(no subject)

[rm]

I tend to like to reduce things to make a point and it occured to me on the subway the other day in examining the point of intersection of an odd number of my accutely varied interests, that in the spirit of this, everyone has one sentence they are waiting and yearning to hear. And in this waiting and yearning, they mistake all sorts of other things for it.

For me, it's "I want to build an empire with you" and what I've actually responded to, more than I'd ever like to admit are variants of "I want you to build an empire with me" and "I want you to help me build an empire" -- subtle differences that chaffed at me absurdly and served me not at all. This leads tangentally to something I don't care to get into today, which is that in my past I have often chosen and sought restriction because the ache of wanting was too much. Obviously, I don't exactly choose that path anymore.

Those who know the who and the how of some of my past relationships, particularly those of my early and mid-twenties, will nod and giggle. Actually, it's nod and giggle worthy regardless.

But tell me, what is the sentence you are waiting to hear? And what do you respond to quite foolishly in the process of listening too hard?

Comments

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

it is something like:

"It's all right now. You're home, and you are loved and needed and appreciated and desired and respected."

[The only time I truly heard this and understood and felt this was, strangely, in a jet-lagged seeming mental conversation with the City of New York, while I was briefly blown through JFK. Few persons who know the city are not surprised by this; the city doesn't seem to be known for kindness to strangers or new arrivals or at all. But I believed it.]

and while I may have been told this, it has not always been true; people lie, or people promise too much. Or life gets in the way. Or perhaps I am more needy and desiring and demanding and high-maintenance than they knew, or they are weaker than they knew.

And of course, even when people don't lie, my own inability to trust their words has a great deal to do with it. And I'm still really, really hazy on the entire concept of *home*, and what it is, what it means to me, and what I want from one. This makes it all the more difficult; I don't quite know what I want and need, nor can anyone else, most likely. I just wordlessly yearn for something I don't even comprehend, like staring at the night sky.

So many of the sentences I think of are ones I heard but didn't believe, because I'd been told them before and they were refuted. Perhaps "You can trust" ought to be in there somewhere. And "You can succeed".

I'm curious: how does "I want us, you and I, to build an empire together" sound to your phrase?

[rm.livejournal.com]

I'm curious: how does "I want us, you and I, to build an empire together" sound to your phrase?

This will say a great deal about my shit -- small, as if implying more metaphor than action. But [insert random hand gesture here] I am precise about language in a way utterly peculiar unto myself that makes translating my interpersonal desires and understanding those of others, rather challenging.

As to your stuff about NYC -- makes perfect sense to me. This is a place that respects the struggle, and is good to those for it.