Buffy update

[rm]

So we just watched "Into the Woods" and I have to say what the fuck just happened there?



Let me get this straight, Riley gets out of bed with Buffy, after they've just fucked, to go to a vampire whorehouse, as has been his habit lately. Then Spike, acting out of his lovelonging for Buffy, breaks into her house, wakes her up, and then brings her to see Riley cheating on her WITH VAMPIRE WHORES in action. And then when Buffy and Riley finally speak to each other about it the next day, it's all Buffy's fault?

Now, okay, I agree, that Buffy's head was never in that relationship, and she didn't really treat him fairly, but in a situation like that, reasonable people break up with the person or meet someone else as they drift apart. They do not start frequenting VAMPIRE PROSTITUTES and then blame their girlfriend for it!

Buffy, to her credit, dumps his sorry ass, which is not what I would have done at her age (in circumstances remarkably similar, oddly enough, just, without the vampires).

And then fucking Xander shows up to explain to Buffy that no, it really is all her fault, Riley is the man she should marry, and she should go beg his forgiveness immediately.

WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK IS THAT?

Yes, relationships can (and often should) survive cheating/breaking of promises. But Riley was a class-A asshole to blame Buffy for his response to their mutually broken circumstances, and Xander showing up to be all "how dare you have self-respect, that's getting in the way of looooooove" was icing on the cake of chick-hating/victim-blaming absurdity (that is, if I don't even mention that absurd, "let's chase the helicopter down" scene).

What was that?

THIS SHOW IS FEMINIST? HOW IS THAT? Because Buffy gets to kick the shit out of her enemies before being 'splained to about how her strength makes men feel bad and ruins her relationships?

WHAT BULLSHIT IS THIS?

OH MY GOD.

And then the next episode Xander and Anya are on about Buffy's "terrible" relationship track record. You know, two long-term relationships at her age, in one of which she at least has detente with the ex, is not even remotely the worst track record in the world. But oh no, there must be something "wrong" with Buffy.

Jeez, kids, ever think that (a) she's the Slayer and (b) has some self-respect and (c) really has been thrown a lot of curve balls in both relationships that were completely outside of her control?

Because sure, she's made some bad choices, BUT WHO WENT TO THE VAMPIRE WHOREHOUSE? IT SURE WASN'T BUFFY.

HOW CAN THIS SHOW HATE WOMEN SO MUCH?

Also, don't get me started on the whole "here have a bucket of judgmental metaphors" thing with said vampire whorehouse. Find a through-line, people!

Holy crap. WHUT?

Comments

[rm.livejournal.com]

Until now, I've mostly though of Xander as a typical dumb dude who sometimes fails but is more or less okay. And now I sort of think he's a horrible person with a blind-spot the size of Nebraska.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

He's not horrible. However, he is in love with Buffy... and I use the present tense because they never gave us a hint that he ever fell out of love with her after realizing he loved her in Season Fricking One. In fact, Nicholas Brendan gives us several hints with subtlety often lost on the Season Five Writers (otherwise known as the fabled Monkeys With Typewriters) that he carried a torch for Buffy all his life. As such, he is always a little overreactive and negative about Buffy's love life - witness his outright lie to Buffy right before she goes to fight with Angel, leaving out how Willow was still trying to restore his soul.

Here's the thing: I don't find that Buffy's failings or even Xander's make the show less pro-woman. Because these are all things that real women will have to face (albeit without the vampires). Even the most self-possessed woman with all the agency in the world will second-guess herself and consider taking back someone who hurt her. And she will have friends who tell her, "You know, if you'd just worked a little less, if you'd been more UNDERSTANDING, he wouldn't have [fill in the blank]."

I don't think the show is saying Buffy was wrong or that Xander was right. I think they were a) getting Riley the hell off the show because he was dragging the whole thing down, b) reinforcing that the Slayer Stands Alone, and c) giving us conflict that we will relate to. At least, I did.

What would've been ridiculous? If she'd caught him at the helicopter and actually kept him. Because in a week? Back to the same fight. That is the cycle of an unhealthy relationship. At least we were spared that much. IMHO. :)

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

Your icon is made of win. Sometimes while watching some episode of a fave show I think "there's a plot hole that would snag a semi." (A semi is another slang word for those big 18 wheeler things.)

I don't mind plotholes while watching cheesy B movies.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this comment. I've never heard of the idea that Xander Harris -- or Joss Whedon -- could actually be a misogynist. It completely throws and baffles me. I don't even like using the word "hate" too often. I don't understand what makes Xander a hater of women.

[redeem147.livejournal.com]

Evidently, you don't hang out in the places online that I hang out in.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Not at all, I guess!

[reannon.livejournal.com]

I personally don't think one has to be a hater of ALL women in order to act hatefully on occasion toward ONE woman. And they make it pretty clear Xander has very little experience with women (Buffy, Cordelia and Anya is pretty much it, apart from the passing demon) and had lousy role models for romantic connections (his drunken, squabbling family). That makes his behavior, while still crappy, believable from a character-motivation standpoint.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

That's what I always thought, so the idea that he "hates women" shook me a bit. I know men who behave EXACTLY like Xander. They don't hate women. They're just lousy with experience.

[chaos-by-design.livejournal.com]

I didn't see it so much as him consciously hating women; more like he picked up sexist attitudes from society (like pretty much everyone does to some degree) and hadn't ever unpacked them.

Which isn't to say he wasn't a major jerk at times.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Oh, he was a major jerk many times. I wanted to punch him many times throughout Seasons 5 and 6. But I honestly felt he was more bumbling fool than woman-hater.

[heron61.livejournal.com]

He's not horrible. However, he is in love with Buffy... and I use the present tense because they never gave us a hint that he ever fell out of love with her after realizing he loved her in Season Fricking One. In fact, Nicholas Brendan gives us several hints with subtlety often lost on the Season Five Writers (otherwise known as the fabled Monkeys With Typewriters) that he carried a torch for Buffy all his life. As such, he is always a little overreactive and negative about Buffy's love life - witness his outright lie to Buffy right before she goes to fight with Angel, leaving out how Willow was still trying to restore his soul.

I hadn't thought of it that way before, but Xander does have a habit of saying (or in the case of not telling Buffy about Willow's ritual) not saying things to Buffy regarding romantic relationships in ways that are particularly hurtful - not because he's evil, simply really messed up about his feelings for Buffy and pretty darn dysfunctional wrt romance.

[tacky-tramp.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know when I'm in love with someone, I insult them and blame them for the bad things that happen to them.

Oh wait, I'm not an abusive misogynist, so I don't do that at all.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

YOU don't. However, I know more than a few men who do. Not because they hate women, but because there's something uniquely male that makes them do it. Annoying as hell, but perfectly realistic, especially considering that Xander is no more than 22 years old at the END of the series. As I said below: I prefer characters that are nuanced and both positive and negative character traits, rather than watching a show full of moral absolutes.

[tacky-tramp.livejournal.com]

I never said it wasn't realistic. Shitty behavior is quite common. And no, it's not "uniquely male" to resent when someone doesn't return your romantic interest, and to subtly disrespect them as a result.

[rhiannonstone.livejournal.com]

He IS a horrible person. I found his lie to Buffy re: Willow's message during "Becoming, part 2" to be utterly unforgivable and could not believe there were no consequences for it. He continues to get away with saying and doing a few other really awful things without ever having to own up to them for the rest of the series. It feels so much worse because he's portrayed as so lovable and dorky and hapless, and because in the rare instance it is noticed (by a character or a fan) they consider it excusable because his motivation is his love for Buffy.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

He can be lovable and dorky and hapless and also occasionally be a right bastard at times. It makes him a real character, complete with blind spots and screwups and a tendency toward asshattery. I rather prefer characters that have a little good and a little bad to them than characters that become moral absolutes - and therefore are predictable and boring.