sundries

[rm]

Patty has finished her comps. Yay!

I will try to finish my Dragon*Con panel roundups this weekend. Particular apologies to the people from the Alternative Regencies panel that are still waiting.

news has been updated and the ability to cross-post comments to other sites from locked posts will be removed with the next code push (that's two weeks away).

The ability to turn off-cross posting from one's own journal for anyone commenting on public entries does not seem to be something that will be implemented at this time. For me, it's a non-issue, but for people who have their journal set not to be included in search engines and really thought no one outside of LJ would ever see their stuff, it's a shock. While it's not my concern or how I interact with information, people who feel differently than me are still entitled to feel that way.

Additionally, there is some noise about LJ staff with sock-puppet accounts trolling and being abusive on the news threads. To be frank (har, har), this punches my buttons so hard, I'm not actually looking at or investigating this one beyond a couple of links I've already checked about it.

For now, I remain here, as this is where my community is. Eventually, I will probably migrate to a non-LJ, non-Dreamwidth set-up under my own domain, by am way too busy to worry about that now.

My experience of working for multiple social media companies over the years is that it is an inevitability that these corporations have profound contempt for their users; the question, really, is only whether you find out about it. Ultimately, the LJ tool serves me far more than random employees bullying the user base serves them. Which is to say, for me, and my current levels of not giving a shit, that while enraged, I come out in the win column. Today, I have other battles to fight.

This is a post about sexual assault and harassment at Dragon*Con. I had no bad experiences this year, but did think things seemed more volatile and confrontational and I'm sadly not surprised that there is a lot of speaking out about this problem this year (which is an unfortunately inevitable problem at any large event -- Dragon*Con weekend involves the intersection of at least three large events). I did, however, have an incident of physical intimidation and harassment the prior year, which involved other con-goers, and I made the mistake of not reporting it to security because I was fine and in a hurry; unfortunately, being lax the way I was allows predators to get away with their behavior, and escalate it. Discussion is obviously triggery, but if you have something to report or something to contribute about ways to make the event safer, please stop by.

A lot of noise is being made about Citibank HR's list of things women do that hamper their ability to get ahead in the workplace. Playing fair, asking permission and apologizing, are, particularly the three people are finding most outrageous, and, taken to their logical extreme, that outrage, especially after the financial crisis of the last several years, is deeply reasonable. However, the list (which Citibank HR sources from a book) also has a point.

1. Let's start with apologizing in the workplace. Rightly or wrongly, it's viewed as an act of submission. Saying "this happened on my watch, and this is what I've done to fix the problem" still takes responsibility, but is seen as proactive. Saying "I'm sorry," says you're wasting valuable company time waiting for someone to punish you.

2. If you ever worked for a dot.com you probably heard "Ask forgiveness, not permission" more times than you can count. Lord knows, the phrase practically makes me want to vomit at this point, but the reality is corporations want shit done and shit done fast. This isn't about breaking the rules; that (despite being a part of many corporate cultures, particularly in the financial industry) actually sucks and is something that needs to be addressed. This is about wasting time getting approval to do what you've already been hired to do (they hired you, because they trust your brain) -- take initiave, innovate, and solve problems.

3. Okay, the "playing fair" one sounds extra-sketchy, I admit, and like the "asking permission" one certainly touches on toxic, problematic aspects of corporate cultures. But if you wait until everyone else speaks, if you always defer to the senior person in the room, if you never interrupt anyone, if you believe excelling in something that we're supposed to take turns in, you're going to get steam-rolled. Don't be a dick, don't sabotage people, but seriously, don't wait your damn turn either. This would be better phrased as "do play hard" instead of "don't play fair."

Overall, however, the tone of the list is, of course, deeply, deeply insulting. Women aren't naive or children and Citibank is shooting itself in the foot in more ways than one if they think so. But many woman have received significant conscious and unconscious cultural training to behave in ways that can be perceived as that way.

The other significant flaw of this list is that it does not acknowledge the ways in which some behaviors when engaged in by women look different than when engaged in by men. These include things like aggression, the use of smiles and leaning forward in your chair (in a woman it can often look, not assertive, but over-eager).

Tomorrow tickets go on sale for the New York Film Festival. What do I want? And ah, I remember when this was one of _the_ events in New York City. Now, I feel, no one cares, it's all about the Tribeca Film Festival now. Which is a great thing for New York, but man, brings out the wannabe director douchebags like nobody's business.

I know Karl Lagerfeld routinely says things that offend many of us, but he's still an object of fascination for me. Apparently, I'm not alone.

A robot called Girlzilla.

You must remember this: Muslims and Islam were a part of life at the WTC.

The Twin Towers came down in September 2001; I went to Australia in January 2005. Guess which event feels more recent? That, right there, is my personal problem with the eternal-9/11 culture.

A piece of 9/11-related art I love: Wish You Were Here.

Another piece of 9/11-related art I love: I'm Falling for You. (note, this one offends the fuck out of a lot of people).

Two things I've written about 9/11:
America (written right when I came home from Australia)
untitled (written last year)

If you need a big dose of Where Were You When, I recommend the #wherewereyou tag on Twitter.

Finally, if you're going to hate someone or a group of someones, do it in your own name, not that of Jesus or Allah or the children or New York City or patriots or whatever is on your list today. Yeah?

On a cheerier note, fuck everything, here's some more zebra footage: Actually, otters (listen with sound and thank Patty) and turtles eating things!

And, sneaking a meme in here at the end: post a picture of you as you are, right now -- don't fix your hair, reach for the coverup or get out the Photoshop.

Comments

[kadairk.livejournal.com]

I agree with you about apologizing versus taking responsibility for one's actions, even mistakes. I finally have a job where I can go to my boss and say, I fucked up. Royally. I can ask for her help, if I messed up beyond my own capacity to fix it. This is HARD for me, I have internalized a notion that people will not like me if I make a mistake, much less admit it. That internalization led to me saying "I'm sorry" a lot in relationships, but at work, it led to me trying to cover up mistakes rather than admit them. It's taken a corporate culture that accepts its employees as human and fallible yet still worthy for me to get to this point. My fear is that most people don't have that type of corporate culture, and that admitting mistakes can actually jeopardize their career.

[malle-babbe.livejournal.com]

I'm replying to say that I totally hear you on the "no one will like me if a make a mistake" front. That issue and the whole "People think I am a Smart Kid, and therefore I am Not Allowed to say 'I Don't Know'" are two big blocks I am trying to break in my professional life.

Once I found that folks where I work are pretty understanding on the second issue, it reduced my stress level a lot. But it drove me up the wall as a kid. For example, I was in the driver's seat, and a bit fuzzy on how to get started on route that I had been on a number of times, and so asked Dad for confirmation.

"You know how to get there."

Now, either I was dosed with something, but outside of a courtroom, when someone asks a question, it is because they are asking for info that they don't know? That and there is the whole kind of mindscrewy environment that results when folks who clearly aren't listening to you act as if they know the inside of your head better than you do...

[deslea.livejournal.com]

I agree 100% with that list. I'd never seen it before, but I play by it. Which is why I will often look around a senior meeting and realise I'm the only woman there, and everyone else is two pay grades higher. Basically, every rule on that list boils down to, "If you want to run the place, act like you already run the place."

Edited to add - I do take your point that some of these things could work against you when done to extremes. But that's true of most advice.

Okay, second and last edit (I'm not going to spam your inbox every time my brain synapses fire, I promise) - just for clarity, the two-pay-grades-higher thing isn't a glass-ceiling thing or an inequitable-payment thing. Promotion is very prescriptive in the public service. I'm just not there yet - but I do get invited to listen and talk in more senior quarters, and that is not true of everyone at my level.

[rm.livejournal.com]

All good. And yes, I know you're in public service, so it didn't throw me, but it's a good edit for the people who don't know, so thank you!

[botia.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I should video my turtles eating things :) And some of my other animals. For your dose of cuteness from my menagerie, let me present Ivan, my blue-tongued skink:


He's sooo cool when he eats :) The other day, I gave him a salad with a big chunk of kiwi in it. He grabbed the kiwi as soon as the plate was in front of him, then ran off with it, holding his head high and proud. I could almost hear him thinking, "I HAS A KIWI AND IT'S ALLLL MINE!!!"

Finally,.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

Yeah!

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Reading that card, I can only assume the 11th mistake women who work at Citibank make to sabotage their careers is the fact that they work at Citibank.

And congrats to Patty!

[rm.livejournal.com]

We do call it Shittybank for a reason.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

You are so right about some behaviors being seen differently when done by women - it's tricky to strike a balance between coming across as assertive or as bitchy, for instance. There's a whole meta-dimension to it, too, because I actually *am* pretty assertive and tend to speak up a lot, and when people get annoyed with me for it, it's not always clear to me when they're being sexist and when I'm actually going overboard - but I've seen male colleagues get called out for the same thing so some of it definitely is real. It doesn't make it easier that I deal with cultural differences, either - Dutch teasing can be pretty brutal by American standards so it's not always easy for me to tell teasing that masks annoyance from teasing that means acceptance.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I am constantly amazed at the difference in how people respond to me depending on whether I'm wearing male or female clothing. I can't generally pass as a man in the workplace (although I can on the street in Europe, for some reason), but just the coding of the attire makes people receptive to my assertiveness (and not ask me to fetch them coffee) in a way that's astounding if I'm dressed like a man.

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

(note, this one offends the fuck out of a lot of people).

Gosh, I can't imagine why. *falls over laughing* That is an impressive mix of cuteness and pitch black humor.

[rm.livejournal.com]

It actually makes me cry every time I see it. Every single time. But then I have that only child thing where I anthropomorphize objects really intensely because, er, I didn't really have friends, so every time I see it, i get really sad.

But yeah, I had to actually have someone explain to me why it's obnoxious. My first response is always Sad Towers are Sad.

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

On a completely different tone from the cogent commentary going on in this comment thread:

Those are some badass-looking earphones you've got there.

[rm.livejournal.com]

They are my Media is Serious Work earphones.

[afterthree.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your thoughts about the Citibank list. As someone who has worked in large corporate and small business culture, your take on this is exactly my take. And of course in some jobs, one of these things may become more important than others: for example, at a large corporate company I worked for, my manager was a lovely person but tended to quickly sidetrack and convolute any project. So when we followed the "ask forgiveness, not permissions" rule it was at least partly out of necessity. If we didn't, projects would inevitably fail or never even get off the ground. I've discovered that very often management needs more "management" and handling than lower-level staff does.

[thatwordgrrl.livejournal.com]

I had sent out some batches of the Backup ribbons to people going to Dragon*Con and I had some to pass out at the con.

But that's a huge flippin' con and I am but one person. I am at a loss as to how to spread the word (and the ribbons) around.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Word. Although, assuming I'm doing the con again next year, I'm happy to spread the word here and help send stuff out. Still one person, but with somewhat long Internet arms. We get ten bloggers with similar reach on board, and I think it'll start to make an impact.

I really don't blame Dragon*Con for this stuff. It's an inevitable part of large events, but this has now reached a critical mass where they'll need to strategize more of a response.

[dsmoen.livejournal.com]

Yes on the forgiveness vs. permission thing. In some senses, it's considered weak to ask permission.

As an example, I spent two days working (without authorization) on a prototype to replace one program with another. I showed it as a prototype (granted, it was a working one) at the next meeting. It was 4x faster than what it replaced.

Two weeks later, it shipped.

I got a bonus and more free rein to do what I wanted, and I sped up a bunch of other processes internally. Some of the men (I was the only female engineer on the 38-member team) whined that I got "assigned" the cool things, but the truth is, I assigned myself.

[chicleeblair.livejournal.com]

Sort of wondering if you saw my post regarding Julie Anne Peters and her YA book Luna. Your post on YA LGBT sort of sparked my interest in the book, so you might be interested.


Post is <a-href="http://chicleeblair.livejournal.com/337395.html">here

[hoyland54.livejournal.com]

For me, it's a non-issue, but for people who have their journal set not to be included in search engines and really thought no one outside of LJ would ever see their stuff, it's a shock.

It's worth noting that ticking the "minimise the inclusion of my journal in search engines" box does precisely that: attempts to minimise the inclusion, not prevent it, as I don't think that can be done. I have a vague memory that it once said "stop my journal from being indexed by search engines" or some such that could have been construed to suggest it would prevent one's public entries from appearing as search results (though I think the FAQ has long said that isn't how it works), so there's some potential for confusion on the part of people (like me) who look at their LJ settings once every few years.

[marchek.livejournal.com]

This is about wasting time getting approval to do what you've already been hired to do (they hired you, because they trust your brain) -- take initiave, innovate, and solve problems.
My only grown up job experience is working under a woman who is a serious control-freak/micromanager and who punishes people for taking initiative. While I am the primary problem solver in the department I am basically required to ask permission before I can even THINK about solving it. Over the years I've come up with various ways to deal with this but it's a real pain in the ass.

A piece of 9/11-related art I love: Wish You Were Here.
This is my favorite as well.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Your job often sounds like special hell, although it is so cool I get cool points just for knowing you.

[browneyedgirl65.livejournal.com]

I had a boss like that, and that was my thought as well -- she'd've murdered me if I'd tried any initiative. Ugh. So glad I'm out of there.

[kshandra]

A variant of Wish You Were Here was actually on the cover of the Village Voice when I flew to New York in November '01 for banesidhe's remembrance (he was still listed as "missing" at the time, so it wasn't a memorial). I was sorry I never managed to pick up a copy to bring home with me.

[1-mad-squirrel.livejournal.com]

I've been meaning to ask, what are comps?

[rm.livejournal.com]

Comprehensive examinations, part of the hurdles for Patty's PhD.