Why NOT to Marry a Career Woman

[rm]

Meanwhile, there is this appalling/interesting slideshow on Forbes.com -- "Why NOT to Marry a Career Woman."

http://www.forbes.com/2006/07/25/cx_mn_singles06_destined_misery_slide.html

I'll reserve my commentary for a bit. I want to see you all duke it out.


Completely unrelated, but just as much up my nose: Ugh, I hate when gender norms amongst reenactors bite me. I'm just trying to avoid having to make my own breeches, but a woman? in breeches? horror! I may have to make my own. Am annoyed.

Comments

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

um, what the fuck?

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's about where I still am too.

[abnormal-apathy.livejournal.com]

What a misogynst piece of shit.

Why don't we all don aprons and have dry martinis ready when our men come home too?

[fuyukodachi.livejournal.com]

Shouldn't this piece of shit be in Maxim and not Forbes?

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

1975 called. It wants its mindset back. ::eyeroll::

I can't even call that a 1950s mindset. That's like the "women in the workforce" backlash manifesto.

Hey! It's 1977 and all the women are climbing the corporate ladder! SHIT! Who's going to clean my underwear now?!?

[affreca.livejournal.com]

A 2001 study found that having a wife who works less than 40 hours a week has no impact on your health, but having a wife who works more than 40 hours a week has "substantial, statistically significant, negative effects on changes in her husband's health over that time span." The author of another study summarizes that "wives working longer hours not do not have adequate time to monitor their husband's health and healthy behavior, to manage their husband's emotional well-being or buffer his workplace stress."

Because men can't tell when they are getting sick, and women can? What the..? It must be that innate nuturing thing that I missed out on.

[graene.livejournal.com]

Oh, there's a lot to say to that, but I'll start here:

"wives working longer hours not do not have adequate time to monitor their husband's health and healthy behavior, to manage their husband's emotional well-being or buffer his workplace stress."

Why is that part of the wife's job description and not part of the generic spouse description? And don't pretend it is - this is the same reason married men live longer and married women don't.

[sykii.livejournal.com]

Have you seen the piece on breastfeeding by Michael Jackson's rabbi?
I have company coming over, but I will try to dig it up afterward. It's quite a thing.

[rm.livejournal.com]

What?!?!?!

[fleur.livejournal.com]

I can't decide which one is funnier, "your house will be dirtier" or "you are more likely to get sick".

[drfardook.livejournal.com]

Why not just title it, "She no longer has to put up with your shit."

Or perhaps, "time to think about your lifestyle choices because wifey might not be happy with the default position" or, "if you need a higher checking balance to get an erection, you need to seek therapy" or even, "what's wrong with being a houseboy anyway?"

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

My first thought at the title was LOL Heteronormativity!

But my thoughts after seeing some of the slides (I'm on a sloooow 41K dial up) basically amount to there are lies, damn lies, and then there are "studies".

This article is a misogynistic piece of shit. This is my favorite so far:

You aren't going to like it if she makes more than you do: "Married men's well-being is significantly lower when married women's proportional contributions to the total family income are increased."

That's right, Forbes. Won't someone PLEASE think of the poor little men?!? *emotear*

[delchi.livejournal.com]

Forbes? This sounds more like one of those bottom feeding " Mens Magazine " deals like Bizarre or Maxim or some such. Maybe even Cosmo.

From my personal point of view, I think that they have a good handle on what is happening, but not WHY it's happening. To blame the success of women in general for these events happening is just silly - it implies that going bacwards will fix everything. Dry martini at the door indeed.

However, as a side note, I was reading up recently on a trend in the T community whereby many and some T people are starting to adopt the whole apron and dry martini lifestyle. They are calling it " Wifehood ". Complete June cleaver syndrome. It's interesting to see people willingly living out the retro lifestyle to the letter ( I mean house proud starched slipcovers and the roast in the oven ).

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

Also, why is it the wife's duty to monitor her husband's health?! I thought this was something couples did for each other, and adults primarily should do for themselves.

You know, I'm not a misandrist but I seriously wonder sometimes if the men who write and agree with this stuff are in some state of prolongued toddlerhood.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

Well I think that's true, if the male in question is a spinless self serving little piece of shit. 'Oh no my financial dominance is over, my life is over, I must now go buy a hummer and go to the strip club to reclaim my manhood'.

Although I think this is a byproduct of the brainwashing of men by this society anyway. They are force fed that they have to live this way from birth - and if they don't break out of it they are doomed to live it out. For example check out the newer TV ads for hummers lately. " Reclaim your manhood " indeed.

[storyjen.livejournal.com]

Interesting how I read some of the first parts of it from the economic angle:

If a woman has a successful career, she has more money and more choices about what she can do with her life. Therefore:

1) She can support herself, and won't feel survival pressure to marry any old slob of a man so he can support her;

2) If her marriage is bullshit, she can leave, instead of feeling survival pressure to stay in an unhappy situation because she fears she can't support herself (or her kids);

3) If her marriage is bullshit, she may well cheat, instead of sucking it up and taking it;

4) She may feel she has more purposes to her life instead of automatically being relegated to being a baby machine (and the choice to leave or resist effectively if she gets any unwanted baby pressure from spouse/relatives/etc.);

5) She might actually expect that her husband might take an equitable share of the chores (especially since she works just as many hours as he does);

and on and on.

I know I'm phrasing all of this according to the grossest stereotypes of Strong Working Woman and Helpless Non-Working Woman, and I apologize; I know people are more complicated than that. I'm trying to point out that having a career may be part of a woman's having structured her sense of her own agency in her life differently, but doing it in a kind of sloppy way. I'm mostly just pissed. There are lots of ways of interpreting the few actual data that were presented in that report; the writers just slapped on an apallingly misogynistic interpretation. I don't know who they think their readers are looking for as spouses, but clearly it's not "a partner" in any sense that I'm used to hearing the word. Somewhere between "a body servant" and "a Mommy," maybe, but not a partner.

Ew. Ew ew ew.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

Or even more so , they spend their time being macho headstrong asses and never recieve ( and rightly so ) any form of caring or concern from their spouses - unless they are sick. Given that it's just stimulus/response from there on in.

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen the hummer ad, but I do remember the "I am man!" ad Burger King did awhile ago. Basically, if you don't like big hamburgers and prefer watching your health and eating "chick food" you're not rugged and therefore not manly.

Granted, I'm female and I identify as female, but I'd like to think I understand men pretty well, all things considered. This is one of the things I don't get. How does driving a hummer or eating a hamburger make you more or less of a man?

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

Hey, you're pretty cool, you like RM and we both apparently have orange tabbies. May I friend you?

[rm.livejournal.com]

All that shit makes me crazy.

I will add as a female who identifies that way as often as not, I sorta do get the food thing, from both angles. Because of my celiac stuff I've become a really fussy, careful eater, and the degree to which I get sneered at for that as being a feminine, weak and presumably a "girl counting calories" makes me want to shriek, regardless of what I'm identifying as.

There's also some diet food company that's running ads on cable stating their meal choices are for manly dieters.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

It doesn't. However it does help fit into the stereotype of what a ' man ' is. YOu have to disect the whole phrase " More of a man " or " Less of a man " becasue once you do that you can clearly see that it's just a subjective construct that has no clear meaning - in one place being a man means crushing a beer can on your head, while in another it means driving a car and making lots of money, and in most every case it means having a dominant position over everything in view. It's a social construcxt designed to make them jump through hoops to achieve something that is flexible to the point of being a never ending series of hoops. If you eat red raw beef you are a man ... ok now if you want to be MORE of a man you can drive this car .. Great! Now to be a REAL man you need to buy a boat, because a real man has a boat .... and so on. It never really ends, and your money and knowledge of true self goes out the window.

The hummer ad : Guy in line at the grocery store checkout. He is purchasing a brick of tofu, sprouts, and soy milk. Guy behind him in line has a rack of ribs, and a case of beer. The first guy becomes enraged ( literally snatches his purchases away ) and drives straight to the hummer dealer, where he trades in his car for a hummer. The end caption " Reclaim your manhood ".


quite a bit to be read into this.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

Meow!

Welcome to the insanity that is my omniverse. I'll add you as well.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

Also : http://pics.livejournal.com/delchi/gallery/00007q36

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

OMG they actually say that to your face?! Unbelievable.

I hate how people just assume these things. It never ever occurs to them that someone might be doing something "atypical" for a medical reason.

Anyway, I think that people who watch what they eat are the strong, smart ones, regardless of their sex or gender identity :D

Oh that manly bullshit is everywhere now. Makes me angry on behalf of the women who are carnivorous and drive trucks.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yeah. There's that too. I love meat. And it's just as annoying to be lunching with a man who says "thank god you're not like those girls who only eat salad."