sundries

[rm]

It was cranky day on the trains this morning. It's raining and everyone is angry. And in fairness, it's easy to get annoyed. People don't understand to keep to the right. People who don't sit down make the train cars more crowded and block the seats for others. We're all wet, the trains are delayed, people's bags are in the way, etc. But man, there is only so much I can take of the fucked up reasons people think they are more special than others on the New York City subway system.

It's another piece about how boys are behind girls in school and so civilization will crumble.

Articles like this make me seethe, for starts because not only is our educational system shit, I have watched it go from bad to worse and watch kids on Craigslist hire people to write their essays -- for college admissions, for their film school class, for their fucking med school unit! So many of my friends teach university here, at _good_ schools, and the student who can express themselves cogently (not elegantly, just with basic subject/verb and an understanding of how if/then works) is absolutely, positively the except to the rule. And it galls me. So for starts, wow, our education system needs fixing in about eight hundred different places in about eight hundred different ways.

Next: if boys are so behind in school, why are men still so ahead in the workplace? Oh right, because it doesn't count when women do things (and well get back to that later, I'm going somewhere broader with this). An academically successful woman doesn't count for anything. She can't be seen as a leader, after all. And women are good with the school thing, it's not special. Dime a dozen. Ignore her. Ignore them. Women - interchangeable parts, all the same, you know how it goes. Now let's say we can even stomach the reality of the above and are okay with it (and apparently large swathes, even a majority of our society, is). Now we do have a serious problem: the people we're letting get ahead are skills-poor.

This business of "women don't count" (insert snarky "math is hard" joke here) is hardly anything new. In fact eumelia wrote this morning about the pink triangle and how in the Holocaust women never wore it. You see, the crime of lesbianism was an "anti-social" crime, one the Nazi's assigned the black triangle. The issue was not sex (probably unacknowledged because of lack of PiV), the issue was their not marrying and breeding for the Reich.

I am dead, and I did not exist.

It comes up too in arenas that many of you would consider not to matter. If you're aware of the OTW you know that part of their mission statement says "we value our identity as a predominantly female community with a rich history of creativity and commentary."

I'm a member of the OTW, and I think the statement is essentially true, and I still hate it. Because what it says is that there are activities people do and activities women do. It's self-othering, it's not particularly reflective of the fandom I spend the most time in (Torchwood -- whose dominant culture, I would argue is queer, gender aside) these days, and it -- in its attempt to do anything but -- plays into the "see, some boys write fanfiction" speech a whole lot of women do to somehow legitimize fannish creation.

95% of new students in general aviation are men. Hardly any women. But airplanes are real and not sin.

I am sick of a world in which the presence of women devalues activities, educations, television shows (even though women make more purchases than men in almost every category, a male demographic is preferred by advertisers) and desires merely by their turning their eyes towards something.

But it's nothing new. And I don't, tragically, believe it will ever be anything old and quaint and once was either. And it's one of the small reasons I can never be quite happy: because nearly everything I have ever been taught -- by my parents, by my schools, by my fandom, by more than a few lovers, and by my persecutors -- tells me one simple thing. Because I have a cunt, when I love something, I make it less. It's a strange power, being the null, and it's not one I want or like or enjoy and I would like to give it back now.

North Koreans use cellphones to tell the rest of the world about life there.

True fact most people think is just an urban legend: More than three unrelated people living together is illegal in NYC.

Comments

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

Even for Nicholas Kristof that article was a pile of wank. "In large parts of the world girls are shot or raped or have acid poured on their heads for wanting to learn how to read but whatevs, THEY'VE ACHIEVED MATH PARITY SO THE WORLD AS I KNOW IT IS ENDING!!!"

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

Good thing I don't read Kristof opeds as a rule. My blood-pressure probably couldn't've stood the particularly egregious fail.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

More than three unrelated people living together is illegal in NYC.

These laws are pretty common, but generally not for the reasons stated in the article. What's the usual reason, you ask? Here's a hint: many similar laws prohibit more than X unrelated women living together. Got it? Yep, it's a law aimed at preventing whore houses! Lovely, huh?

[humascot97.livejournal.com]

Here's a hint: many similar laws prohibit more than X unrelated women living together. Got it? Yep, it's a law aimed at preventing whore houses! Lovely, huh?
When I was at Hofstra I was told that was the reason we didn't have a fraternity/sorority row. Although now that I'm a bit older and looking for a house, I'm more inclined to think that the organizations couldn't handle Nassau County property tax rates.

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

The latter is probably right: the article mentions that dorms/frat-or-sorority houses tend to be exempt from the rules. Then again, you never know.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yes and no. Frat houses owned by universities tend to be exept from the rules. Ones bought independently by the Greek orgs, not so much (we had this drama in DC too -- where our school had frats with houses, but no sororities with houses).

[ravenskye8.livejournal.com]

*nods*

At my school the Frat houses could be owned and operated by the chapters, the sorority houses had to be "special interest housing" of the college.

Laws on the books in my college's jurisdiction allowed unrelated males to live together, but over 4 unrelated females living together was legally considered a brothel. Therefore the sorority housing had to be considered "dorms" and owned/operated by the school in order to get around that issue...

Apparently fraternity houses came under the jurisdiction of being a "boarding house", for which the laws on the books allowed all-male boarding houses, but not all-female ones... thus the local YMCA could have housing, but the YWCA could not... It also caused issues with the building of a local women's shelter...

[alienor.livejournal.com]

It's also an anti-immigration tactic.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Interesting. Where I live, the law is often aimed at day laborers/undocumented immigrants.

[bellakara.livejournal.com]

Yes, I completely agree with you on the contradiction between girls being ahead in school, and men still being ahead in the workplace. It's not as if the academic success of girls is recent, so it should be filtering into work. And it's shocking that people with lower skills will get jobs they're not entitled to just because of who they are. It doesn't exactly bode well either for business, government or the economy in the future.

The education system in the UK has gone from bad to worse also - too much meddling from politicians amongst other things, but also a general dumbing down of culture. Intelligence is not valued in the way it once was.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

Hey!!

Female pilot here. I do agree with all your points in this post - but remember, when you consider general aviation across North American, 5% is still a lot of women.

Rowing is an interesting phenomenon. All rowers agree that it's about the hardest, most taxing sport there is (yes, we're biased, but we've also got data substantiating the point). Once you get past college and the national team level to club and masters rowing, women are a definite majority of new rowers. We also tend to be better at learning it (there's a lot to be said for being willing to learn technique before you try to apply power). Now it's true that club and masters rowing gets less glory than junior or collegiate rowing, but I think that's mostly because adults' sports in general do get less attention. But at least no one devalues womens' rowing in favor of men's. These days, anyway - it's may be telling to look at the history, in which Ernestine Bayers was being told "women don't row" in Philadelphia at the same time Dorothy L. Sayers was writing Gaudy Night, which features a fair number of .... women rowing.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Am I right in remember that the % of women who actually go on to get pilots licenses is much smaller than that 5% though? My recollection is fuzzy, and I haven't really looked at the numbers in a while (hi, general aviation student dropout who keeps trying to get back to it here).

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I just got around to looking it up: according to Women in Aviation, of the nearly 600,000 active pilots in the United States, approximately six percent are women and only slightly more than three percent ATP rated. Women account for only 3.85 percent of the more than 500,000 non-pilot aviation jobs in the United States.

Not sure what they count as an "aviation job", though; 3/4 of my working years to date were spent as an aerospace engineer, so I don't know if I'd be counted. (Aerospace engineers don't strictly work in aviation, but they're sort of necessary for there to *be* any aviation!!)

[jnanacandra.livejournal.com]

Because I have a cunt, when I love something, I make it less.

For as long as I have been reading on the subject, I have never heard this put so bluntly or so well.

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

Agreed!

[elisi]

Same here.

[bare-bear.livejournal.com]

People who don't sit down make the train cars more crowded and block the seats for others.

I've taken the bus for years (never lived in a city with a subway), and this is seriously my biggest pet peeve EVER. I don't understand why people can't sit beside someone if a seat is empty, and choose instead to stand at the front of the bus and completely block the seats available for everyone else getting on. Never mind block the aisle for people trying to get off too. ARGH!

Sorry, I just ranted about this the other day at a buddy. Poor girl, she never takes the bus so she totally didn't understand. :)

keep left? or keep right?

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

I was raised to keep to the right on the subways, myself, and leave the left side for people moving faster, or -- if it's a single lane per direction -- people moving in the opposite direction.

Re: keep left? or keep right?

[rm.livejournal.com]

Oh god, you're right, and that's what I meant in my head too. I AM LEFT HANDED AND HAVE SOME IDIOCY WHERE I CAN NEVER TALK ABOUT DIRECTIONS AND MAKE SENSE.

Re: keep left? or keep right?

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

's okay. Have you ever noticed how many times I slap my upper arm to figureout left vs. right? I swear, that's one advantage of the tattoo on the right wrist -- I beat up on myself less.

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

I have to be honest - I've never heard of the keep right rule for subways. Esalators, yes, but subways no. I second the notion that at least move away from the door so other people can get on or off without having to push through you.

[rm.livejournal.com]

It's not for the trains, it's for the stairs.

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

Ok - that makes sense. Seriously, people don't get that? That's practically a universal constant.

[tdanaher.livejournal.com]

If you ever see a woman creeping up or down the NYC subway stairs on the "wrong" side (left going up and down instead of right), give me a pass on it. My knees have over the past years deteriorated, but my right knee in particular has actually fallen apart so much my right leg is now shorter than my left. I use a cane now, but since I can't walk unless it's in my right hand, that means I can't use the right handrail at all on subway stairs. There were also too many years in there when I was denying myself the use of a cane, used my strong left arm and leg on the left handrail to take the weight off my right side, and probably drove more than a few impatient people crazy looking at the person who didn't seem to have anything wrong with her and was going the wrong way on the stairs.

(Bless the people who wrote the iPhone app Exit Strategy, which shows at a glance which stations have escalators or elevators and which subway car is closest to them.)

[rm.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. And the fact is I'm super slow when it's crowded and I have to go down the right side, because it spooks me out (since I'm left handed). I'm mostly grumpy at the CHAOTIC SWARMS WITH UMBRELLAS factor as opposed to individual here and there who may not know, or have a disability or be from the Commonwealth.

[natf.livejournal.com]

Right-cane, left-handrail here too!

[mobobocita.livejournal.com]

I'm from such a different world I guess.

I have never learned the lesson that being female denies me anything.

My mother was the first female foreman on a roof in our state.

She is the first female president of her union, locally, nationally, internationally. It's not something she fought for, it's not something she had to battle the ideas of men to earn, honestly, it's something they asked her to step up and DO because they needed strong leadership at that time.

Maybe it's the Midwest, we are very strange here sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I get the idea on the television, I see it in books and articles, it's just always been... Well, like looking at a National Geographic of a far away land to me.

Gender has nothing to do with what I can achieve. What I'm willing to do for it does.

Perhaps it is how I was raised, who knows.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I have encountered sexism for any number of reasons, including some of the ways in with the Northeast can be very traditional, the fact that my parents are sexist and I therefore encounter sexism from them, and the fact that I have often worked in industries wherein sexism is a part of the business (i.e., entertainment). That fact that I'm physically slight and short also probably hasn't helped me in some circumstances (although it has probably made me the recipient of "favorable" sexism in others).

However, none of these things are my fault. If I just tried harder or my parents were more progressive, my experiences wouldn't just go away. I'm glad you haven't had them.

But I feel like I'm being told here that the reason I've had them is that I just have tried hard enough not to, and I'm not okay with that.

[mobobocita.livejournal.com]

Oh dear god, that was not my point at all.

You live in a city with millions of people and this rich history and a whole society that has traditions from places far and wide outside of itself.

I grew up in a place that had 30,000 residents. Most with the same education, same heritage and while we had some traditions, it was mostly farm oriented. Women carried the same burden as men, it made for a different world. My mother worked manual labor jobs most of my life. I was an adult before she became president.

I was the first in my family to graduate college. Not the first woman, the first person. I am one of 27 grandchildren. It's a different life than yours and all I was trying to say is that growing up in that, I was *aware* of the things that your world has declared about women but it isn't my experience. I work for a privately held woman owned business. We out number the men 2-1. We made $8 million last year. Yes, we are a minority but it's not the first thing we sell about ourselves.

I meant to be a beacon of hope that maybe somewhere, it was OK to be a girl. That being a girl didn't make you less. Not to say that you did anything wrong or that there was fault in the difference in our culture, just showing a difference.

And words are failing me, so I guess I'll just say sorry, I didn't mean to belittle your experience by sharing mine.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

While I'm not rm, I definitely hear you and understand what you were trying to say. And when you think about it logically: the smaller a population is, the less people can afford to discriminate against sub-populations when work needs to be done. It's when the opportunities for work are limited and the populations are too large that one group will decide to unite against other groups to maintain their work and status privileges. I believe that the development of technology and transportation has also contributed to the phenomenon. In a totally agrarian society without the technological developments we have today, every person is needed to work: the landowners, the spouses of the landowners, and the children (once they're old enough). People of one gender might have assumed some work roles versus people of other genders, but in many cases, all worked side by side. As the trades blossomed and later industrial eras boomed, those who were richer could afford not to work because one person in the household could work and earn enough money to provide for everyone. In those societies, gender biases were marked because often unspoken decisions were made about who was fit to work and lead and who was fit to become an ornament. In a town of 30,000 people, however wealthy any of them are, such luxuries may be deemed frivolous.

If you're wondering, I didn't grow up in the same kind of community that you did, but my mother has told me countless stories about growing up on a farm, and about the fact that no matter what your gender was, it didn't excuse you from work if work needed to be done. Perhaps that's what gave her the kind of take-charge attitude she carried throughout her adulthood. The strange part, however, is how unaware of sexism she is. When I make a comment about someone being sexist, she tells me I'm imagining things. She didn't have to be a feminist because people looked to her as a leader and an achiever, and because she thought nothing of competing with and against others, men or women. When I find myself having to fight, whether in subtle or overt ways, she tells me I'm just being too sensitive. However, I don't think that's what you were trying to do here.

Bleh. Anyway...now that I've interrupted someone else's conversation and run my mouth off, I should probably shut up. :-P

[rm.livejournal.com]

I'll say sorry too, and then it'll all be okay, because I misinterpreted you first and you sharing your experience is good! I'm just feeling sensitive to the ideas I expoused, that I thought you were expousing and weren't. That's a good point, that hadn't occurred to me, about how the diversity of places like NYC can make people less tolerant. As much as exposure to different stuff _usually_ helps, in a place that's crowded and filled with annoyances like NYC, it doesn't always. Also, it's not like NYC isn't home to lots of businesses (film, tv, modeling, advertising, fashion) that can make everything a little more evil.

[paulshandy.livejournal.com]

Too many unrelated people living together in Lawrence, KS, is illegal, too. It was a law passed specifically to force college students to live in either cheap, lousy dorms or really expensive ones at the university.

I thought it ironic that the journalist's solution to boys doing badly in school was to dumb down their reading material. The dumbing down of boys' lives is the problem. For decades experts have been predicting that TV would create a population of hyperactive kids with short attention spans, and here they are! Throw in the habits instilled by video games, which is constant action, and what do we expect? It just happened that boys were more suspectiable to the effect, probably because of chemical differences in our brains.

Don't worry, ladies. Capitalism is invincible. Resistance is futile. Capitalism cares not about your gender; its sexism is leftover from the old days. There will be no meaningful education reform because we don't like taxes. Women outnumber men in the workplace right now, because the Great Recession hit men's traditional jobs harder than women's. It is only a matter of rising through the ranks as the Old Boy's Club ages out.

[pocketmouse]

I am in total agreement with the OTW thing, and it gets me every time they talk about women and fandom and etc etc. Please don't gender my activities. It makes me less interested in being part of your group.

[chaos-by-design.livejournal.com]

I have this weird thing about gender where I feel like a person trapped in a woman's body, and like nothing that's explicitly feminine has anything to do with me because I'm interested in so few traditionally "female" activities. I think about the most gender conformist thing I like is knitting. But otherwise I feel like being a woman is all about periods and babies and the Lifetime network and Oprah-type stuff and has nothing to do with me.

As for boys lagging behind girls in school, well yeah I've heard this before and while I can see it being a concern, you make a good point about how men are still so far ahead of women in the workplace. I'd be interested to learn the reason for boys not doing as well in school, but I also think the fact that this doesn't translate over into an advantage in the workplace for women needs to be addressed.

[paulshandy.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it is just a matter of time. Since women are more likely to go to college, and there are more women in the workforce now (the Great Recession hit men's traditional jobs harder), women might well just filter on upwards.

Or there might be a disconnect between skills taught in college and skills needed in the ever-changing workplace.

Or it might be because women are morely likely to want a healthy balance in life while men are more likely to sell their souls to the system for success.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

Women aren't more likely to want or do anything more than men, and men aren't any more likely to do or want anything more than women. I know many women - one of them is my mother - who would sell their souls for monetary success. I also know many men - my fiance included - who would rather be content and comfortable in a stable, modest job than climb a corporate ladder.

However, you're right that there is a disconnect between skills taught in college and what is needed in the workplace. The workplace requires experience and practice, whereas college teaches theory. That's why internship/practicum/externship programs exist: so that students who may not be able to work a part-time job while going to school full-time, or even work in a full-time job each summer, can have a chance to practice what they learn. However, I think students underutilize these programs in favor of advanced coursework. In some cases, there might be an advantage to taking higher-level courses, such as if one is pursuing an advanced degree after college, or one plans on teaching or working in research; in most cases, I think it can hinder more than help if one chooses study over practice.

I honestly wish there was more room for theoretical work in the workplace, but the reality is that one's ability to handle fast-paced, stress-filled environments while dealing with people who have all sorts of personality traits and opinions is more important than the knowledge one needs to perform one's work. The government will often allow people to substitute education for work experience, but most private companies are not so kind when examining an application or resume.

[paulshandy.livejournal.com]

I must concede that both my parents sacrificed success for family time. They both accepted lower paying jobs with the government because the stability and hours were better suited for family life than working in the private sector.

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

Remember, though - the more women in a profession, the less that profession pays, and the less it is valued (though the educational qualifications don't become any less). Secretarial, nursing, library and teaching work are the classics, but medicine and pharmacy are on their way.

[paulshandy.livejournal.com]

In Russia, most doctors are women, and they don't make very much money.

On the other hand, some nurses make more money than some doctors. It comes from specialization. Doctors who specialize in something like heart or brain surgery make a lot more than general practioners, and nurses with certain specialties make so much more that they, too, end up making more money than doctors with a general practice, even if not as much as the specialized doctors. It's a tug of war between the laws of economics and sexism.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

I have this weird thing about gender where I feel like a person trapped in a woman's body, and like nothing that's explicitly feminine has anything to do with me because I'm interested in so few traditionally "female" activities. I think about the most gender conformist thing I like is knitting. But otherwise I feel like being a woman is all about periods and babies and the Lifetime network and Oprah-type stuff and has nothing to do with me.

God, do I feel you on THAT one. It's a dangerous mindset, though. I know I have a long way to go in unlearning the gender myths that have been permeating my thoughts since birth.

If I may recommend a book for you: Barnett and Rivers, Same Difference.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

One thing that I constantly preach is the removal of the self from existing tradition and expectation. It's the foremost freedom needed, IMHO to become a complete person. I believe that there is a place for tradition and social expectation/order but there is also a place where that ends and the self needs to take over an have a go at life without restrictions and expectations.

I strongly believe that we need to let go of it all from the start - as cited in a N. Gaiman story " If you are a boy you ear blue, if you are a girl you wear pink " and start self thinking and liberating ourselves from social expectations and from the mind control that is our society in general. This is a tall order, but it is one that we will have to fill if we ant to make any kind of progress at all.

The expectation that "being a woman is all about periods and babies and the Lifetime network and Oprah-type stuff " is something that is drilled into the heads of girls from birth. Until we change that , nothing will change.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

Funny you should mention that New York law that prohibits more than three unrelated people from sharing an apartment. Sneider actually had to move very abruptly a couple of years ago because a neighbor reported his landlord to the local authorities for violating a county law that prohibited people from renting out their own houses. It was a completely "political" thing, though. Apparently, about fifteen years prior, Sneider's landlord and his then-wife bought a large piece of land and built a house there. Then this neighbor's dad came along and bought some of the land from him and built his own house, and the neighbor inherited the house. Getting Sneider's landlord in trouble was their first attempt at wresting the remaining land from him.

Looking at some other people's comments on similar laws in other states, it does also seem logical that the laws were made to discriminate against illegal immigrants, or even immigrants in general.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

It hurts to hear what you are saying, because I know you are right, and because that in the grand scheme of things there is little that I personally can do to change it. One thing I do object to is the idea that - as you said - "it will ever be anything old and quaint and once was ". I believe that someday, after a considerable amount of blood, sacrifice, and change it will be something quaint and old - something the future will look back on and laugh about and say " wow were we really like that ? " the same way we look back at the 19th amendment.

As for the rest, it may mean little or nothing - and in all likelihood it will make you more angry - but I will state that I have never seen you as a "cunt" or a "penis" or something "less". Once I got over being afraid of you , I found you to be the kind of advanced intelligent person that I could learn things from. I count you amongst my friends, some who have cunts, some who have penises, and some who have exchanged one for the other. In that respect to me personally gender in meaningless - either a person is a friend or not - and regardless of gender I spend time with, assist , or do favors for my friends. I learned from you a long time ago that gender should not be an issue when it comes to business - either you can do the job or you can not. Between the ears, not between the legs. Because of the things you taught me , when the rest of my office was freaking out over the MtF sales rep I was more upset at the reactions of my peers than the fact that we had one of "those" working for us. Because of the people I have met through you I have found ideas for my own fanfic that I would have never thought of. Despite out disagreements, our head-butting, and lack of insight into each others worlds, I continue to label you as a friend.

The situation you describe is very accurate , but it is also fluid. I believe there is a place and a path for change - and that if it is not here in this country/culture then it will be born in another one. you may never live to see the day that corrects the wrongs you see around you, but your words will inspire people (and already have) to stand up for themselves and for what is right. Each person as they grow and learn meets people that inspire them to make change , and that change manifests itself over time.

What you are describing in some ways can be seen as a social & economic slavery in which women are bound into at birth. History has shown that slavery can be beaten.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

You have two sentences in this post:
I am dead, and I did not exist and Because I have a cunt, when I love something, I make it less..

That's like, the female condition at all times. It resonated like whoah. You know, my brother showed me that the Wikipedia says that there is no evidence to suggest that lesbians were persecuted under the black triangle. I mean, wiki is going to take over the world the internet soon and there is still so much that needs to be acknowledged, written down, owned... something.

I grew up in a feminist household, or at least, my mother was like "anything a man can do, so can a woman and maybe better", you know very 70's women's lib thing and we are feminist, my mother, sister and I (even my dad and brother aren't clueless) and still...
Still.