Simpsons.

Thank you so much for the D&J support yesterday. We still have a lot of work both as artists and fundraisers to do, but it helped us start breathing again!

The engagement of Prince William has been announced. When Prince Charles married Diana, I was eight, and my best friend Elyse got up super early so she could watch it all on TV. It was a very, very big deal. It seems strange that next year we'll be watching something of some sort like that again.

Internet rage over new TSA policies are absolutely, positively making the news.

Fred Goldhaber was once the only teacher at the Harvey Milk School. He passed away on Monday.

The age at which people generally come out has gone from 37 to 17 in just two generations. When I tell you the world was different when I was 17, even in NYC, I really, really mean it.

Comments

[floranna.livejournal.com]

The TSA link is the same as the prince WIlliam link. ^^

[rm.livejournal.com]

Fixed.

[fmanalyst.livejournal.com]

I was one of those who got up early to watch the Charles and Diana wedding. I was still believing in fairy tales at that point.

I was 17 in 1980. Such a different world. I see that every time I look in the faces of my college students.

[fleur.livejournal.com]

I remember my Mom getting me up to watch the royal wedding in the middle of the night. Sitting in the living room in pajamas. I seem to remember one of her friends being there, too, also in her pajamas. I'm totally going to get up and watch this is real time just to do it!

[guruwench.livejournal.com]

I was in Manitoba visiting relatives when Prince Charles and Lady Diana were married; I remember getting up obscenely early to watch the wedding too. I was 11 at the time.

I'm hoping that the future plays out better for William and Kate than it did for his parents.

[yarram.livejournal.com]

I do wonder about sampling bias in that survey about coming out - you're naturally going to get greater variability in ages for sixty-year-olds than for people in their twenties. I'd want to see some data on standard deviations for each age group before deciding that the difference was really not just about people getting older and realizing "hey, this is who I am"...

[tree00faery.livejournal.com]

Stat class has made me want to take every survey I find and poke it with a stick.

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

I remember my mom getting up early to watch the Royal Wedding. She may have even taped it.

I wait with bated breath to see where this TSA thing goes.

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

I wait with bated breath to see where this TSA thing goes.

Likewise. Looks as though Thanksgiving weekend - when a lot of people who don't ordinary fly will - is going to be the real reckoning. Granted, there will probably be a lot of people who will not see a WBI scanner on their travels, and others to whom it'll be no more than a walkthrough metal-detector turned up to 11, but now that the word's out, particularly in the business media... developing, as the Drudge Report saith.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

I just booked tickets to go see my parents pre-Christmas. I plan to decline the scanner with a polite "no thank you" and report on any pat-down experiences to the ACLU.

Having been harassed and humiliated by the TSA for wearing a garter belt with metal clips through the regular detector back in 2002, I'll have my game face on.

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

My mother made us go to my aunt's house to watch the wedding live and then we had a champagne breakfast. She was a little excited. :D

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

Cluelessness is still absolutely, positively alive as well, going by the first sentence of the NYTimes article: "WHO knows how these things gain momentum on the Internet..."

...Who knows, indeed. It's almost as if it is very easy to, what's the word, link to one page from another and that way direct many people to read what you just read, and it's also almost as if the link tree can grow geometrically. It's almost as if these things have been happening since 1994, too. Who knows.

[newsbean.livejournal.com]

The age at which people generally come out has gone from 37 to 17 in just two generations. When I tell you the world was different when I was 17, even in NYC, I really, really mean it.

This is what I needed to get back on track today. Thank you.

[xtricks.livejournal.com]

I have to say that the idea of coming out as a teen-ager or older child still boggles my mind. It was only those kids who were unfortunate enough to be unable to hide their (presumed, because many straight kids suffered the 'faggot' lable too) sexuality who 'came out' or were forced out, in school/life. Where my partner lived as an adolescent, it was still common and accepted behavior for boys whose parents caught them in same sex realations, or unacceptable gender behavior for them to be kicked out of the house – my partner's friends ranged from the kid whose dad took him to the local marine boot camp, lied about his age (he was sixteen) and signed him up for a military term to the kid who was kicked out and ended up turning tricks or the kid who got an ear pieced and the next day came home from school to find out his parents had changed all the locks on the house.

I was never kicked out but I accidentally outed myself in my jr year of high school and was totally ostracized for the rest of year. Thankfully we moved so I changed schools – nice because people talked to me again.

The generaltion shift makes it hard for me to imagine why anyone who was still in school/still under their parents' care would come out at all. The problems seem far too large to make it worthwhile.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

The generaltion shift makes it hard for me to imagine why anyone who was still in school/still under their parents' care would come out at all. The problems seem far too large to make it worthwhile.

The payoffs are pretty awesome, when they work out.

The difficulty is figuring out the cost/benefit analysis. (This was going to be the subject of my dissertation - how therapists who work with LGBTQ teens help them make the decision of whether to come out/involve family members in therapy but I lacked support and resources to do a full qualitative study.)

[xtricks.livejournal.com]

I guess that seems odd to me, I had a pretty good idea of my parents reaction well before any discussion took place.

I also, honestly, don't see much that is awesome about coming out as a teen. Your parents aren't going to love you *more* and they may love you less (or otherwise act in a way that's not positive) and there's certainly no benefit in public life for being queer - especially as a teen.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

I would respectfully say that I'm sorry your experience was one of there being no benefits, but I have worked with a lot of youth who have had different experiences. There is also a plethora of research suggesting that the opportunity to live congruently without hiding behind a mask of heterosexual dating, the chance to connect with other queer youth, and getting politically involved with queer advocacy conveys many social and mental health benefits to queer adolescents, and seems to reduce the rate of things like suicidality and substance abuse.

Obviously not every queer teen everywhere is going to have an equally positive experience but for some it's extremely positive, or a mixed bag but with overall positive trajectories. My curiosity is how to help teens calculate the odds for themselves, so family therapists can offer support to the whole family system to help them deal with negative reactions when they come up.

[xtricks.livejournal.com]

Sorry, didn't mean to come across as argumentative. It's also a reminder for me that the support networks, outside of family, are very different and somewhat more accessible than they were when I was young.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

No problem. I know when it's bad, it can be really bad.

But yes, the networks, in some places at least, have really made a difference. The Internet helps (and sometimes hurts too).

[puella-nerdii.livejournal.com]

I think it depends on where you are and who you're interacting with, honestly. I came out when I was a teenager (I'm twenty-two now), and there were bumpy patches, but I'm glad I did -- like elusis discusses above, I got the chance to connect with other queer teens (and even date a few), and my involvement in queer advocacy gave me a real sense of investment and belonging in the queer community, as well as a support network I could go to for help. I recognize that my coming-out experience is probably unusually positive in some regards, and my high school was far more queer-friendly than most, but I don't think my situation was or is entirely unique. Not everyone can come out in their teens, obviously, but there are possibilities for positive experiences, too, not just negative ones.

[eredien]

Wow, I wish you'd been able to do that dissertation. I would have loved to see hard evidence for or against, particularly because I came out after I stopped living with my parents and always wonder, statistically, if it would have been better if I'd just dealt with that fallout earlier.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

I don't think it will ever boil down to a single "do or don't" decision. Every situation is different. What I was frustrated about started with a conversation with a DSW who ran programs at the Harvey Milk School, who told me they didn't do family therapy because they didn't want to be perceived as advocating that kids come out. What a missed opportunity for some of them. I think clinicians need to have training on how to help youth look at all the variables (and really gather evidence rather than just going with a gut feeling - sometimes "Mom will cry and Dad will throw me out" is right on, and sometimes it's 180 degrees away from what happens), weigh them carefully, come to a decision, and make a safety plan in case coming out goes badly. (Or make a coping plan if the decision is to stay in the closet until they can live on their own.) Then use family therapy to help families negotiate the initial "stages of grief" that even very supportive ones often go through.

[eredien]

Definitely I agree with you when you say that there's never going to be any one-size-fits-all solution--I just would have loved to see some research, any research really, about this before I came out (went with my gut feeling, which was totally wrong). Even if I'm past that stage now I think giving people of all ages any kind of framework in which to weigh that decision can only help.

So sad re: Harvey Milk school anecdote! Of all the places to hear that...

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

When I was a teen, nobody in my school was out. (Many people I'm in touch with on Facebook are now, and there were some surprises, including someone I had a huge crush on when he was my friend in school.)

I think you and I are about the same age, and most of my contemporaries came out in their 20s or early 30s. There are several people who were married to opposite sex partners, divorced, and are now out.

Royal wedding! I'm looking forward to the live coverage. I love those huge touchstone events tons of people watch at the same time. With fancy dresses. :D

[xtricks.livejournal.com]

Pretty much, yeah, mid-twenties for me -- that time when you still have the energy of youth but aren't quite so dependent on others for health and safety.

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

I was 10 when Charles and Di got married. My mother made us get up in the middle of the night and go to my aunt's house where we watched it live and drank champagne (I was allowed like a quarter of a glass) and my mother made a breakfast that could have killed a longshoreman, complete with kippers.

[naath.livejournal.com]

Um
18-34 came out by the time they were 17.

But, er, what about the 18-34 year olds who aren't out yet... until this lot get to 60 we won't really have comparable data. Um. I like that report, but I'm not sure it's useful iyswim?

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

Good point.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

I keep waiting for the group strip-in protest at an airport or dozen. You know, people waiting in line, getting up there, refusing to go through the monitor and refusing to be sexually assaulted, but then just stripping down to the skin. "There! Can you see enough yet? How about that? And that? Hands off! Haven't you been to enough strip shows to know better?"

Wonder how many people could get naked before the riot police would be called in?

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

Haven't flown in few years but I've often wondered if it's possible to go naked.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

Considering that I was almost arrested for lifting the hem of my skirt to show my metal garter clips to avoid a "private screening" in 2002, I'm not going to say the odds are all that good now.

Now in a string bikini, maybe.

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

That would work.

I know my sister likes to wear her spandex pants and butterfly halter top when she flies. She's a natural size 4, and so she actually looks alright in it. I've got a bit of padding, so it's not something that would look good on me. But if I had to fly, I might be tempted.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

Easy on the size negativity, if you'd be so kind.

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

Not trying to be size negative, sorry. It's just that I'd need to lose about 40 pounds before I could carry off spandex pants without having "unsightly bulges." That and I tend to carry my weight in the wrong spots. (Like my boobs never gain weight, just my trunk. Sigh.)

[elusis.livejournal.com]

I...

Look I don't mean to be hard on you, but "unsightly," "wrong spots," "need to lose," and criticizing parts of your body that gain weight are... pretty much exactly when I was talking about.

I realize everyone is not on the Size Acceptance and Health At Every Size trajectory, but one of the first things I noted when I joined rm's friends list was a request she made to chill out about either fat-negativity or general body criticism, I forget which.

I don't know you at all and so I don't know what you might or might not be struggling with around your body, so apologies if this is a sore spot. I'm just hoping maybe some feedback will create more awareness, which seems in line with our host's preference but also has the benefit for me of reducing the amount of fat negativity I run across. No such thing as altruism, etc. etc.

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'd forgotten about some woman several years back (I wish I remember the year) who was told to remove her top at DFW airport. She did not appreciate having to flash everyone. (I think one point was that the top removal happened in front of all the folks waiting in line for security screening.)

[elusis.livejournal.com]

I opted to flash the terminal (does it count as "flashing" if all you show is the tops of your thighs?) rather than be taken off into a private room away from my belongings and the public eye. That was a problem for the TSA worker who tried to have me arrested but the supervisor told her to let it go.

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

They'd have to be proper Improv Everywhere-type folks who don't mind undergoing some hardship for their art, because I can imagine that the TSA *and* the airport police, even if they got the message, would be mighty annoyed at the spectacle. (The performers would have to have booked their flights in the full expectation that they wouldn't fly.)

[byzantienne.livejournal.com]

I am just noting, for the record, that I entirely blame your influence on the fact that I just, in half an hour, plotted a strategic marketing idea for a medievalist working group at my university, delegated tasks, and came up with a schedule, some copy, and a plan to make this all happen by February at the latest.

Make stuff.

It's awesome.

[hab318princess.livejournal.com]

I remember the wedding in 1981 too (I was 8)... no early getting up though, we were an hour later :D.... remember my confusion at the big break when they left to sign the register as that's not how it is done in Germany ...
11 years later my wedding service had the same break (in a much, much smaller church :D)

[austengirl.livejournal.com]

I've taken a cab from central London to City Airport; in the fog of memory, I'm going to guess it was around £35-£40 as we did hit some traffic on Embankment. Journey time was roughly 45 minutes.

Looking at the airport's website, it estimates £40 to Paddington. Traffic-wise, it's probably not too bad a time to be travelling in to London. I'd give it an hour to be on the safe side. How much time are you meant to have between landing and your train leaving?

[rm.livejournal.com]

I land at 12. I figure by the time I get my luggage it will be 1. My train is at 3:45, so that's fine. Mostly it's a matter of how much money do I want to spend/how heavy to my bags feel.

[austengirl.livejournal.com]

City Airport was certainly efficient to fly out of, hopefully the reverse is true as well.

Annoying that there's not really a direct line from City to Paddington. From experience, Bank station is massive and connecting between different lines can take awhile. I think there's been ongoing engineering work/station improvements and it looks like some elevators or escalators might be out of service. The other possible connection point to the Circle line, Tower Gateway/Tower Hill, looks like it could also be a bit of a hike. I am not a fan of the underground when I have luggage.

[marymac.livejournal.com]

LCY DLR to the Jubilee line at Canning Street, to Bakerloo line at Baker Street gives you least changes and longest on one train (and the fastest line). DLR is fully accessible, Canning Street is mostly accessible, Baker Street isn't but also has escalators that work, so it comes down to how good you are at escalators with bags.

Keep off the Circle and District, they're working on that one and it's not circular at the minute. Awkward, that.

[rm.livejournal.com]

This is AMAZINGLY useful. Thank you.

[marymac.livejournal.com]

No problem. Long acquaintance with TFL's website and delayed flights comes in handy sometimes.

Minneapolis Airport Commission

[cozzene.livejournal.com]

M.A.C. is considering dumping the TSA from the Minneapolis airport security. Apparently there are 17 other national airports that handle their own security as well. Several members sitting on the board are greatly disturbed at the inefficiency as well as the barrage of complaints from new TSA scanners/molestations.

[natf.livejournal.com]

Lets just say that, however much I would love to visit my friends in Seattle again, I am never flying in or around the US again with these TSA rules as they stand. Maybe never flying anywhere again if the UK embrace these draconian rules. Let me get this straight - I have the choice of an x-ray scan (when I already have already had many too many x-rays and other scans in recent years that are of medical necessity) or a pat-down which is an invasion of my personal space and amounts to a traumatic sexual assault to someone with PTSD? Yeah, NO. :((
*crossposting*

[dolores-crane.livejournal.com]

Hello! Sorry for random comment, but I am so tickled that I am the generation between the 37 average and the 17 average and I came out at 27...