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I thought this would cover all the fail going on as regards LGBTQ people, content and cluelessness in fandom. Then this happened.
So let's talk about supporting LGBTQ rights and what that actually means.
1. Know and think about your terminology. As![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
garlicfiend notes in comments to an earlier post, when you go on and on about portraying "LGBTQ relationships," you're not necessarily making sense. What does a trans relationship look like? What does a bisexual relationship look like? LGBTQ people and stories are phrases that are going to serve you better.
2. Consuming porn featuring LGBTQ people does not make you an activist for LGBTQ concerns. It doesn't make you not one either. It, in fact, has no bearing on whether you are an activist for LGBTQ issues, although if you feel this makes your desires queer, it can be an impetus make you an activist for LGBTQ concerns.
In fact, let's talk about all the things that do not make you an activist for LGBTQ issues, and you should stop waving in people's faces to legitimize your failure to treat LGBTQ people fairly and reasonably:
- Only being able to name Brokeback Mountain when it comes to queer issues being featured in mainstream entertainment? (here's a list off the top of my head to work with - some good, some bad, all worthy of your awareness and thinky thoughts there on - Brothers & Sisters, Torchwood, Will & Grace, America's Next Top Model, Top Chef, The Next Food Network Star, Project Runway, True Blood, Six Feet Under, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, My Beautiful Laundrette, Fingersmith, Velvet Goldmine, Far From Heaven, Bound, Ellen, Queer as Folk, The L Word, Firefly, As the World Turns, Milk, Dirty Sexy Money, Kings, Billy Elliot).
- Refusing to understand why many LGBTQ people have problems with Brokeback Mountain either in and of itself or as the theoretical main representative of our relationships in the media.
- Making any claim that the LGBTQ rights movement was started by slashers or any claim that the main straight allies of the LGBTQ community are slashers -- actually, our allies ad supports are our friends and families and people who believe in a sense of fairness, whether they think we're cute or not. And yeah, some of them are slashers too!
- Having gay friends. Awesome. Now stand up for them. Also, asredstapler reminds us, lose the construction, "my gay friend so-and-so."
- Asking one LGTBQ person to represent all LGBTQ people. It's not fair and it's dehumanizing whether you're doing it to a friend, a sibling, me, Russel T. Davies, or a fictional character. Any act that assumes we're all alike, even if it starts with a fiction, dehumanizes real people.
- Really, really identifying with a gay character in a television show, even though you're not gay yourself. It's fine, but it doesn't help me. It's not enough. It's not activism. Everyone doesn't have to be an activist, but if you want to be one, you have to do more than this.
- Attempting to enforce gender norms on other people, regardless of their sexual or gender identity. These forms of rigidity hurt everyone and paint LGBTQ people as villains. This includes policing women for "niceness" when discussing these or any issues as opposed to encouraging people of all types of engage in civil discourse.
- Telling gay people they don't understand how much you're helping them.
- Telling gay people you support them, as long as they are nice to you and do what you want.
- Throwing other people under the bus for your particular interpretation of LGBTQ rights: this includes sacrificing transfolk, PoC, women and generally being an asshole about other civil rights issues.
- Being under the delusion that same sex-relationships between women are more socially acceptable and therefore it's just the men you need to fight for (gay men and gay women do, I will admit, can get some pretty radically different varieties of crazy fail from mainstream homophobic/fetishizing culture, but don't tell me my life is easy or unimportant because it's easier for you to find two-women fucking in mainstream entertainment than it is for you to find two men. It's not.).
- "I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body/I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body" -- unless you are actually a trans or genderqueer person, please stop saying this shit. Being a tomboy is not the same as being genderqueer or trans. Saying this shit doesn't make you cool or hip and it's not a good pickup line to use on queer people of any stripe. It's also a weak and nasty way to justify being turned on by same-sex porn. OWN YOUR DESIRES. You don't need to be cute about it. You don't need an excuse. You don't need a label.
- Supporting LGBTQ issues while using supposedly humorous qualifiers, i.e., "I support gay marriage if both the men/women are hot." No, actually, you're not funny or harmless.
- Saying slur words like "faggot," "tranny" or "queer" (when used pejoratively and/or as a noun (which is generally considered pejorative by default)) because you've heard LGBTQ people reclaiming these labels for themselves and you feel that gives you the right to use these words with impunity about others. You'd be wrong.
- being unaware of of the organizations out there that address LGBTQ issues and their pros and cons -- these include Lambda Legal, HRC, PFlag and GLAAD.
- co-opting what are literally life and death issues for us to get more of what turns your on on the screen.
Now, let's talk about ways to be a good ally and supporter to LGBTQ issues:
- Listen. (julesndairyland gives us a good piece on being an ally here.)
- from_peasant: "Don't assume that the person you are talking to is heterosexual just because you don't know what their sexuality is. And nor should you require them to prove their Gay Credentials(TM) before you'll listen to them - this stuff is personal and some people like to keep it private."
-betnoir also makes a really good point in comments: "Pay attention to how a gay person introduces their spouse/partner/significant other. If Joe says, "This is my husband, Mark," try to remember that. That's how they think of themselves. The least you can do is respect it enough to use those terms."
- If you see something, say something. That is, when you see people indulging in behavior that is homphobic, that uses slurs, that is dehumaizing -- whether it's telling a gay joke, using an icon that supports gay marriage only for the hotties, claiming to support gay civil rights in one breath while being racist in the next, etc. -- CALL THEM ON THEIR SHIT. You don't need to get angry, you just need to mention what you've been offended by and why.
- Give money or donate time to LGBTQ supporting organizations. Please especially consider LGBTQ causes that are less "sexy" or "mainstream" (two appalling adjectives, unfortunately needed to make my point about the problems we face both from the outside and on the inside of the LGBTQ community in terms of our own prejudices) -- these include organizations that specifically support PoC in the queer community, transfolk, and older GBLTQ individuals (SAGE).
- When you find media with gay related content you enjoy, let us know about it, and let the network or movie studio and other creators know about it as well.
- Meanwhile,drfardook reminds us: "Be able to name some queer people who are not actors or media personalities. The media provides the highest level of visibility but its hardly the only area where gay folk have been successful. At least an artist or writer. If you try a little harder you can probably think of a politician and maybe even someone in your own profession. Also, realize why its a bit challenging to think of out people who are outside of media."
-bifemmefatale reminds us of the importance of setting a good example, especially if we're parents: "Raise your kids right, if you have them. Don't let them say "fag" on the playground. DO let them play with gender roles without freaking out about it. Don't buy every damn thing in pink princess for your daughter and everything in GI JOE or sports motifs for your son. Let your son take dance if he wants. Let your daughter take karate. Talk to them about gay friends just as you do about straight friends. Set a good example of treating all sorts of relationships equally in your social circle."
- Participate in a protest.
- Write letters and make phone calls on gay rights issues to your elected officials.
- Fight misogyny. If being a woman weren't so often seen as weak or bad, lesbians, gay men and trans people would all face a lot less bullshit.
Let's also note, that LGBTQ people are not necessarily a gigantic monolithic mass of agreement on our issues, but listening to a range of our opinions if we say you're doing it wrong is only intelligent.
If you give me more good stuff (and I know you will) in comments, I'll add it to the above. It's way too early in the morning for me to think I've actually managed to be comprehensive here.
So let's talk about supporting LGBTQ rights and what that actually means.
1. Know and think about your terminology. As
garlicfiend notes in comments to an earlier post, when you go on and on about portraying "LGBTQ relationships," you're not necessarily making sense. What does a trans relationship look like? What does a bisexual relationship look like? LGBTQ people and stories are phrases that are going to serve you better.2. Consuming porn featuring LGBTQ people does not make you an activist for LGBTQ concerns. It doesn't make you not one either. It, in fact, has no bearing on whether you are an activist for LGBTQ issues, although if you feel this makes your desires queer, it can be an impetus make you an activist for LGBTQ concerns.
In fact, let's talk about all the things that do not make you an activist for LGBTQ issues, and you should stop waving in people's faces to legitimize your failure to treat LGBTQ people fairly and reasonably:
- Only being able to name Brokeback Mountain when it comes to queer issues being featured in mainstream entertainment? (here's a list off the top of my head to work with - some good, some bad, all worthy of your awareness and thinky thoughts there on - Brothers & Sisters, Torchwood, Will & Grace, America's Next Top Model, Top Chef, The Next Food Network Star, Project Runway, True Blood, Six Feet Under, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, My Beautiful Laundrette, Fingersmith, Velvet Goldmine, Far From Heaven, Bound, Ellen, Queer as Folk, The L Word, Firefly, As the World Turns, Milk, Dirty Sexy Money, Kings, Billy Elliot).
- Refusing to understand why many LGBTQ people have problems with Brokeback Mountain either in and of itself or as the theoretical main representative of our relationships in the media.
- Making any claim that the LGBTQ rights movement was started by slashers or any claim that the main straight allies of the LGBTQ community are slashers -- actually, our allies ad supports are our friends and families and people who believe in a sense of fairness, whether they think we're cute or not. And yeah, some of them are slashers too!
- Having gay friends. Awesome. Now stand up for them. Also, as
redstapler reminds us, lose the construction, "my gay friend so-and-so."- Asking one LGTBQ person to represent all LGBTQ people. It's not fair and it's dehumanizing whether you're doing it to a friend, a sibling, me, Russel T. Davies, or a fictional character. Any act that assumes we're all alike, even if it starts with a fiction, dehumanizes real people.
- Really, really identifying with a gay character in a television show, even though you're not gay yourself. It's fine, but it doesn't help me. It's not enough. It's not activism. Everyone doesn't have to be an activist, but if you want to be one, you have to do more than this.
- Attempting to enforce gender norms on other people, regardless of their sexual or gender identity. These forms of rigidity hurt everyone and paint LGBTQ people as villains. This includes policing women for "niceness" when discussing these or any issues as opposed to encouraging people of all types of engage in civil discourse.
- Telling gay people they don't understand how much you're helping them.
- Telling gay people you support them, as long as they are nice to you and do what you want.
- Throwing other people under the bus for your particular interpretation of LGBTQ rights: this includes sacrificing transfolk, PoC, women and generally being an asshole about other civil rights issues.
- Being under the delusion that same sex-relationships between women are more socially acceptable and therefore it's just the men you need to fight for (gay men and gay women do, I will admit, can get some pretty radically different varieties of crazy fail from mainstream homophobic/fetishizing culture, but don't tell me my life is easy or unimportant because it's easier for you to find two-women fucking in mainstream entertainment than it is for you to find two men. It's not.).
- "I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body/I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body" -- unless you are actually a trans or genderqueer person, please stop saying this shit. Being a tomboy is not the same as being genderqueer or trans. Saying this shit doesn't make you cool or hip and it's not a good pickup line to use on queer people of any stripe. It's also a weak and nasty way to justify being turned on by same-sex porn. OWN YOUR DESIRES. You don't need to be cute about it. You don't need an excuse. You don't need a label.
- Supporting LGBTQ issues while using supposedly humorous qualifiers, i.e., "I support gay marriage if both the men/women are hot." No, actually, you're not funny or harmless.
- Saying slur words like "faggot," "tranny" or "queer" (when used pejoratively and/or as a noun (which is generally considered pejorative by default)) because you've heard LGBTQ people reclaiming these labels for themselves and you feel that gives you the right to use these words with impunity about others. You'd be wrong.
- being unaware of of the organizations out there that address LGBTQ issues and their pros and cons -- these include Lambda Legal, HRC, PFlag and GLAAD.
- co-opting what are literally life and death issues for us to get more of what turns your on on the screen.
Now, let's talk about ways to be a good ally and supporter to LGBTQ issues:
- Listen. (
julesndairyland gives us a good piece on being an ally here.)- from
_peasant: "Don't assume that the person you are talking to is heterosexual just because you don't know what their sexuality is. And nor should you require them to prove their Gay Credentials(TM) before you'll listen to them - this stuff is personal and some people like to keep it private."-
betnoir also makes a really good point in comments: "Pay attention to how a gay person introduces their spouse/partner/significant other. If Joe says, "This is my husband, Mark," try to remember that. That's how they think of themselves. The least you can do is respect it enough to use those terms."- If you see something, say something. That is, when you see people indulging in behavior that is homphobic, that uses slurs, that is dehumaizing -- whether it's telling a gay joke, using an icon that supports gay marriage only for the hotties, claiming to support gay civil rights in one breath while being racist in the next, etc. -- CALL THEM ON THEIR SHIT. You don't need to get angry, you just need to mention what you've been offended by and why.
- Give money or donate time to LGBTQ supporting organizations. Please especially consider LGBTQ causes that are less "sexy" or "mainstream" (two appalling adjectives, unfortunately needed to make my point about the problems we face both from the outside and on the inside of the LGBTQ community in terms of our own prejudices) -- these include organizations that specifically support PoC in the queer community, transfolk, and older GBLTQ individuals (SAGE).
- When you find media with gay related content you enjoy, let us know about it, and let the network or movie studio and other creators know about it as well.
- Meanwhile,
drfardook reminds us: "Be able to name some queer people who are not actors or media personalities. The media provides the highest level of visibility but its hardly the only area where gay folk have been successful. At least an artist or writer. If you try a little harder you can probably think of a politician and maybe even someone in your own profession. Also, realize why its a bit challenging to think of out people who are outside of media."-
bifemmefatale reminds us of the importance of setting a good example, especially if we're parents: "Raise your kids right, if you have them. Don't let them say "fag" on the playground. DO let them play with gender roles without freaking out about it. Don't buy every damn thing in pink princess for your daughter and everything in GI JOE or sports motifs for your son. Let your son take dance if he wants. Let your daughter take karate. Talk to them about gay friends just as you do about straight friends. Set a good example of treating all sorts of relationships equally in your social circle."- Participate in a protest.
- Write letters and make phone calls on gay rights issues to your elected officials.
- Fight misogyny. If being a woman weren't so often seen as weak or bad, lesbians, gay men and trans people would all face a lot less bullshit.
Let's also note, that LGBTQ people are not necessarily a gigantic monolithic mass of agreement on our issues, but listening to a range of our opinions if we say you're doing it wrong is only intelligent.
If you give me more good stuff (and I know you will) in comments, I'll add it to the above. It's way too early in the morning for me to think I've actually managed to be comprehensive here.
