r's and m's

[rm]

In the last year, I've noticed a peculiar trend in my writing that goes back decades. I have an awful lot of protagonists named Martin, and I think I know why.

You see, if my name weren't Racheline, I'm pretty sure it would be Martin. This is not what my parents would have named me had I come out with different bits (what they would have named me had I "been a boy" in the traditional sense of things is completely unknown to me and I think I'd be off-put, quite frankly, by the process of asking and answering). It's also far from my favorite male name. But it's the one people tell me over and over I should use: as a pen name, or a drag name, or, you know, just if I decide I want a male name. Or something.

And it feels okay on me. Pretty solid really. Like a secret I don't know how to tell you. I think I'm awfully comfy in those m's and r's. And plus, I know the long list of names I can't have: Most men aren't cool enough to be named Jack, and you really have to like dogs to have that name; I don't like dog. To be frank, they make me a bit nervous. Meanwhile Richard shortens to Dick, and that's always unfortunate when you keep yours in your dresser. Nicholas, well that feels too delicate even for me.

So Martin. Sure. Why not? Martin.

But I can't be Martin. Because I keep writing about men named Martin. Over and over and over again. And that's the thing, you can't name yourself after your own characters. Not at all. Not ever. Nope. And if I can't be Martin, then I don't have to make the choice described in Why James Chartrand Wears Women's Underpants, which for me wouldn't even feel all that much like a deception, just maybe a lot of work on the days when I do feel like wearing a dress (that's the annoying thing about me, I wear the dressy clothes assigned to either gender really fucking well, and anything I do well I tend to like).

So this is what I mean when I say as part of my very long explanation of my gender identity that for political reasons I will always, on some level, be female.

Read the link. This shit sucks. It sucks for women. And it sucks for everyone who ever has to walk through the middle of this gender thing.

And it sucks for someone with a name like mine -- that's fantastic as a brand, but is weird and unwieldy as an actual thing for actual people to call me and makes people angry, like it's more than someone with a cunt deserves.

Comments

[catalysticat.livejournal.com]

I read that article and some of the comments, but I had thought that even if you collect ten thousand comments, nothing will really change. I'm hoping this is more pessimism than realism. I'm in slump right now, s'all.

And then I saw this, which was just :( ... LJ is removing the "unspecified" option for gender in new account creation (http://synecdochic.dreamwidth.org/366609.html). That link goes to a post by synecdochic on Dreamwidth.

[ursamajor]

This. synecdochic's entry was right under rm's on my flist.

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

As a current "unspecified"? DO NOT WANT. I hope they keep the option available to existing accounts.

[catalysticat.livejournal.com]

It sounds like it's just for new account creation. But then. Are they going to let you change it once it's been chosen?

(Sorry to hijack your post, rm.)

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

Good question, and thanks for the link.

(Sorry to hijack the thread, though I suppose the topic at hand has some relevance to that of the OP.)

[rm.livejournal.com]

It's okay, I'm reading this thread going "oh man, I'm gonna have to write a long thing about this tomorrow, aren't I?"

[catalysticat.livejournal.com]

I just didn't want you to have any long stretches of time with nothing to do, you know? :P

(Just kidding. Your prolificness is excellent and much appreciated.)

[pocketmouse]

They're not just removing it at new account creation. They're changing the profile setting entirely. Once the code push goes through, that option disappears from the profile edit. That's what the second link is saying.

[catalysticat.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I feedbacked my rage displeasure.

[natf.livejournal.com]

http://kylecassidy.livejournal.com/570439.html

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

Since I was in high school and heavy into drama and writing, I've thought about pseudonyms. My stage name would have been Christine Hemm (my middle name and one of my grandmother's maiden names) because Michelle Lee was already in use (bitch! ;-p). My pen name would be my initials and my last name because my real name either married or maiden is just too generic.

I hate that she's had to adopt a male pseudonym but I'd do it too, if I were trying to make my living as a writer because the money would be worth it.

I wonder if male writers with names that have slowly become more associated with women (Madison, Mason, Taylor, Ashley, Leslie, Lauren, etc.) are having trouble because editors are thinking they're female?

I'm also with you on M names. When I write it's really hard for me to pick names that don't start with an M (my initials are MLM and my daughter's are MMM). It also hard for me to pick last names that aren't Scottish.

Oh, and the next time I need an independent Southern heroine, her name is going to be Minerva Martin for my great aunt Ruby Minerva Elizabeth Martin Moore from Mocksville, N.C.

[ninasis.livejournal.com]

I've always loved the name Martin. It feels very warm and comfortable when I say it, if that makes any sense.

On an unrelated note, not sure if you've seen anything about this yet, but figured you might want to boost the signal. :)

[rm.livejournal.com]

Started on Twitter. Will write about it tomorrow when the morning eyeballs are here.

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

I like Martin because it reminds me of the actor Martin Donovan. Yes, I'm shallow.

"So this is what I mean when I say as part of my very long explanation of my gender identity that for political reasons I will always, on some level, be female."

I read that article and thought, while I completely understand why she did what she did that's exactly why I refuse to use male/androgynous pen names. But of course, I can afford to let the people who won't read or respect women (or those perceived as female) get weeded out because writing's not my main livelihood.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

That blog entry was very poignant. I've often wondered what would happen if I could "pass" for a guy at a job interview, or on paper. Of course, on an application, they ask you if you've gone by any other names at other schools or jobs, and that would pretty much give it away...but on a resume? It's just the part where a prospective employer will do background checks and call your references. I almost think it would cause some people to treat me worse than if I'd just tried to be a woman--I think there are a lot of people who would look at me even more scrutinizingly if I gave open evidence of my being genderqueer/gender-shifty/transgender, even if it meant that their decision not to hire me would be based on gender discrimination. It's that whole thing where if I shift genders or identify with a new gender, somehow, I'm a liar, or I'm similarly untrustworthy--fickle, maybe. I HATE THAT.

So I'm curious...you say you can't name yourself after your own characters. Why is that? (I'm curious especially because I created this character named Nicoli Dominn in my head about eight years ago, and though I never finished or published the work in which zie starred, I tried to get other people to call me Nicoli, and it's a name I still give out when a stranger asks my name and I don't feel comfortable telling them it's "Michelle." It's also my online handle pretty much everywhere, and I still fantasize about using it as a pen name or artist name, should I ever have a creative career in the arts.)

[austengirl.livejournal.com]

I appreciate hearing this. I went to a single-sex college and have known a couple of trans people who have transitioned during and after college. I've wondered how potential employers have reacted if they have presented as male on resumes/applications but included any previous female names and the fact they went to a fairly well-known women's college. I do worry about anti-trans discrimination generally as well; I hope neither you nor they have encountered it, but I wouldn't be surprised if they had.

[deza.livejournal.com]

Names can be tricky things. My first name is a combination of my two grandmothers (Marita ± Nina = Marna; had I been born a few brothers earlier I would have been Alice). Since my name is unusual and not obviously any particular ethnicity, there have been a number of people who have made incorrect assumptions of my ethnic background because of it. There have been times when this has been inconvenient, living in areas where segregation is still unofficially practiced.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

I wear the dressy clothes assigned to either gender really fucking well,

For which some of us hold exceptional levels of jealousy over,.... ;)

[missdeanna.livejournal.com]

Martin is a good name. I can understand not wanting to use a name that you've used for characters, though. I choose my favorite male names for my characters, and then I don't feel like I can ever use them for anything else.

I have a complicated relationship with names. I think I have too many of them. I don't like using my first name, because it's very feminine. So I go by my middle name, which gets me addressed as Mr. occasionally. But I somehow started using Deanna online, which I regret a little bit. I decided that if I need a male name, it will be Allen, but I don't have any opportunity to use it. I'm the only person I know who took not one but two names at my Confirmation. It's like I'm addicted to names.

I'd like to think that I'd never present myself as male in order to be taken seriously, but I can understand why it comes to that, sadly.

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

I took two confirmation names as well! Felicity Joan. I couldn't decide, so I picked them both!

[missdeanna.livejournal.com]

I'm Joan Dymphna. I was majorly fascinated with saints when I was young, I had made a vow to take the name Joan. When the time actually came, I wanted Dymphna. So I picked both. :P

[perlandria.livejournal.com]

So, since you are mentally hanging out with Martin, you are his buddy? Who would a Martin play darts with? Argue in a coffee shop ignoring, or be intensely quite playing, chess with? An Arthur? A Gabe? A William?

- The dad in the icon is a Jack. It is a good name, but I grok.

[digitalsidhe.livejournal.com]

you can't name yourself after your own characters. Not at all. Not ever. Nope.

You seem terribly sure about that (if I'm reading your "tone" right). I can't understand why not. Aren't we all basically just characters we've created anyway?

...for political reasons I will always, on some level, be female.

Okay, that's a reason I totally understand, and one which trumps the previous issue. But I still don't understand the reasoning of the previous issue.

[rm.livejournal.com]

In fandom culture, the surest proof that your writing is TERRIBLE is when your uyserid matches that of your Mary Sue OC. And as a pro fic writer, how on earth could I ever have a name match with one of my characters? It's embarassing.

Of course, my perspective is skewed by having a given name that I've never met another person with and probably never will.

[digitalsidhe.livejournal.com]

Ah, that makes sense. Thank you.

[arielstarshadow.livejournal.com]

I like Martin as a man's name.

Names are hard. I hate my name, I always have. It doesn't feel right to me, and at age 40 now, it seems silly to actually legally change my first name to something else. What would be the point, since I know neither my family nor my coworkers would use it?

[st-aelphaba.livejournal.com]

oh for...my male protag is Martin.

[malle-babbe.livejournal.com]

Re: James Chartrand. The whole situation reminds me of what happened to Kathy Sierra, and the phenomenon of certain guys on the internet being reduced to snot flinging rage over women displaying expertise in something. Were things slow on /b/ that day I wonder?

I have noticed the same phenomenon with advice columns online that allow reader comments. Anytime the LW identifies herself as a woman, and the question involves relationship issues, or how to navigate a situation where she is in the classic Catch-22 of being either a "doormat" or a "bitch", the Internet Tough Guys come out of the woodwork. Either she's called a "manhater" for being annoyed at the thoughtlessness of her mate, or she's "stupid" for asking advice on a situation to which the commenter thinks has an obvious answer.

WTF?

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I like Martin (and Merten for that matter).
I understand what you say about not being able to name yourself after a protagonist you've written - There are a bunch of names I'll never be able to use for myself.

Over the years I've taken to going by Mel - I mean, it's been what people shorten my name to anyway - but it's also neutral in and of itself, which I like.
I'm not a man, when I dress in drag... I'm a girl dressed in boy clothes, but at least then I have a "Tomboy" name along with my Femmy name :-)

This post resonated, especially with that article and the (almost) Gender!Fail that was averted.

[amberite.livejournal.com]

I took on one of my online aliases (Ari Mylastname) because I like the name and have a character named that. Then it occurred to me that, when I finish that book, if it comes out, people will google my last name and the character's name and probably find my stupid Associated Content and Ehow articles. So I changed my alias. :P

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Marten was on my list of possible middle names for a while because my grandmother's name was Martha, and I'd thought it would be nice to honor her somehow.

And then I realized how damn tricky it would be to have a name that is nothing at all like my legal name while I negotiated the legal bit, particularly at my dayjob and decided to work with the initials I had for maximum plausibility. I regret it a little bit, but unless I had an opportunity to make a clean break -- win the lottery, move, etc -- it's the less horrible option in practice.

*Hits wrong set of keys, posts by accident, swears.*

The James Chartrand thing is complicated. I don't doubt for an instant that just a pen name would improve her prospects, but to hear it from her (and those writing about her) she was presenting as wholly male with an entirely male persona online. Which, I suppose, she'd have to do. Pen names need a bit of a cover story regardless.

What I'm finding chilling in addition to the very clear, very real demonstration of disparity is the backlash I'm already seeing over it. People are using a lot of the same language they do about transfolk and genderqueer folk. It's galling and terrifying, the way that line gets enforced even when it's being crossed in ways that most people typically accept in theory.

[natf.livejournal.com]

Martin is Martin Gerraghty on whom I had a crush in high school, DMs (Doctor Martin boots with 20+ pairs of lace holes - I was at high school during the 70s-80s skin-head and punk-rock era). It is a good name.

[gina-r-snape.livejournal.com]

Oh heh, now, I had no idea of this when I suggested the name Martin Rachelson to you a long time ago.

When I was little I asked my mom, and apparently the boy name she would have chosen for me was David. But it doesn't resonate with me even remotely.

It's remarkable how well "Gina R Snape" has served for me in separating my online life from family/students/academics/others. An extraordinary number of people have assumed it to be my given name and I came very close to using it a few times in RL. I rather suspect if you ever introduce yourself as Martin, you'll experience a kind of thrill that crosses many lines and ticks many little invisible boxes in your brain.

It may be very cavalier of me to say screw the "Mary Sue" conventions, but really, your identity and your life and your work and your politics are worth more than the opinions of some small-minded fandom people or convention. And yeah, the story in the link sucks - not just because it still happens - but because there are so many who cannot and will not believe it still happens.