what is going on
Aug. 11th, 2006 12:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rmMy computer died. I called, in quite callous a fashion I'm sorry to say, my computer guru and he thinks that it's fixible, if I had a system CD (I don't) and a working CD drive (I don't). I am currently typing this on a borrowed computer via dialup -- I can't even, I'm not sure why, figure out how to get it hooked up successfully to the cable modem. I am not used to feeling this helpless and I can't stand it.
Tomorrow I have to go price a new computer, which I can't afford. I just need word processing and Internet -- and I'll just accept I guess that my photoshop is gone and turn the scanner over to Kali, since it's really only for Descensus anyway.
I am trying, very very hard, not to beat myself up over this. It's not within my control. It's not happening to punish me. God, and especially my Gods, doesn't/don't hate fags. It's all cool. Of course, all of this would be less of a financial problem if I hadn't just done all this non-refundable Phoenix Rising stuff. I waiver between hating myself for that and being glad I did it -- because if these events had happened in the other order I wouldn't be going, and in my bones, I know going is a good thing.
So this is me struggling. The machine is my income, and I have to at least be able to get this loaner machine onto the cable modem or I have a serious problem. If I can do that, the rest can be solved.
Meanwhile, all my writing is gone or at least locked away from me until the machine can be fixed or I can afford to have data recovery done.
I am freaking out.
Tomorrow I have to go price a new computer, which I can't afford. I just need word processing and Internet -- and I'll just accept I guess that my photoshop is gone and turn the scanner over to Kali, since it's really only for Descensus anyway.
I am trying, very very hard, not to beat myself up over this. It's not within my control. It's not happening to punish me. God, and especially my Gods, doesn't/don't hate fags. It's all cool. Of course, all of this would be less of a financial problem if I hadn't just done all this non-refundable Phoenix Rising stuff. I waiver between hating myself for that and being glad I did it -- because if these events had happened in the other order I wouldn't be going, and in my bones, I know going is a good thing.
So this is me struggling. The machine is my income, and I have to at least be able to get this loaner machine onto the cable modem or I have a serious problem. If I can do that, the rest can be solved.
Meanwhile, all my writing is gone or at least locked away from me until the machine can be fixed or I can afford to have data recovery done.
I am freaking out.
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::HUGS::
Date: 2006-08-11 02:03 pm (UTC)Mostly because I *so* feel your pain. My life it my computer, too, and my old one was on last legs (as in, keys missing and about to be held together with duct tape).
It's not God punishing you. It's bad timing and stupid electronics that know the exact *WRONG* time to go down. When you can least afford them or deal with the inconvenience.