small success/big failure

[rm]

1. I got invited to be on a panel at San Diego Comic Con. In the world of what I do, I think this is a big deal, but logistically it may not be feasible.

2. I was rejected from graduate school. Perhaps my senteces were too long, my life too ridiculous, my elitism too distasteful or perhaps the fact that I am good at and successful at several things made them decide I am a dilletante. Although I am supposed to consider the possibility that my work just sucks, I'm actually rather certain it doesn't.


Good things about not getting into grad school:
- my fencing training faces no interruption (this is actually really important and serious, and may now be how I can broach aspects of this topic with the Maestri).
- I do not need to make yet more money appear out of nowhere
- no further opportunity to be embittered by beaurocracy
- more Patty time
- can still hold teas as demure faculty wife



Bad things about not getting into grad school:
- Severus Snape hates me (oh god, it took that bit of black humour to make me cry? for real?)
- I can't teach
- Confirmation that my friends are smarter than me
- Confirmation that my go go party life-style when I was 17 WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER
- Confirmation that all the horrible things people say about me are true (well, not really, but that's part of the grieving process)
- The letter really could have waited until Patty got home


Also the letter reminding me that admissions are extremely copetitive, as if that's supposed to make me feel better or remind me that I may have perhaps shot too high? Sorry, no. I get my name in the credits of a feature film this year. My second book will be published this year. I know extremely competitive, and no matter how competitive Hunter is, puh-lease.

But! I have stuff to do, literally, no time to react to this now, which is good, as there will be no repeat of the Great Fashion Show breakdown.

Comments

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

I hate to hear you sounding full of this self-doubt.

You applied to an MFA program, right? Those seem like foreign beasts to me, and I'm not sure if the criteria used for accepting MFA applicants are at all the same as those used for accepting PhD applicants. In the case of PhD programs (assuming you clear all the basic academic qualifications) it has A LOT to do with fit and whether your research goals and theoretical underpinnings align well with the whole program and with a particular member of the faculty who most likely will end up becoming your dissertation adviser, research associate, mentor, and, in some cases, close colleague. In other words, it has a lot more to do with things other than how intelligent or how good a writer you are.

If MFA programs operate similarly, your rejection does not indicate that your writing is crappy (it's not) but perhaps that you were not perceived to be as ideal a fit with faculty interests and expertise.

Would you consider applying to more than one graduate program in the future? If graduate study is something you crave, it really helps to have options. After all, that which one school does not value is desperately sought after by another.

And to share my own rejection story, when I applied for PhD programs, I was rejected almost immediately by UCLA. My bruised ego was soothed a few months later when I was courted rather intensively by both Penn and Georgetown.

[rm.livejournal.com]

It was an MFA program, yes. Unfortunately, financial situation makes this program the only viable choice for me. And, to be appallingly blunt, I find it absurd that a program that has a woman who wrote a strangely cadenced memoir about her affair with her father would find either my subject matter or tone inappropriate.

Blech.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

Ah. So financial fit is a limiting factor. This is a tough challenge.

[lilerthkwake.livejournal.com]

a strangely cadenced memoir about her affair with her father

Oh, ew. I remember hearing about that book. Weird weird weird!

[rm.livejournal.com]

It's prose is very beautiful and not dissimilar to mine, which is one of the weirdest things I have to react to on a pretty regular basis.

[lilerthkwake.livejournal.com]

Weird, like it's hard to accept that a woman who engaged in consensual adult incest writes like you do?

[rm.livejournal.com]

Not even. It's more that people tend to say it very vaguely. "Oh, you're stuff reminds me of hers" or "you remind me of her" and I'm like WHY? And then they explain and it's less creepy, but it's odd to shut up and say "thank you" as one should, in that circumstance.

[lilerthkwake.livejournal.com]

I see. Like it's kind of eerie that you hear it so often.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Have you read any of her fiction? Poison is startlingly good, and has something to it you might like. Especially when the girl talks about what sex was like when she fucked the priest.